Young Sheldon

I'm very much a creature of habit.

Perhaps it's a trait I got from my father.

Every night he would go through the mail, and every night,

like clockwork, he would get very cranky.

- Damn bills. - George.

You'd think he'd get used to it,

but night after night it upset him all over again.

Jury duty? Son of a...

George.

It was complicated.

I didn't like seeing him upset,

but what can you do? I love consistency.

IRS? This can't be good.

Sure it can.

When is the IRS ever good?

Perhaps they're writing to congratulate me

on filing such a beautiful tax return.

- What's it say? - Okay. Not so bad.

We owe four dollars and 22 cents.

What?

That could've been worse.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Let me see that.

I'm gonna wash up for dinner.

You realize they're wrong. My return was flawless.

I-It's four dollars. Forget it.

But they're saying I made a mistake.

You also got us a nice refund. You did a great job.

I appreciated my mother's love,

but what a boy really craves

is the unconditional approval of a government agency.

Yippee-Ki-Yay, Mr. Falcon.

Wait, who is Mr. Falcon?

No one.

Then why'd he say it?

Well, in the real version, he said a bad word,

but they had to change it for TV.

TV is so lame.

What did he really say?

That's so much better.

This movie workson a lot of levels.

Dad, I reviewed the tax return and I was right.

They're the ones who made the mistake.

Uh... What are you doing?

Writing a check to the IRS.

But we don't owe them anything.

They're claimingthat I underreported our income,

but I can prove that they're wrong.

It's not worth picking a fight with them

over a few bucks.

Just let me call them, I can sort this out.

Just drop it, we don't want to get on their radar.

But if you send that check, it's like admitting

I made a mistake when I didn't.

Sheldon, sometimes being right isn't the most important thing.

I'm glad you feel that way, because, boy, are you wrong.

We're done talking about this.

And there he goes, wrong again.

I'll have the rib eye, medium rare.

And for you?

Uh, just the house salad, please.

Very good.

House salad?

You watching your figure?

I have a physical tomorrow.

Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now?

Can't hurt.

It ain't gonna undo 70 years of red meat and beer.

I'm not trying to undo it,

I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.

Son of a Mitch.

Melissa Cooper.

What? I said "Mitch."

There's nothing wrong with that.

But you meant another word.

I'm sorry, what other word?

Just watch it.

Hold on. So you're saying if I have a friend

whose dad's name is Mitch,

I'm not allowed to talk about him?

I know what you're doing.

Okay, I just feel bad for my friend.

That poor son of a Mitch.

Melissa Cooper.

How's that salad?

It sucks. How's your steak?

You know how they overcook it sometimes

so it's a little bit dry?

Uh-huh.

Not this time. It's so good.

You know what else is good?

This radish.

- Would you like some steak? - Yes.

Then you probably should've ordered some.

It's delicious.

You are not a very nice lady.

: Mmm.

Psst. Hey-a, kid.

Who is it?

It's me. The envelope with the IRS check.

What do you want?

You can't let him send me.

You didn't make a mistake.

Oh, I know that, but it's too late.

It's not. The check isn't due for 30 days.

So?

Just go in the kitchen and take me off the pile.

Buy yourself some time to straighten this out.

But tampering with the mail is a federal offense.

I'm not mail yet. I'm not in the mailbox.

That's the law.

But what if my dad notices you're missing?

Do it after he leaves for work. He'll never know.

That's brilliant.

I'm not real, so technically, you thought of it.

That makes more sense.

The next morning, I patiently waited

for my father to leave for work.

Are you leaving for work?

Yeah?

See you. Bye.

Bye.

I leapt into action.

My heart was pounding.

I don't know what kind of bladder control

professional spies have,

but this first-timer needed to pee pronto.

Now that I had prevented my dad from saying

I made a mistake, it was time to get the IRS to admit theirs.

IRS, Agent Green speaking.

Hello, my name is Sheldon Cooper.

Forgive me for cutting right to the chase,

but I'm outside and my skin is incredibly fair.

Okay, how can I help you?

You sent my family a bill saying we owe

an additional four dollars and 22 cents, but you're mistaken.

I filed a flawless return.

I'm sorry, how old are you?

That seems irrelevant, but I'm 11.

Your parents let an 11-year-old file their federal tax return?

This year. Two years ago, they let a nine-year-old do it.

Look, these tax codes are complicated.

If you only made

a four dollar mistake, that's pretty impressive.

I didn't make a mistake at all. You did.

- Is that so? - Yes.

But don't feel bad, these tax codes are complicated.

Uh-huh.

Okay, I've got your file right here, and, uh,

looks like you underreported your income.

Actually, if you check under charitable donations,

you'll notice that the money we made

at the garage sale did not count as taxable income

because we donated it to the church.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll have a look into that.

In the future, you might consider doing that

before you send out the letter.

So how does this work?

Do you apologize now, do I get it in writing?

It's no big deal.

It's a colonoscopy.

So?

So, one of those words means "colon," and the other means

"shoving a camera up it."

Mm. I'm surprised you need one.

Did you tell him about the salad?

It's not funny.

Stop being such a baby.

Something I have pushed out of my body. You can do this.

Wait, wait, I got an idea.

Why don't we do it together?

What?

- No. - Come on.

It'll be romantic.

You're weird.

Hey, kids. What the hell?

Why are we getting audited?

What? Are you sure it doesn't say "applauded"?

Perhaps for a job well done?

We're being audited for the last three years

of our tax returns.

I don't get it.

I mailed in that check a week ago.

About that. I can explain.

- Sheldon? - I just needed some time

to prove there were no errors in my work.

What did you do?

I took the check

- before Mom mailed it. - What?

But I called the IRS and sorted things out.

Clearly you didn't.

I told you to let it go.

I'm sorry.

This could end up costing us a fortune.

- I can fix it. - No.

I'm gonna hire an accountant and have him handle it right.

- But I want to help. - You've helped enough.

Go to your room.

Yes, sir.

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