The Electric Horseman

Take it easy, we're comin'. Shake it up, we gotta go.

What do you think I'm doin'? I'm pushin' his boot and he won't even help.

L' whiskey river... don't run dry...

- All right, here. - Thanks.

Hey, how about a little coffee?

Here you go... can you use a little of that?

Put his arm in that sleeve, Leroy.

Got a little somethin' to go with that?

- Got his wires? - Go get my wires.

- You said to put his arm in the sleeve. - Button his shirt.

Button his shirt, put his arm in the sleeve and get the wire.

- His hat. Where's his hat? - I'm buttoning his shirt.

Ooh... it's pinchin' my hair.

Come on, let's go. Here we go, rollin'.

I'm all right. Let me go.

- Is he gonna make it? - Sure. Don't he always?

No.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, we got a special treat for you.

In keepin' with our half-time theme of champions of the worid...

...you're gonna get to meet one of the all-time great cowboys...

...five-times all-around worid champion Sonny Steele!

Mr... Mr Sonny Steele!

Well, there he comes, there he comes. Give him a big hahofl folks.

There he is. How about that?

That is Sonny Steele, here tonight courtesy of ranch breakfast...

...a division of ampco industries.

Ride 'im there, cowboy, ride 'im.

Oh, Wendell.

- Wendell... - Shut up.

Oh, shit.

L' momma, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys

for all you hard-playin' little folks whose bodies are growin' every day...

...you remember that ranch breakfast... uh...

...is the cereal that builds champions.

It's explodin' with a kind of energy that's... that's got more stuff in it, uh...

...than toast, and bacon...

- Eggs. - Eggs...

And toast, and bacon, and, uh...

...meat loaf, and olives...

...nuts...

It's just got more good stuff in it... Just so much good stuff...

I' momma, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys

welcome to the grand opening of another pinto mart.

Special rides for the kiddies with five-time all-around worid champion...

Hey, Sonny? Sonny? Sonny?!

Hey, it's Lucinda. Lucinda. Lucinda fairlee. You...

The jb ranch trick cowgirl rider.

Ok, up we go. Hello, how you doin'?

You don't remember me?

Last month, after the watsonville rodeo?

Mommy!

I know how you feel.

Ladies and gentlemen, for ampco industries, rising star...

...horse racing's most honoured stallion.

In industry, in energy...

...in development, in research, entertainment...

...in nutrition, recreation, and in science...

...ampco industries, the rising star.

Well, I won my rent on that sucker many a time.

- Horse should be standin' stud. - We all should.

That's the beauty you're ridin' in Vegas Friday.

He ain't gonna ride him. Just sit on him up on the stage...

...and he's gonna have little rubber booties on his hooves.

Leroy, you wanna sign this? It's for that Watkins kid.

He drawed 0l' little Venus over in Fairview. Let's send him some luck.

I don't think he's gonna need it.

- You stayed on worse than little Venus. - Ain't no worse than little Venus.

The hell there ain't. Nameless was worse, and he did eight on nameless.

Well, I ain't on nameless any more. And I got no intention of bein'.

That was a little compliment there.

Here's a ranch for sale in baily. 450 acres.

You shoulda got that place at Spanish fork instead of that Malibu house.

Oh, Spanish... what's the matter with the Malibu house?

I don't remember your minding it so much. You was in the water half the time...

...wearin' them flippers, lookin' dumb, actin' like a damn penguin.

What's the matter with you pickers? You're not on the bacon-and-bean circuit.

You got room service, you're flyin' around first class, you got limousines...

...ladies in the lobby, the laundry has tissue paper in it...

You're livin' like a bunch of fat oil barons! Livin'... better than we got a right to.

- Cowboys in the ocean makes no sense. - Beats havin' a bull tap-dance on you.

- Leroy, get them pants pressed, will you? - And it beats havin' your legs braided.

And it beats havin' a bull use your head for a floor mat. Don't it?

Ah...

P momma...

P don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys

p don't let 'em pick guitars and drive them old trucks

p make 'em be doctors and lawyers and such

p momma, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys

i' they'll never stay home, they're always alone

i' even with someone they love

we'd have been here sooner, but we ran into these, uh, javelinas...

- Can I have a coffee? - Just a minute...

- There's no rush. - There ain't?

Come on. I wanna show you something.

...tonight's half-time highlight, one of the all-time great cowboys...

...five-time all-around worid champion Sonny Steele!

Sonny Steele appears tonight courtesy of ranch breakfast...

...a division of ampco industries.

Well, what in the hell...?!

- That's not me. - They don't know the difference.

What's your name? How come you're so cute?

- What time's the press conference? - Uh, got half an hour.

