The Ren & Stimpy Show

Here, Mr. Elephant.

Stimpy, did you see that ?

Humans come and feed these creatures by hand.

I tell you, we could live like kings here.

Come, Stimpson.

Let us go and seek the proprietor

of this establishment.

Hold it.

I know what you're gonna say.

You're gonna say how we're the two finest examples

of monkey flesh that you've ever seen.

Yeah !

Especially 'cause I'm a cat.

So what do you say ?

Hmm...

okie dokie, you boys get the job.

See, Stimpy ?

You've got to know how to talk to these--

look at us, Stimpy.

No longer are we lowly house pets.

We've climbed the evolutionary ladder.

We've been accepted into the world of higher mammals.

We've evolved.

Stimpy, aren't you ashamed ?

What if another monkey saw that ?

Get that dad-blasted stick out of your nose !

Okay.

Shame, shame, Stimpy.

You have to pardon my friend here.

He's not as yet accustomed to your sophisticated

city-monkey ways.

Okay, Stimpy.

It's time for your evolving lessons.

Oh, rapture !

okay, if you wanna be a monkey,

you gotta learn to act like a monkey.

And I've got the know-how

'cause I've seen every Tarzan movie ever made.

So watch and learn.

All right, Stimpy, listen up.

Now, note the ease with which I swing so nimbly.

Hither and yon.

Witness as I perform an amazing double somersault

and catch myself with my prehensile tail.

Oh, I get the idea !

Prehensile nose.

Boy, I tell you.

Being a monkey is harder than I thought.

Yeah, my monkey suit is all itchy with vermin and lice.

Hey, what's a monkey gotta do

to get some grooming around here ?

Say, cheetah.

Be a pal and have at these lice, will you ?

What ?

Go ahead, Ren.

Eat the nice vermin.

I don't want to.

Hey, daddy !

Look at the silly monkeys.

Chow time !

Come on, Stimpy, show me what you got.

It's my... favorite !

Dusty old nutshells and pre-chewed gum !

A rock ?

Arggh !

Okie dokie, boys.

Here's your monkey chow.

Yah, it's every monkey's favorite.

Braised fish heads and rotten fruit.

That's it, I've had enough !

We want a transfer !

Next time I raise pigs, by golly.

This is a very big thing you're doing, Mr. Hoek.

We have just the boy for you.

He's only seven years old and hasn't had much love.

But I think you're just the man who can turn him around.

Come on, bring in the little nipper.

Joy... ecstasy.

Okay, bring in Kowalski.

Kowalski is serving a 30-year prison sentence

for crimes against humanity.

Wow...

but we let him out on weekend furloughs.

Well, go on, Kowalski, say hi to your fake dad.

He's going to give you the love you never had.

Go ahead, Ren, give him your love.

Daddy !

Kowalski love new daddy.

Oh, joy, we are such a happy family.

Let us all enjoy some quality time together.

Oh, look, I have some tasty icing on my spoon.

Let us share it.

Oh, no.

You should give some to your new child.

He's not my child.

Daddy !

I'm not your dad.

I'm only your fake dad, and only for this weekend.

Be nice to the product of your loins.

My fake loins.

Woo-woo !

Arrr--

Mmm...

mmm...

mmmm....

I wish all children could know your love.

Read...

my favorite chair !

Hmmm.

Argh !

Give me that !

That's my book you're mangling !

Why, I ought to take your pants down and spank you !

Ren Hoek, what are you doing ?

Shame on you.

You leave his little pants on.

Show him some love, you're his father.

Eee...

I'm not his dad !

Shame, shame, double shame.

You're right, I've been terrible.

Okay.