Mr Bates vs The Post Office

Well, I tend to go for a seven for double knitting

cos my tension's too tight.

- But seven-and-a-half, I think, yeah. - Ta, love.

One first-class stamp there, Megan.

- 28p, please, love. - How much?

I know, daylight robbery.

That's the Post Office for you.

Oh, Alan? Alan.

- Alan Bates? - Management.

Oh, thugs in suits.

You know why we're here, Alan.

And you know you're a day early.

Oi! There's a queue here.

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but this post office is now closed.

Er, not yet, it isn't. That's 2.39, Tom, please.

Alan, come on. Let us in, please. Yeah?

If you'd like to make an appointment

for after my so-called contract ends,

I shall inspect my diary for a window.

We have a right of entry.

I'm the sub-postmaster, so I am locked in,

and everyone else is locked out.

So if you want to see my accounts...

..you'll have to come back tomorrow.

Right.

Come on. We're gonna need some help. I'm calling the police.

- Sorry about that, Tom. - Hello. Police, please?

I'm calling from Craig-y-Don Post Office.

They're not calling me a thief. They wouldn't dare.

They say money's somehow gone missing from this branch,

which it hasn't,

and I have to pay it back, which I won't.

So I say prove it.

Prove that I'm wrong and you're right.

Show me the figures, but they can't or won't do that.

Alan...

So now they want to close me down to shut me up...

That's ridiculous!

..because they don't want everyone knowing what I know.

Which is?

That the fancy new computer system

that they've spent an arm and a leg on is faulty.

No-one else has ever reported any problems with Horizon. No-one.

I don't believe you.

So no actual crime has been committed here today?

Well, Post Office Limited is stealing, er, my livelihood,

my shop, my... my job, my home,

my life savings, my good name.

Civil matter.

Righto. Be getting back to the day job.

Might wanna come back tomorrow, sir.

How exactly do you sleep at night?

Same time tomorrow?

It can't be just us, can it?

- Morning, Marion! - Morning, Jo.

All right?

- Hello, Jo. You all right? - All right?

- Morning, Jo. - Hello, Jo.

- Morning, Jo. - Morning, Jo.

All right, Trevor, Nadia?

- Hi, Elaine! - You look nice, Jo.

- Morning. - With you in a minute.

- No rush. - Morning, Jo.

Ooh!

Ooh, you smell good.

Don't turn your back! They'll all be gone.

What's the matter, Diane?

I can't find it anywhere. It's my pension book.

- I can't... can't find it anywhere. - You haven't lost your pension book.

- I keep it in my drawer, remember? - Oh...

Sorry! Spinning plates.

Well, it's as much as I can do

to get myself into court every morning with my hair brushed.

Er, a dozen first-class, please.

Whisper it, legal eagle, but I'm happier baking.

Book-keeping, accounts and computers...

- not so much. - Mm.

There you go.

- Thanks, Jo. - Have a good day.

No, job, no income, nowhere to live.

All our hopes, dreams.

All our savings down the pan.

It's killing us, Alan. My hair's actually falling out.

I'm not letting the Post Office get away with it.

They already did.

Come on. Concentrate.

Well, I... I'm thinking somewhere quiet.

Up in the hills. I can walk, you can paint.

Am I not allowed to walk?

Just tell me how we're going to afford any of these places.

We'll work. It's what people do.

Now, come on, Suzanne.

If we're going to walk away, let's do it with our heads held high.

OK.

And so they head off into an uncertain future.

On the plus side...

it won't be us hanging around on the phone any more.

"Horizon helpline, thank you for waiting."

Oh, no!

'Horizon helpline, thank you for waiting.'

- 'Hello, how can I help?' - Oh, hi.

Er, it's Jo Hamilton here from South Warnborough.

I'm trying to produce this week's cash account.

'And what's the problem?'

I know it's probably me because I'm really rubbish with technology,

but... I've declared my cash, I've declared my stock,

I've done it all three times, and I still can't get it to balance.

I hate Wednesdays.

'Hm. And what does Horizon say?'

It says I've taken £2,032.67 more than I think I have.

'OK, redeclare your stock holding.

'So, that'll automatically create a discrepancy, OK?

'It'll have inflated your cash holding.

'So now... I want you to reverse that difference.'

Righto.

'So now, if you redeclare everything, it'll balance, OK?'

This is so helpful, thank you.

Don't go away, stay with me till I've done it.

Oh, my God!

It... I-It's just doubled right in front of my eyes.

Now... Now it says I'm £4,000 down.

'It'll sort itself out, these things do.

'In the meantime...'

But I was only doing what you told me!

'In the meantime, you'll need to make good the loss.'

I haven't got that money! And I don't know where it's gone!

'I'm sorry, you are responsible for balancing your account

'and making good any shortfalls.'

You did your best, love.

Well, I wrote a lot of letters.

MPs, ministers, Post Office chairman,

Daily Telegraph, Computer Weekly.

I'd have thought they'd have shown an interest, at least.

We're putting it behind us now.

- Er, I thought we were walking away? - Back burner.

We did say I could have that spare room for my sewing room.

No problem!

- Alan? - Up here!

- Careful! - Give us a hand.

Do we really need to be keeping all of these?

Just in case. I'll, er... I'll go through them all later.

Mind your back.

- There's nothing wrong with my back. - Yeah, not yet.

All put away, sorted. Almost forgotten.

Hm, maybe things are starting to look up.

Shall we investigate the local pub?

Things are definitely starting to look up.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

'I'm sorry, Mum.

'There's nothing left to take out of my wages.'

My savings are already gone. My credit cards are maxed out.

I know I should have told you before,

but I didn't wanna scare you.

It's all right, love.

You're her husband. Tell her it's all right.

I don't know.

Jo... how did the post office money get lost?

What is it you've been doing wrong?

I don't know either. I have no idea.

Oh, I don't wanna cry.

I kept thinking, one day,

some kind of electronic wizardry would kick in

and it would just sort itself out, but it never has.

And now the computer says my shortfall's gone up to £9,000, so...

Remortgaging the house, though?

I know what I'm suggesting is really awful.

But, David, there's the 40-year lease on the shop,

and if they sack me, we'll lose everything.

This house. Our home.

I have to make good my shortfalls. It says so in my contract.

I have to find the money to pay them back.

If it draws a line under it.

'Horizon helpline, thank you for waiting.

'All our agents are busy right now, but please continue to hold.'

- Dad? I can't find my trainers. - Have you looked under your bed?

Have a look.

'Horizon helpline, thank you for waiting.'

Hi, yeah. It's, er... It's Lee Castleton here again,

er, from Bridlington.

- Yeah, look me up, it's all there. - 'OK, hold on.'

Thank you.

- Daddy! - Yeah, just go and ask your mum, love.

'OK, yeah. I've got your file here.'

Yeah, right. Now, you'll see from my records,

this is the 91st time I've called you about these shortfalls.

'Yeah, it's odd. No-one else is having these problems.'

I-I still can't make any sense of these figures.

You know, I still wonder, someone might have hacked into my account.

'No, no, no, that's impossible.

'Branch accounts are totally secure.'

OK, right. So, if it's definitely something that I'm doing wrong,

please can you just tell me what?

'So you wanna request a visit from the auditors?'

Yes, yes! Finally, thank you.

- They'll get to the bottom of it. - Off to school.

All right. Have a good day, kids.

Right, I'm, erm...

Listen, I'm gonna... I'm gonna to write it down now,

so, yeah, they'll definitely be calling me, right?