Here you are, Hallie.

Now, if there's anything you need, just say the word.

We got about half a dozen movie people here...

...bud Broderick, Joanna Camden just came in...

...rising star is here... - What are you gonna do with the horse?

He'll appear on stage with Sonny Steele, the cowboy we use in ranch breakfast.

You think he's worth coverin'?

Well, there's better stuff. I mean, the cowboy's a peach of a guy...

...but there's just a lot of "yup" and "shucks", and stuff like that.

He's no interview. Better steer clear of him.

See you downstairs.

Bernie... so, they don't want us to talk to the cowboy.

- Where do you wanna start? - Where do I wanna start?!

Excuse me, please.

- Where the hell is he? - Probably drunk in barstow somewhere.

Excuse me, could you tell me if mr Sonny Steele has checked in yet?

No, he's not listed.

- It's an interesting watchband. - Thank you. It's Indian.

- May I see it? - Sure.

Oh, it's lovely.

Why does ampco say absolutely no interviews with Sonny Steele?

- Who told you that? - Oh, one of the people at ampco.

That don't really mean anything, you know.

Sonny hasn't been himself lately. They're a little down on him. But it's ok.

He's just a cowboy. Sometimes he loses the best part of himself.

What is the best part of himself?

- You'd have to know him a long time. - How long have you known him?

- where the hell you been? - What's he doin' in a parking lot?

I don't know, but he got here on time. Come on.

Press conference has started and Danny miles has waited all day to rehearse you.

- Well, here you are. - Wendell, what do I have to do?

Well, there's been all kind of hell to pay, so just behave yourself.

Boy, you smell like a Tequila factory. Here, put these tic tacs in your mouth.

You'll never guess who I seen. Rush, and hawkman, and old Edgar...

Hey, watch it there, partner! They all send their hellos.

Foggy Tate's wife Louise gave me this handkerchief.

- I told you he was in barstow. - Whew! God, they got pretty girls here!

Come on. This is a serious thing to these people. They're tryin' to buy this big bank.

- Hold it. What's in here? - It's a press conference.

So don't tell no jokes, don't lift up nobody's dress, ok?

- What do I have to say? - Nothin', if we're lucky. Come on.

John, you had a question.

Do you anticipate opposition to the takeover of omnibank?

Just a moment. It isn't a takeover, it's a merger.

- But omnibank has always opposed... - We think that attitude's changing.

We've made a generous tender offer for the omnibank shares.

We're confident they'll accept it.

Troy, you look like you're gonna jump outta that seat. You have a question?

For mr Broderick.

Bud, you've played opposite just about every great motion-picture actress.

- Yes, I have. - Who, in your opinion, is the best kisser?

That depends. What part of the body are you talking about?

Print that. I dare you.

Mr Steele, why were you 45 minutes late to the press conference?

Ha... well...

I'd like to apologise for that.

I was, uh... I was givin' mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a bottle of Tequila.

And we lost her, too.

Do you in fact eat ranch breakfast for breakfast?

Well, ma'am, I eat steak and eggs for breakfast.

- You were three-time... - And ranch breakfast for lunch.

You were three-time worid champion cowboy...

Five.

Five-times worid champion cowboy, and now you're selling cereal.

How do you feel about that?

- Lady, I don't wanna tangle with you. - Listen, we've got a time problem here.

You are all invited by our chairman, mr hunt sears...

...to a reception before the performance. And enjoy yourselves, you hear?

- You got a rehearsal. - What was that all about?

- I don't know. Come on. - Rehearse what?

After you circle, you stop on your mark, stage left...

...lean forward in the saddle, face the audience, wave...

Where's the horse?

Bring in the damn horse.

Spot, please.

God, he's a beauty.

Tom, Sonny rides in circles three times, applause, applause, applause...

...then stops on the mark. Sonny, your first line is...

- What have you got him on? - A little bute. And some penicillin.

This tendon, it ought to be braced and bandaged.

- They think it don't look right. - Uh, hello?

- What do you mean, they think... - Sonny.

- After you stop, you say... - Your horse is stoned.

How else are we gonna get him up here with all these lights?

Excuse me, gentlemen! We're trying to rehearse!

Sonny, your first line...

"Ranch breakfast... A champ's way to start the morning."

Then you look at the horse and you say "ain't that right, risin' star?"

"If you agree, don't say anything."

It's funny. It's funny. You try it.

"Ranch breakfast, a champ's way to start the morning."

Wonderful. But much, much bigger.

Much bigger. Louder.

“Ranch ere...“

- there's more. There's more. - I saw it.

That's the most discourteous thing i ever saw in the theatre.

Sonny, this is hunt sears. He ain't no flunky.

This it here?