2 Days in New York

Shh!

Mommy and Daddy decided to have Lulu.

Well, we didn't really decide.

It just happened.

When you were born, we were very happy,

and we still are, but separately.

Daddy has his apartment, and Mommy has her apartment,

and Daddy can see Lulu whenever he wants.

Everything is great.

Now your grandpa is coming to visit,

and you have to be very cuddly with him,

because, not long ago,

Granny flew away into the sky...

and now Pappy is sad and lonely.

But Auntie Rose is coming, too.

It's going to be a party! Party! Party! Party!

Today marks the sixth consecutive day

the man that calls himself the Oak Fairy

remains perched and tied

to the oldest oak tree in Central Park,

refusing to come down until city officials

can bring him written proof the tree will not be cut down.

No news yet from Mayor Bloomberg's office.

We'll keep you posted as the situation de...

Save the trees or die!

Save the trees! Save the trees!

I will not come down!

[crowd cheering, whistles blowing ]

I'm the Oak Fairy,

and I have a message for New York.

If I can do it here, I can do it anywhere!

It's up to you, New York, New York.

Come on, time to get in your own bed.

I have provisions for five months,

and I have a device here that can turn snow into drinking water.

I will not come down.

That's right!

- It's funny. - What?

I always feel way more comfortable having sex without the kids in bed.

- Me, too. - It's crazy.

It's crazy.

- It's so weird. - It's so weird.

Yeah, I know. I don't know why.

Do all sorts of shit.

I know, they kind of are in the way, right?

I know, I know.

Uh-oh.

- No, that's... - No.

No, I need to take this.

- Oh, come on. - It's probably my dad.

It is my dad. Oh!

- He's a big boy. - Papa?

No, I'm not out of breath.

No, we're six hours behind, Dad.

Okay, go back to bed.

Then have breakfast...

Sure, there'll be food.

- Oh, God. - Don't call back.

I'm going to bed now. Love you.

Okay. He's already up.

- Okay- - okay-

Maybe this is a little too much this week.

I mean, you got your family coming to visit,

you got your exhibit, you're selling your soul.

You're so sweet to worry about me.

No, but really, I want my dad to be here,

because it's very important for me.

It's my biggest exhibit in years.

I just want what's best for you.

You know what's best for me?

What's best for you?

I really want them to meet my sweet, sweet little koala bear.

Who's my sweet little koala bear?

Is that what I have to say to get laid?

Yes, say it, say it!

If that's what I have to say, yes, I'm your koala bear.

Yes. You know what koala bears do?

They go up and down the trees, you know, like...

No, no, but...

Oh, my God!

No, no, no. No, no, it's a fur ball, sweetie.

No! - No, I got to take care of that.

Oh!

Last time, Lulu ate it. I can't.

Plus, you're always going down on me with the glasses.

It's weird.

No, I was gonna take them off.

MARION, narrating: Let me fill you in.

I met Mingus through his sister, Elizabeth,

who's been my friend ever since I moved to New York.

A few years ago, Mingus and I

ended up working together at The Village Voice.

I was up all night.

Lulu was about eight months old,

and things had started to get sort of messy with Jack.

Around that time, Mingus became my confidant of sorts.

But what's gonna happen to me if I leave him?

Hey, when things go bad,

I mean, it's best to just walk.

I walked twice, didn't regret it.

Yeah, but you're a man. It's much easier for you.

Who's gonna want me, okay?

I'm gonna be 38, I'm fat,

I'm a pain in the ass.

- But you're French. - I have a kid,

I'm struggling with incontinence, okay?

Don't tell anyone.

- Shh, shh. - I can't even sneeze,

but I'm doing my exercise, okay?

I'm squeezing. Like, right now, I'm squeezing.

I'm squeezing all the time, everywhere I go.

When I'm taking pictures, I'm squeezing all the time.

Like right now, I'm squeezing.

Squeezing, squeezing, squeezing, squeezing, squeezing, squeezing.

Okay, I'm letting go.

Okay, I'm squeezing again.

Squeezing, squeezing.

I'm squeezing, squeezing all the time.

Let's face it. My love life is over.

37.

- We haven't had sex in one year. - A year?

He doesn't even want a blowjob anymore.

- Get out of here! - I thought it was my specialty.

Who is this guy?

I mean, you're fucked, man.

Just go pump-

I know, I gotta go. It hurts.

- Pump them. - I gotta pump them.

Okay, I'll see you at the photo shoot.

- Okay. - I'm so sad.

Oh, come on, Frenchie. Frenchie, you're gonna be good.

- It's over. - I've known you a while.

You'll bounce back.

You mean like a big ball?

Like a big beach ball.

He hates me.

- No, no, no. - He hates me, he hates me.

Come on, blow.

MARION, narrating: And the post-baby big ball that I was

bounced right into his arms.

Was it pity, was it love,

was it my innocent comment about blowjobs?

I'll never be sure.

All I know is that six months later,

baby in hand, I was moving in with Mingus,

and, so far, so good.

Actually, things have never been better.

Please do not leave any luggage...

- Is that the Paris flight? - Oui.

- Is anyone left? - Does it say "Air France" here?

Marion!

You're the last ones. Dad's stuck in customs.

Is that it?

Do I need to look anywhere else, sir?

What the hell is this thing?

[taxi driver speaking native language]

Did you think 10 sausages and 8 cheeses

would go unnoticed?

Your dad was a hero!

- What's he doing here? - He wanted to come.

- Are you together? - We hang out.

- But, "together"? - Yeah.

What a gorgeous city.

Makes me wanna write poetry again.

Oh, New York, we made it, baby!

- We made it! - Oh, oh, oh.

If we can make it here, we can make it anywhere!

The elevator always gets stuck.

Hey, look who's here!

- International sausage smugglers. - Oh, Mingus!

Jean not! Jean not!

Pleased to meet you.

Kiss!

Kiss! One, two, three!

- Whoo whoo! - In Brittany, you get three.

I never got three before.

- Uh, you okay? - Yeah.

I brought a bunch of presents,

but Customs swiped them all.

He had so many presents for us, sausages,

you know, as I told you.

Yeah, but they took it at Customs.

They took the sausages, but they didn't take the smell,

so you're giving us something right now. Whew.

Uh, and you must be the famous sister, Rose.

Uh, yes. Famous for what, please?

Uh, pleased to meet you.

Mwah, mwah.

Famous Rose.

And you are?

I'm Manu. Super nice meeting you.

I'm Rose's boyfriend.

I used to be Marion's boyfriend, but now I'm with Rose.

Why do you tell everyone you're Marion's ex?

Sweet, sweet. I got to make a call.

It was in my last show.

So he won't think I'm just some stranger.

What's going on?

Where's my grandson?

- Out with his nanny. - Let's go get him.