American Dad!

Mail's here!

Look, it's our annual rejection letter from Family Feud.

A mustache hair.

Oh, my God.

Steve Harvey licked that envelope himself.

Wait, this isn't a rejection letter.

It's an invitation to the second phase

of the application process...

"filling out a questionnaire"!

Oh, yeah!

But we've got to be very careful filling it out.

Says here we can't get another one.

It's only one question long...

"What is the funniest thing

that has ever happened to your family?"

I could think of 300 funny things that have happened to us.

300 funny things.

I can think of 400 funny things.

I could think of a million.

Okay, do 50.

Okay, first one...

This is Family Feud, guys.

We need our A-1 stuff.

What's the funniest thing that's ever happened to us?

I heard a funny word at the doctor yesterday...

"terminal."

That's an airport word!

I have a funny one.

Remember the time Dad got locked in the stockades

in Colonial Williamsburg?

Sorry I knocked over that plant, Dad.

They say they'll let you out at the end of the day.

Guys?

I started a small electrical fire

in Ye Olde Candlery.

We gotta run!

I forgot Roger really ruined that trip.

How about that time we saw Seinfeld in Hawaii?

I think that's Seinfeld at the omelet station.

You just know he's observing

some really funny stuff right now.

Guys, I accidentally triggered an active volcano.

We gotta run!

What's the deal with all this lava?

Damn it! Roger ruined that, too!

What about the time we went to that super fancy

underground cheese shop?

I can't believe this is the day I finally get to try Gouda!

Guys, I accidentally triggered an active volcano.

We gotta run!

And this was the day I was finally gonna try Gouda!

Can't we think of one memory that wasn't ruined by Roger?

Enchanté.

The name's Hibachi Liberace: Terrible Origami Artist.

Allow me to demonstrate. Too big.

No!

Bingo!

Double bingo!

And fold, and fold, and...

ta-da!

Hanging chad!

Remember that?

From one of the elections or something?

Damn it, Roger!

That was our Family Feud application!

We got to the next round?! That's amazing!

I wonder what I'll wear if we make it.

You'll wear nothing.

That's kinda what I was thinking, too.

Because we're not going to be on Family Feud.

They famously only give you one application!

And you ruined it!

You ruin everything!

I don't ruin things!

We spent all day trying to remember things,

but all the rememories were bad!

'Cause of you!

Being on the Feud

is all the Smiths have ever wanted.

- So... - So, what, Stan?

So, the Smiths are done with you.

Forever! You must leave at once!

You guys don't want me to leave, right?

Fine! I'll go.

Francine, let's go, baby.

No!

We found him,

the creator of the evil artifact.

According to the prophecy,

the artifact can only be destroyed

by sending it back into the portal through

which it appeared on Earth.

What portal?

I have 12 chalupas for...

secret meeting.

The artifact corrupts and twists the human mind.

Once it is destroyed, the world will finally be at peace.

I shall take it to America at once.

Perhaps I should take it?

No! He wants it for himself!

- I'll take it. - No! Me!

Friends!

Beyoncé speaks!

Don't you see?

Its power is corrupting even us.

Don't touch it.

I must have it!

Little girl, what you are holding is very dangerous.

You must give it to me.

No problemo.

Kazim, wait.

She offers it without hesitation.

It does not corrupt her.

She is pure of heart.

She must be the one.

We are the Knights Turdlar, an ancient order tasked

with destroying this evil excrement.

We need you to take this somewhere.

It could be dangerous.

But it will save the world from evil.

I will deliver this anywhere you want,

but you must order it through the app.

Yeah, that cat doesn't live here anymore, ya dig?

We've looked everywhere. Even Snot's house.

Come back here!

Come on, lil' cricket!

I ain't gonna eat ya!

Stupid cricket!

Stupid Smiths!

Making me lie to crickets about eating them.

Oh, hey, little girl.

Can you grab that cricket for me?

I ain't gonna eat it or anything.

Oh, hey, that looks familiar.

Nice of you to bring it back.

This is just the cherry

on top of a really interesting week.

Well, it's official.

I'm not black.

How do you know?

'Cause black don't...

Listen up. This is an emergency.

Has there been an attack?

No, silly.

We live in utopia now!

The emergency is, I got a new guitar!

Everyone is happy in utopia

From Spain to Japan to Ethiopia

Mertz was a bully who only cared for shoving

But now he's a pacifist all about loving

Now that the world is at peace

I have my own flock of geese

Everyone is happy in utopia

The roads are all empty

Everyone gets a Bentley

I can dunk a basketball

Everyone is happy in utopia

I used to smoke six times a day, no joking

But in this new world, I get high without toking

Everyone is happy in utopia

We're all full of hope-ia

I can fly without my rope-ia

'Cause everyone loves utopia

And things are going well for me

Too

This just in. Everything is still great!

Coming up after the break, a beautiful sound!

Oh, what the heck? Let's just play it right now.

I hate utopia. I hate this.

Oh, my God! Thank you!

Remember when you used to see a helicopter crash

on the news and get kind of horned up?

That's gone.

And I hate singing that song every day.

- I miss my old song! - Daddy.

That is the silver lining, Rogu.

At least Roger's been gone since utopia started.

Daddy.

No.

That's the door.

Damn, Francine,

you made the doorbell ring.