Friends

Okay. Hey.

- Does everybody hate these shoes? Oh, yeah.

But I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as you wear that towel dress.

Tell him.

It's her first day at this new job. You're not supposed to start with her.

All right. I suppose I can wait a day.

- Hey, what are you doing Friday? - Why?

I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert.

You know, he's the botanist?

Oh, God. Yeah, botanists are such geeks.

Yeah.

Is that a dinosaur tie?

Hmm? Oh, yeah.

- Morning. Hey.

Hey. Rach, I'm here with the purses.

It must take you forever to find your keys.

Thank you, thank you, Pheebs.

Oh, you're welcome. Oh, please want the one with the turtles.

No, no, no, turtles scare me. I don't need that today.

Honey, just relax. It's gonna be fine.

Hey, why don't I come down there and take you to lunch?

Aw, honey, thank you, but Mark's taking me out.

Mark? Is that the same Mark that helped you get the job?

Yeah. It's kind of like a "good luck on your first day" sort of thing.

Is this actually a lunch box?

Um, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it.

Oh.

- Hey, so can you make it on Friday? What?

Oh, yeah, I think so. Why am I invited to this again?

- Apparently, Albert has no friends. Oh.

He's excited about the bachelor party, though.

I think the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.

A stripper at a bachelor party. That is so cliché.

Why don't you guys get a magician?

If a magician can open my beer with his butt cheeks, then all right.

She's having lunch with him? Lunch with him?

You should've seen the hug he gave her when she got the job.

And he's really good-looking.

- What am I gonna do? - You don't do anything.

Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings.

Don't cry out loud.

Yes! Unh!

Guess who has an audition for a Broadway musical.

I wanna say you, but it seems like such an easy answer.

It is me.

It's a musical version of A Tale of Two Cities.

So I think I'm gonna sing "New York, New York"...

...and, uh, oh, "I Left My Heart in San Francisco."

Uh, Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.

- What? - Mr. Dickens gets to pick them.

Who?

I'll get you the CliffsNotes.

The what?

The abridgment.

Oh, okay. Ha, ha.

The what?

Then the style number...

...the invoice number, and the shipping date.

Good. Any questions so far?

Yeah. What kind of discount do we get?

- Ha, ha. Twenty percent. - Oh. I love this job. Ha, ha.

- Ah! My first call. - Here, let me.

Okay.

- Rachel Green's line. How may I help you? - Hi, is Rachel there?

- And who may I say is calling? - This is Ross.

Ross of?

Of "Ross and Rachel."

Oh. Hi, it's Mark.

- Oh, hey, Mark. Heh. Hey. Hey.

- Hey, hold on a second. - Uh, okay.

It's Ross. Okay.

- Hi, honey. - Hi.

What's Mark doing answering your phone?

Oh, he's just goofing around.

Oh, that's funny.

Why isn't he goofing around in his own office?

Ha, ha. Honey, this is his office too. I told you, we're Joanna's two assistants.

Why does Joanna need two assistants?

How lazy is she?

- Oh. Oh, my God. What did I just do? - What?

I think I just shipped 3000 bras to Personnel.

Honey, I gotta go. Mark, I need you.

Okay. Bye-bye.

Ow! Ross!

Huh? Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. I was just trying to...

Uh, I was dialing another number.

All right, I just got changed in 30 seconds so you could be alone with him.

- You better go for it. - Please. I'm not going for anything.

- Well, if you don't, I will. - Would you please go?

Night, Mon.

- Night, Julio. - Adiós.

Look, Julio, someone left their book here.

Actually, that is mine.

- Oh, yeah? - Yes.

What are you reading?

Flowers of Evil by Baudelaire. Have you read it?

Ha, ha. Have I read it?

No. Are you enjoying it?

I thought that I would, but the translation's no good.

You're a poet and you don't know it.

Actually, I, uh... I am a poet.

Oh. Ha, ha.

So you do know it. Ha, ha.

Ahem. So, uh, what kind of things do you write about?

Things that move me.

The shadow of a tree...

...a child laughing...

...or this lip.

Mine?

Right here?

I could write an epic poem about this lip.

How would that go?

Well, it didn't rhyme, ha, ha...

...but I liked it.

You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys

You've got to pick a pocket or two

Lovely. Just lovely.

Really? Thanks.

Listen, Joey, we definitely wanna see you for the callback on Saturday.

Excellent.

- I'll be there. - Ha, ha. Okay.

And listen, don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition.

Uh, my agent said that it wasn't a dancing part.

Joey, all the roles gotta dance a little. Ha, ha.

But believe me, with your dance background, it'll be a piece of cake.

Three years of modern dance with Twyla Tharp?

Five years with the American Ballet Theatre?

Hey, everybody lies on their résumé, okay?

I wasn't one of the Zoom kids either.

Well, can you, like, dance at all?

Yeah, I can dance. You know:

Oh, no, no, no.

What is that?

Sure, it looks stupid now. There's no music playing.

All right, I have to get that. But no, no.

Hello?

Hi. Ha, ha.

Yeah, listen, I'm in need of a stripper, and I was told that you do that.

Let me ask you this. What do you do for the extra hundred?

So would I have to provide the grapes?

- Hi. - Ooh.

How was last night with Julio, señorita? Ha, ha.

It was so amazing.

He's so sexy and smart, which makes him even sexier.

Oh, my gosh. Last night we were fooling around...

...and all of a sudden he stops to write a poem.

Get out. I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.

Okay, we have our stripper, a Miss Crystal Chandelier.

Well, sure. You name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be?

Ahem. Anyway, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him.

Now, I am totally dense about poetry, but I think this is pretty good, all right?

Check it out. Read it.

"The Empty Vase."

Translucent beauty...

To yourself.

- Hey, you know, that's pretty good. - Yeah, I think so too. Phoebe?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh, great. I'm so glad you guys like it.

- Yay. All right, I gotta go to work. - No, no. I'm not done.

Give it back when you're through.

- Okay, see you guys. - Bye-bye.

Bye.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Poor Monica.

- What? What? What? What?

He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look.

My vessel so lovely With nothing inside

Now that I've touched you You seem emptier still

He thinks Monica's empty. She's the empty vase.

- You really think that's what he meant? - Totally.

Oh, God. Oh, and she seems so happy too.

Done.

Do you have the Ralph Lauren file?

Oh, yeah, sure. It's, uh right...

[FRANCIS LAI'S "LOVE STORY" PLAYING ON SPEAKER]

What's that?

Uh, it's from Ross. It's a love bug.

Wow. Somebody wants people to know you have a boyfriend.

Oh, no. No, no, no. That's not what he's doing.

- He's just really romantic. - Okay.

Excuse me. Are you Rachel Green?

Yes, I am.

One, two, three.

Congratulations on your first week

At your brand-new job

It won't be long Before you're the boss

And you know who will be there To support you

Your one and only boyfriend