The Greatest of All Tina

As we enter tree pose,

we accept the earth's energy.

Let it surge through you from the ground

up into your fingertips.

Hey, shoo.

And let's come back down and let's finish in child's pose.

And down.

Very good.

Reach back and grab the heels of your feet.

Find your breath.

Surrender your stress and tension.

Let your worries and fears...

drip off your shoulders like rain.

Let your ego drop, like stones in a flowing river.

-Namaste. -Namaste.

Tina! Thanks for coming to my class.

-What'd you think? -I got pooped on.

Wow. You're so lucky.

-I am? -Yeah! It's a great honor

to have a goat be that relaxed with you.

-Namaste. -Namaste.

That's what my boss told me to say.

Anyway,

thanks for wearing the pants.

I really appreciate it.

No, thank you. They're super cute.

Namaste.

Do you think that they'd sell them

in the studio shop area?

You know, Namaste. I don't see why not.

I'll ask Barb about it.

Oh, my God. You are the best.

No, I love you. I appreciate this so much.

I love you, too.

-You're the best. -Okay.

And that is the beauty of the Slender Slim System!

You do zero work, but you lose mega pounds.

No, Diana.

I don't think you're truly grasping it, Diana.

Diana. That is a lovely name, by the way.

-Where's Sasha? -Shh!

I'm so sorry about that, Diana.

Diana?

Hello?

Hell--

God damn it!

What're doing in here?

Oh.

Oh, gross. Come on.

Hey, I was this close to making that sale.

This close.

You know I hate it when you do that.

You can't leave babies alone in bathtubs.

-What if she would've drowned? -Did she?

Did she drown? There's not even any water in the tub.

But did I not make my sale? Did I?

She was sitting in her own poop, Lloyd.

Where?

Hey, you promised me you'd do better.

This is really disappointing.

Here we go again. Another fight

where you are upset about something

that could have, but did not happen!

Instead of being satisfied with the reality of the situation.

Your daughter was sitting in her own filth, Lloyd.

Is that not reality enough for you?

Whatever. Sorry.

I want you to mean it and not just say it to shut me up.

Will you grab me a carrot?

Then I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.

We need more beer.

I don't know if we can afford it.

Things are really tight this month.

Money, money, money, money.

You know, we'd have more money if you'd let me make my sale.

You sell any furry pants today?

I have to pee. Can you feed her?

-Mom? -Hey, Tina.

Your mom can't come to the phone right now.

Her hands are all gunky, covered with salmon.

Hi, honey! I want a pair of those fluffy pants.

Oh, and one for Jocelyn, too.

-Okay. -Mama, mama!

I'm sorry to put this on you, but the rent is due,

and I don't have the money to pay it.

Okay.

We have been down this road before. Haven't we, Tina?

I get it, Gary.

I do, but if I don't get that rent money, then-

-Is everything okay? -Oh, everything's fine, dear.

She's just calling to say hello.

That's not true! I need money!

You too, Tina! Have a good night.

I love you!

If we push power and gas to next month again,

and maybe we can cancel the cell phone plan,

ask for a refund, and just restart it after we pay rent,

and then we can stay another month.

Except the insurance payment is due as well.

Is that a new phone?

Yeah.

-Lloyd! -I'm a salesman, okay?

So...

Image. It's an investment.

You think going from an 11 to a 12 is a good investment?

It's gonna be fine.

You know, it's not gonna be fine.

We got an eviction notice.

Can we just go inside and try to have a nice time, please?

Okay, but I don't think this conversation is over.

We need to talk seriously about our finances.

I just miss when we didn't only talk

about money and the baby.

- Lyla! - Hey!

Oh! You do not know how much I needed this. Thank you, guys.

You got it, broham.

You guys sure you don't wanna come in?

Water's warm!

Yeah, I'm okay. You guys enjoy it.

Like I was saying, demand has been through the roof.

They're expanding my schedule, and I get a nice little pay bump along with it!

I'm so proud of you, babe.

So, it's goat yoga?

Like living goats, right?

I mean, how does that work?

Well, they're super cute.

They bounce around and they help you connect

and, you know, connect to your center.

Tina came.

Oh, and a goat pooped on her.

Are you serious?

It was so gross.

Oh, man. I wish I would've seen that.

Um, hey, were you gonna talk to Barb about the pants?

Oh, yeah, and we're all set.

Oh, my God. Did you hear that?

I'm gonna be a one-woman factory and make a bunch.

Yeah, they're so cute. They'll sell, for sure.

Not like those ugly furry ones, right?

You guys should've seen those.

Honey?

Uh, please.

You okay, babe? Your energy feels...

You ever feel like you're being pushed into a little ball?

Like you're at the bottom of the ocean and all the weight

of all the water is bearing down on you.

Except, it's not water.

It's responsibility,

and doubt,

and anger,

resentment,

fear.

Not really, but things will work out for you. You'll see.

If we don't pay our rent tomorrow, we're gonna be evicted.

Ooh!

Nice kill.

And he doesn't...

I'm sorry, this is ugly of me, but do you think that--

Tina, you're too in your head about the future.

You need to be more in the now. Like the goats.

The goats?

Goats don't worry about the future

or dwell in the past.

They're relaxed and present in the moment.

They just are.

But I'm not a goat. I'm a human.

I was just saying. Jeez.

Can you get her?

Lloyd, can you please get her?

Lloyd?

It's okay.

Come here.

Come here.

You gotta pay up or get out, Tina.

I just got a huge order for new pants,

so as soon as the supplier pays, I'll have your money.

So, you don't have the rent money?

Looks like it's gonna be just you and me

for a little while, kiddo.

Things are gonna turn around, though. I just know it.

I said things are gonna turn around, though. I just know it.

I said things are gonna turn around though. I just know it!

I got kicked out! So I've come to visit with you guys.

You know she can't stay here, right?

Oh, I don't see why not.

Because if we let her stay now, she'll never leave.

Baby. You're being so dramatic.

She's hurting.

If we coddle her now, it'll only hurt her further.

She needs to learn how to face the world as an adult.

Not a child.

What she needs is love and compassion

from her mommy and step-daddy.

-Baby. -Aww.

-Baby. -Baby.

I've seen what her vibe does to you.

I only want what's best for you.

-Aww. -And her.

You're so thoughtful.

My polar bear.