Return to Sleepaway Camp

Okay, My turn.

Ready?

One two three.

- What are you dicks laughing at? - Nothing.

- You making fun of me? - No, Alan.

We were just lighting farts.

Yeah? Let me see.

Whoa, that's great.

- Let me try. - It's not my lighter.

Like I care. Get out of here.

You better not break my lighter, Alan.

Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?

Piss on me like you do to your bed every night?

Shut up.

No, you shut up!

And if you say one more word tonight, I'm gonna punch you.

Now watch this.

How was that, huh? Was it big?

I'm not sleeping in that bed anymore.

What's so funny?

Talk about your hershey squirts.

Yeah?

How funny is this?

Put it out! Put it out!

Put it out! Put it out!

Now that's a flame.

Put it out! Put it out!

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Let go!

Really, Alan, are you that stupid?

Not as stupid as you, you big penis.

Is that so, fat boy?

Hey, Randy.

You ass stinks.

Alan, get back here now.

I'm gonna teach that little prick a lesson, he won't forget.

Yeah right. He always gets away with everything.

No, he'll get his, boys.

He'll get his.

Chew your food.

I chew my food. Why you got to treat me like a baby?

I'm not treating you like a baby. Chew the food.

Randy, tell Alan to stop it.

- Knock it off, idiot. - He started it.

Did not.

You know, Alan...

...if you weren't such a wanker...

...then maybe your brother wouldn't be moving in on your girlfriend.

What are you talking about?

Check it out.

That was funny.

He's just talking.

Oh yeah, he's talking to her alright.

Be quiet already.

He's touchy, isn't he, boys?

Alright, everybody, listen up.

Quiet down. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Let me handle this, Frank.

Hey, shut it!

Thank you, doll.

Today we are very fortunate to have with us..

..one of our local policemen to talk to us firsthand

About the dangers of smoking.

Douchebag.

Asswipe.

Now that's enough.

Try not to act like animals for a minute.

You think you guys can do that?

Eat me.

Mr. Spassky?

How'd you like to clean those tables all by yourself today?

- No, sir. - Then shut up!

You're such a fucking spaz.

You kids have no respect for anything.

It's alright, Frank.

I'll take it from here. Don't worry, kids.

I'll be brief so you can get back to this delicious food.

Hey, why are you talking like that?

I'm glad you asked.

After 35 years of smoking I lost my larynx to cancer.

Hey, dude.

Can you play "intergalactic" on that thing?

Maybe later.

The force, luke. You must use the force.

Spinelli, give me that thing right now.

- Hot potato. - Trace.

- What thing? - It's no big deal.

You know what? Forget it.

These kids appreciate nothing.

This stuff sucks. I want something else to eat.

Too bad.

I can't eat this junk. I'll throw up.

Then you'll throw up.

Now eat the chicken before i shove it down your throat.

No, you eat it.

Eat the fucking chicken, Alan.

- Leave me alone. - Eat it!

No!

Alright, that's it.

- Clean it up. - No, you.

- I said clean it up. - Let go of me.

- Clean it up now. - Let me go.

I see you two are at it again.

He's throwing food at the other kids

And then he threw his plate on the floor.

He's hitting me for no reason.

- Stop lying, Alan. - You're the liar.

Alright, calm down.

Alan, why don't you just come with me, alright?

You're such a pussy, Alan.

Hey, Randy.

Your ass stinks.

Alan, I thought we agreed

You were gonna work extra hard to behave yourself.

I'm trying, Ronnie.

But everybody keeps picking on me 'cause I'm different.

No one thinks you're different, Alan.

Why don't you just start trying to be a little more cooperative, okay?

Okay.

Hey, do you think i could go to the kitchen and get something else to eat?

Sure you can. But just remember what we talked about, okay?

- Okay, I promise. - I'll talk to you later.

Quit it, Alan. You retard.

Good shot, Bella.

- Did you see that? - Leave it alone, Petey.

What'd you do that for?

'Cause your face look like my ass. Problem?

I hate you, Bella.

Oh, you're breaking my heart.

Eat this, you fat shit.

- You puss bag! - Down, girl. Down, girl.

Easy easy. Ronnie is right there.

Just chill.

Move it, Fatty fat fat.

Sorry.

Dick.

Well, look who's here.

The camp problem child.

Hey, Charlie. Can I get something else to eat?

I'm on my way out, little man.

Mickey will take care of you.

Great.

Hey, Mickey, didn't I tell you to put the goddamn trash bags

In the dumpster? I'm infested with rats in here.

Alright, don't blow an artery, okay?

Just make sure you do it this time.

I said I'd fucking do it, alright?

Jesus christ!

Should've fired your ass a long time ago.

Yeah, you keep mumbling, old man.

What do you want, fatty?

I guess I'll have some ice cream.

- Hey! - Ice cream, my ass.

I'll decide what you're gonna have. You ready?

Egg salad or Tuna salad.

That stuff sucks. I want ice cream.

Well, that's tough shit, ain't it?

Now hurry up, I'm busy.

And stay the fuck out of my freezer

Or I'll cut your tiny little balls off.

Can we get more juice please, Petey?

Sure.

You little asshole. What did I just tell you?

- Leave me alone. - "leave me alone."

You know, you're such a little girl, Alan. Get the fuck out.

You suck, Mickey.

I suck?

Ow! You fucking bastard!

I said get out.

Oh yeah?

What's this?

That was nice aim, asshole.

- Ow! - Mickey.

You fuckhead!

Holy shit!

My god!

Are you insane?

He was throwing eggs at me and he was hurting me.

- So for that you try to kill him? - Let me go, you big pussy.

- You don't tell me what to do. - Let me go!

You all suck. I hope you die.

- What a douche. - Shut up, Mickey.

I'm sure you started all this.

Yeah, whatever.

Michael, go get your brother right now

And bring him to Ronnie's shack on the double.

Hey, he's only my stepbrother.

I don't give a damn what he is.

- Just do it. - Yes, sir.

You see what I have to put up with here?

You'd think these kids would appreciate

How hard we work to give them a nice summer.

Goddamn kids.

Hey, dickhead, slow down.

Alan. Alan.

Leave me alone.

Pain in the ass.

Come on, Alan, I've got to take you back.

No.