How I Met Your Mother

In November 2009,

Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily hosted

the first Thanksgiving at their very own apartment.

And Marshall had found the perfect turkey.

Oh, baby, it is beautiful.

It's 22 pounds. It's organic.

You remember my bald Uncle Heinrek?

It looks exactly like his head.

Oh, my God.

My turkey...

My turkey!

So, when we showed up for the big day,

Marshall was pretty bummed out.

Well, we got the turkey. No.

You didn't. You got the pathetic replacement turkey.

Damn it, you know, why didn't I just listen

to the prerecorded voice of former Mayor Ed Koch

reminding me to take my belongings?

No, Marshall, you don't understand.

Robin and I went to the Port Authority Lost and Found,

and there, sitting in their fridge...

Marshall Eriksen...

is this your turkey? Yes!

That's my turkey!

Oh, come here, you handsome little bastard!

Okay, I'm going to go put this in the oven. Okay.

Oh, my God! You guys are the best friends ever!

It was totally a team effort.

I'm so ha...

Guys, I don't know what to say.

I mean, it's Thanksgiving, but "thanks"

just doesn't seem like enough.

Come on, buddy, you would've done the same thing for us.

Yeah, I would, and you know why?

Because I love you guys.

And I'm gonna show you just how much.

Ted Mosby, Robin Scherbatsky,

I bequeath unto you

the fourth slap.

Wait, what?

Kids, you remember

Barney and Marshall' "Slap Bet."

When Barney lost, Marshall won the right to slap Barney

five times as hard as he could.

So far, he'd used three of those five slaps.

With the third being doled out exactly

two years earlier on Thanksgiving Day 2007.

A day that history came to know

as "Slapsgiving."

Are you saying...

...what we think you're saying?

Probably not.

Unless you think I'm saying

"Slapsgiving Two: Revenge Of The Slap,"

in which case, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying!

No way! Uh-uh.

Slaps aren't transferable.

Lily is the Slap Bet Commissioner. Lil?

Slaps are transferable.

No! Transferable!

Wait, Marshall, you realize you'll only have

one left after this.

Are you sure you want to spend this slap today?

Life is short. I figured, Slap-e Diem.

Okay, rule number one: the slap must occur before sundown,

so as not to interfere with Lily's meal.

Damn straight. Two, you guys have to decide

amongst yourselves who gets to do it.

Three...

we're going to tie Barney to this

chair, which shall henceforth be referred to as

The Slapping Throne. Sound fair? Totally.

Amazing. Absolutely not!

It was all set to be the best Thanksgiving ever.

Until...

Are we expecting somebody else?

It was someone Lily hadn't seen or spoken to

in three years.

Dad.

Now, Lily and her dad, Mickey,

had always had a tough relationship.

Mickey's dream was to invent

the next great American board game.

But his ideas were always a little off.

Daddy? Yeah?

You missed my ballet recital.

Yes, sweetie, but, look!

I just put the finishing touches on my new, hit board game,

"Tijuana Slumlord."

Daddy? Uh-huh?

You missed my gymnastics meet. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

But this is the one!

"Car Battery: How Long Can You Hold On?"

Here, Princess.

Grab these.

Daddy? Mm-hmm.

I had a nightmare.

Aw, sweetie.

Here, come play Daddy's new game:

"There's A Clown Demon Under The Bed!"

Her whole life, Mickey disappointed Lily.

And she always put up with it, until one day in 2006

when Lily went to visit her grandparents.

So, Rita, are you excited about the, uh,

the big move to Florida?

Actually, dear, slight change of plans.

We're staying here for the time being.

We had a slight financial hiccup.

Ma!

The straw to my juice box broke!

Ma, chop, chop!

Oh, hey, guys.

What a pleasant surprise.

Dad, what happened

to your apartment?

Oh, well, I had a little falling out with my roommate.

What happened?

He wanted me to pay rent.

Got kind of ugly. Dad!

You should be paying rent,

not living in your parents' basement.

Hey, it's not my first choice.

Having the old farts right upstairs

is crimpin' my style a bit.

Clearly, they're not getting the whole

"sock on the doorknob" thing.

Oh, they caught you with a girl?

In a way.

Bye, sweetheart. I'm off to work.

Work? You're retired.

Now that I have extra mouth to feed,

I had to go back to the steel mill.

Rita?

Where's my truss?

So, not only did you stop them From moving to Florida,

but now you forced Grandpa to go back to work?

Just until I get Aldrin games Unlimted

off the ground with my new sensation:

"Dog Fight Promoter."

And then Lily gave her dad a look that Marshall

had only seen a few times before.

A look we all prayed never to be on the receiving end of:

her "You're Dead To Me" look.

Which brings us back to Thanksgiving of 2009.

Hey, Princess.

I brought "Diseases!"

What is he doing here?

I don't know, but maybe we should,

uh, let him in and find out.

No, I don't want to see him!

Get rid of him!

Hey, Mickey.

Just hang tight, okay?

We'll, we’ll work this out.

Take your time, amigo.

I'm okays long as I have "Diseases!"

The fun's infectious.

God, I hope Lily's okay.

Me, too. She doesn't talk about it much,

but this thing with her dad causes her a lot of pain.

Just tell me which one of you's gonna slap me!

What? I'm dying over here!

Ted reaches for a chip, I flinch!

Robin fixes her hair, I flinch!

I'm doing so much flinching. It's bad for my skin.

I'm getting crow's feet. Crow's feet!

Lily, come on. It's been

three years, okay? That's long enough.

Having him in my life causes me nothing but stress.

It's just easier for him to be dead to me.

Okay, Lily, look.

I supported you when our neighbor, Mr. Sias,

was "dead to you."

Hey! That's our newspaper.

You'll get it back in 15 minutes.

Make it 20. I had a steak last night.

And I was fine when your

bridesmaid, Whitney, was "dead to you."

Oh, Lily!

You look so amazing!

That dress is gorgeous!

Oh, thanks, guys.

Mm, I... I'm just not a fan of strapless.

I even understood when

Mr. Park from the bodega downstairs was "dead to you."

One coffee, please.

Oh, but only if you have decaf.

I don't want to be up all night.

Dollar fifty.

Coffee, regular.

Dollar fifty.

Excuse me.

Are you sure mine was decaf?

You just used the same pot.

Oh, I lie to him. Okay?

Oh, okay.

You son of a bitch.

That was not decaf!

I supported you

with all of those random people, but this is your father.