Search Party

Portia?

You're needed on set.

I'm ready.

Aww.

Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh!

This is so exciting. This is so eerie.

This looks, like, exactly like a place we would've had brunch,

down to the tables and everything.

Like a restaurant?

- Oh, my God. Portia!

Portia, it's me, Portia.

- Hi. Oh, my--

- Or should I say, it's you, Portia.

Hi! - Wow.

- Hi. - Wow.

So good to meet you.

- You look--you look really good.

- Oh, thank you. - You look awesome.

I have to tell you, I'm such a fan.

I mean, when they told me that Donna DiMarco

was playing me, my jaw dropped.

You know, you're just a legend. - Oh, thank you.

Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, and then

I just was like, wait, are we the same age?

- I'm not that much older, but, um--

- Anyway, I'm so happy that you're acting still.

- Yes! Oh, gosh, yes, girl.

I am thriving.

Yeah, ever since I became a mom,

I've been making

these antibiotic lollipops now for kiddos,

so I just boil doxycycline, a little bit of simple syrup,

try to keep it all organic, all that stuff.

You have kids? - No.

No, not yet?

- We're not the same age. - Oh, okay.

Oh, hey, have you met the boys?

You have to meet the boys. - No. Hi!

Hi.

- Oh, my gosh. - Hi.

Oh, it's so great to meet you.

- It's so good to meet you. I'm Portia.

- I'm Nate. - Nate.

- And I'm playing your GBF. - Eek!

- Elliott is such a riot. - Yeah.

- Oh, my God, he's got a twisted mind.

It's crazy he believes any of the stuff he says.

- Yeah. - You know, it's probably

'cause his brain chemicals are like,

"Blah!"

So, Portia, why were you friends with these people?

- Oh, I'm still friends with them.

I do love them. Very much, actually.

- Well, I'm Freddy. - Hi, Freddy.

- I'm playing Drew. - Oh, my--

- It is such an honor to be working with you.

Listen, I am so sorry about what's happened to you.

- Oh, thank you, and I am just--

I'm so happy you're playing Drew.

I think it's so cool that they...did that.

- Well, you're playing an Iraqi American woman.

- That is true. - I--sorry.

I just--I had this idea for Portia.

Great.

- So I thought that Portia could, like,

always be chewing gum in the scenes, right?

But just, like, really, like--

Really open-mouth, like, chewing,

and then anytime anyone said anything shocking,

she could be like--

Does that kind of vibe with who you--

- I'm sorry. - That's okay.

- Portia, I'm here for just a few minutes

for a fitting. - Hi.

- And I wanted to say hi while I was on set today.

- So nice to meet you. - I'm Charlotte. Hi.

- Hi, Charlotte. Who are you playing?

I'm playing Chantal.

No.

- Sorry? - What?

No, sorry, not no.

Sorry, this is just-- this is all so interesting.

This is...so...interesting.

I had to look for you.

Do you know how stressful that was?

It was dark

and I thought every mailbox that I passed was you.

I couldn't catch a break.

Then my coat got snagged in the car door

in the middle of Skid Row.

And my shoe fell off,

and I stepped on the cold street

with my bare foot.

What a fiasco, by the way.

And all I could think was if you were okay.

Well, hello, neighbor!

Excuse me very much!

What do you think you are up to?

I'm decorating.

It sounded like maybe you didn't have

a plan to do so,

and so I thought, why not help you do your share

to spread some seasonal cheer.

- Well, I'll have you know that this is my property.

And I must ask you to leave immediately.

I will not have some thick-headed townie

showing off her stilt work on my yard.

Out! Out! Out!

- Look, lady, I tried to be nice,

I tried to be polite,

and I get that city folk let seasons come and go

without any respect

for what they mean to this country,

but in this town, we do things a little differently.

We care.

You should care about

getting down from that ladder

and getting back in your car within the next six seconds.

Or I'm gonna tell everybody in this town

that you hit me!

- - What?

I am not doing that. You're doing that.

You're a crazy woman!

I am intimate

with the most desperate and ostentatious lawyers

on the whole East Coast,

and they would love

to make anybody's life a goddamn nightmare!

They are begging for the green light.

All it takes is one text.

You Grinch.

You Scrooge.

You abominable snow-woman! -

Help.

Help. Help.

- Is there someone in your car calling for help?

Call--call the police.

- The police? What for, hon?

- I just don't understand why you need to leave

so suddenly.

Yeah, I don't know.

The email just said, like, "Oh, we'd be honored

"if you would be the alumni speaker

"at this year's senior ring ceremony,

but you have to leave immediately," so...

- I mean, it just seems kinda rude

not to give you at least a month

or even a day to prepare a speech.

- I think that I'm like the last-minute fill-in

for someone that dropped out or something,

so think I'm just gonna have to wing it.

Well, when will you be back?

You know, 'cause I was really hoping we could work

the Snowflake Gala together.

- Yeah, I should be back by then.

Um, but who knows, right?

'Cause I actually might stay a couple extra days

to see my family in Chicago.

So can we just play it by ear?

Well...

can you just promise me you'll be back by then?

- Yeah, I'll-- I'm really gonna try my best.

- This doesn't have anything to do with Dory,

does it?

Wait, no, you're not talking

about, like, my ex-girlfriend Dory, right, like--

- I accidentally looked at your Google history.

It just popped up.

And you look her up, like, every day.

- No. No. No, no, no, no, no.

I do-- why would it do that?

That is so--that's, um-- that's so weird.

Oh, I bet it--I think it's probably the presets.

Yeah, 'cause that was, um,

the first thing that I had Googled

when I bought the laptop,

so then I bet it just now Googles it automatically

every single day.

- You're not lying to me, are you?

Yeah, no, I'm--I-I--

I am...

- - I am not lying.

I think I love you.

Yes.

And, um...

yeah, I am having...

big, big feelings too.

"Big feelings"?

S-so you don't-- you don't love me.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not-- - It's okay.

- No, that-- that's what I was saying.

It means--it means the same thing.

Hey, hey, I... -

I love ya.

Well, good.

Yeah, good.

- For the love of God, somebody help!

I think I cracked a rib, and I need medical attention!

Ow.