Ready or Not

Alex, this way!

Come on!

Hurry.

Get in and don't come out.

Daniel, I'm scared.

Shh.

Daniel, please. They're trying to kill me.

Please help me. Daniel, please.

He's in here.

No, no, no! God, no!

No, Charles! Stop!

- Helene! - No, please, stop it!

No! Charles!

No. No.

Charles.

No, please. Please, stop.

Please. No. You don't have to do this.

Daniel, I'm so proud of you.

Please, listen to...

You don't have to do this. Nothing's gonna happen.

Helene! Helene, please just talk to them.

Helene!

Please, no! No! No, please!

No!

To have and to hold.

From this day forward.

For better, for worse.

For richer, for poorer.

In sickness, and in health.

Till death do us part.

And even though your family is richer than God,

intimidates the hell out of me...

your dad definitely hates me,

and your alcoholic brother keeps hitting on me...

I honestly can't wait to be a part of your moderately fucked-up family.

"Moderately"? That's pretty generous.

- Hi. - Hey.

Holy shit!

You look perfect.

What're you doing?

You smoking? In my old room?

Give me that.

We should get down there.

Your dad looks like he's at a funeral.

- He hates me. - No. He doesn't hate you, Grace.

He thinks I'm after your money.

Well, I mean, that's true. Yeah.

- You just gotta give it time... - So mean!

What? No, it's true.

Honey, just give it time. Okay?

- Okay. - Okay? We sprung this on them.

- Yeah. - They're used to a three-year courtship.

And not what we did.

The, I don't know, 18-month...

Bone-a-thon.

"Bone-a-thon"? Okay. Yeah.

- We should put that in the vows. - I did.

- Oh, good. - Mm-hmm.

Anyway, who cares what they think? They're horrible people.

Well, I-I care what they think.

Because they are the family of the man that I love.

And I want them to accept me.

Are you okay? 'Cause I'm nervous enough as it is.

No, it's not that. I just...

Without you, I'm...

- One of us. - Hey.

- Daniel. - I've been sent to fetch you.

I'm gonna let you go in three, two... release.

Take it easy.

It's not too late to flee, you know.

You don't belong in this family.

I mean that as a compliment.

Okay. Well, if you're still determined to be a Le Domas,

then would you please get yourselves outside. Okay?

Congratulations, you fuckface.

Thank you.

I can't believe that in half an hour...

I will be a part of the Le Domas gaming...

dynasty? Empire?

"Dominion." We prefer "dominion."

- "Dominion." - Yeah. But...

Um...

You know, Daniel's right.

We could just... leave.

Oh, sure, yeah. "Thanks for the presents. Go fuck yourselves."

No. I'm serious, I'm serious, honey.

I'm giving you an out.

Right now.

No, thank you. I'm all the way in.

Are you ready for this?

Oh, fuck no.

Smile, please.

He could've done so much better.

You're just saying that because he's your favorite.

Oh, please. I love all of you... equally.

Two years is a long time, Alex.

I started to think we'd really lost you.

Smile. Smile, please.

The more natural the better.

Okay, that's good.

Don't take it personally.

They're just trying to figure out if you're a gold-digging whore.

You know, like my wife.

- To the left. - She's pretty enough,

in a "last call at the dive bar" kinda way.

But she'll never be one of us.

Of course not, dear.

She has a soul.

Where the hell's your sister?

I'm sure it's Fitch's fault.

He's useless. But he's one of us.

Is Grace?

There you are.

Hi!

Hi.

- Give me a hand. - Oh. Okay.

It's a beautiful case, wow.

Thank you. It was my mother's.

Do you smoke?

Oh, no.

Nervous?

Ah.

Because your blood isn't blue enough?

They said the same thing about me.

They did?

Stand tall and fuck 'em.

The only thing that matters is what Alex thinks.

And that we know.

- I love you. - I love you.

I have something?

Oh, shit. Shh.

Do you remember anything that happened today?

It's a goddamn blur.

- But I'm pretty sure... - Yeah.

- Did we get married? - We got married.

Are you my wife?

- Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. - Yes. You're my husband!

Oh, my God. Shit. Oh, babe.

- Babe. - Hey.

It's hard with this thing.

- I know. Listen. - Hold me.

- I have to tell you something... - Mm-mm.

Shut up. Take your pants off.

No, I have to tell you something.

- Grace, honey. - I'm taking 'em off.

Holy shit! Holy shit. Someone's here.

What?

Jesus, Aunt Helene! Can you give us a minute?

You'll have to hide better than that.

We're not fucking hiding, obviously.

Everyone is waiting.

Yeah, we'll be down in a few minutes.

- I'm sorry, honey. - What the hell was that?

That's my aunt Helene.

She has, um... well, she has boundary issues.

Yeah.

Of course you have a secret door.

It's a servant's corridor.

They run all through the house.

Um, sorry, who's waiting?

That's what I was trying to tell you. Um...

So, at midnight you have to play a game.

It's just something we do when someone new joins the family.

- A game? - Yeah.

What game?

I don't know. Uh, you draw a card.

Could be backgammon, croquet, checkers, for all I know.

I know. I know. It's stupid.

It's a little weird.

Why, exactly?

I guess, because we made our money in games,

it's part of the initiation.

- Do I have to win? - No. You just... you just have to play.

- And then... - And then you...

you are officially part of the family.

Honestly, it means more to them than the wedding itself.

- That's it? - Yeah, that's it.

I know it's ridiculous.

It's just a weird family ritual. And we only have to do it once. All right?

Okay.

- Yeah. - Okay.

If it gets your family to accept me,

I will play the shit out... of checkers.

- I'm really good at it. - Okay.

Okay. You go buy me ten minutes 'cause I gotta put on... my game face.

- I see what you did there. Very good. - Right.

Okay. So, uh, I'll meet you downstairs. Music room.

Ah. Yes. A totally normal room to have in a house.

Just... It is just downstairs. It's your second door on the right.

Okay.

I thought I might find you here.

I'm sure Mr. Le Bail is with us today.

So, how much have you told her?

Nothing. And I never will.

Tomorrow we're gone.

if she pulls that card,

are you prepared to do what's necessary?

Excuse me, whatever you wanna say, get on with it please.

You better hurry your ass up and get here before midnight.

Call me when you get this message.