Apple Tree Yard

Before I met you, I was a civilised woman.

Civilised.

Now, I don't even know what that means.

Food, shelter, sex,

once those needs are covered, we can pretend we're in control.

That the lives we build keep us human.

But, really, we're all just animals.

You know how I know that?

Fear.

Fear for your life.

Once you've felt that,

everything else,

all this so-called civilisation...

...it's a dream.

You've taught me that, my love.

Would the defendant please stand?

'Fear makes animals of us all.'

In terms of our research, we're pushing at frontiers

and there are bound to be anxieties around that. I do understand.

But, to be frank, most of those anxieties are completely unfounded.

So everything we're hearing about Frankenfoods...?

They're still foods and how they're processed and regulated,

that's crucial, obviously.

But that's a question for Government or business, not science.

Listen, the more we learn about DNA,

the more avenues there are for gene therapy,

which could lead to the eradication

of genetically-based illness

and that has to be a tremendous positive.

But you can reassure us, professor,

no ten-foot mice on the cards,

or triangular cows?

The work we're doing is never going to result in corn with udders.

Hi, it's me. Just to say they're done with me, so you don't need

to be home in time for the Tesco delivery...

Um, that's it.

Oh, and I'll cook, by the way. See ya.

We won't be seeing you this afternoon, then,

Professor Carmichael?

No. David moved up the technology questions

- so that I'd be finished by lunchtime. - Oh.

Efficiency in the civil service,

there's a novelty.

- Hi. - Anything else?

Uh, no, that's it, thank you.

You were very articulate in there, professor.

Thanks.

The first time I've ever understood what a genome is.

Oh, good! Um, well, I do... I do a lot of lecturing,

but it's not professor, actually.

Ah.

- That's more American, is it? - Exactly, yes.

I get that because of the mad scientist thing.

You know, Nutty Professor.

Right, well, I can see, obviously, you're deranged.

So have you appeared in front

of the Select Committee before?

A couple of times, actually, yes.

Governments get really het up about genetics,

whichever lot are in, you know, modification, cloning.

Do you get nervous, speaking in front of a group of people like that?

I only say that because you didn't seem it at all.

- Didn't I? - No, not at all.

- Um... - Thanks, Nick.

No, I suppose I don't, really.

Well, not in front of MPs anyway.

I think I know more about it than they do.

Right. Yeah, well,

you know, that's a relief cos I'd be worried to think

that MPs set themselves up as experts on anything.

Are you allowed to say that in here?

Oh, off the record you are, yeah. Yeah.

Well, all right.

- That's me. - Oh...

...have you seen the Chapel in the Crypt?

No.

Wait one second.

Sorted.

Just remind me to give those back to Martha afterwards

cos my life will not be worth living, even if you are a VIP.

So are you OK for time?

- Uh, yeah, sure. - Sure?

This way.

It's strictly by-appointment and Members can use it.

They have christenings. You can even get married here.

Wow.

It's a Royal Peculiar.

It means it's under the monarch's control via the Lord Chamberlain

and that's Great Lord Chamberlain to you.

Apparently, Oliver Cromwell stabled his horses here.

I don't know if that's true.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's obviously not top of the cleaning rota.

Oh, thank you.

This isn't the best bit.

Come here. Come on.

You've come this far.

You're going to have to go first because it's a bit tight in there.

It used to be a broom cupboard.

What am I looking for?

It's on the back of the door. Can you see it?

The suffragette, you know?

Yeah. Um, I know who she is. Derby Day.

Yeah. She slipped in here on the night

of the census of 1911, I think it was.

It was before she, you know, jumped in front of the horse,

obviously caused a lot of trouble.

"In this broom cupboard Emily Wilding Davison

"hid herself illegally

"during the night of the 1911 census.

"In this way she was able to record her address

"on the night of the census as being...

"the House of Commons."

I knew you'd be interested.

OK?

I've never done anything like that before.

Then lucky me.

Hey.

Hi.

- Oh, sorry, I forgot to get back... - It's OK, it's OK.

The girl at the counter said the own-brand stuff

is exactly the same, unsurprisingly.

You still suffering?

The chilli might help.

Yeah, if I can taste it.

Mm, not bad.

- Did you get a chance to talk to Rosa? - How did it go?

- The Standing Committee? - Oh.

Select Committee. Um, fine, yeah.

Rosa wasn't in today.

Shall I set the table?

I've done it.

So, according to Martin,

it's a thing now, so no going back.

- Every birthday? - Mm.

As if secret sodding Santa wasn't bad enough.

It's good, love. Tasty.

'...but the only person I can talk to about you is you.

'What we did today is without doubt...

'I know nothing about you.

'Sex with you is like being eaten by a wolf.

'Will you even give me a second thought,

or is this just something you do?'

FYI, all the candidates and the specs we put up.

Saves you printing out the e-mails.

You're a star. Thank you.

Um, Liz, about Kat's maternity cover...

I'm really sorry, I just can't face it.

The thought of doing that commute again every day makes me

want to bang my head against a wall.

Even for six months?

- It's really why I went part-time. - It's OK.

Kat practically told us at the moment of conception.

We'll find someone.

Um, it's black silk

with a red and orange pattern in it.

And when was it you were in, madam?

Tuesday.

Tuesday. One moment, please.

Sorry, madam. No scarves at all.

Oh, well, it was worth a try.

- Indeed. - Thank you.

You're welcome.

So...

are you sure that you weren't just hanging out here

on the off-chance that we'd bump into each other?

Naturally.

No, I... I work at the Beaufort Institute.

- Oh, classy. - You've heard of it?

Well, yeah, of course.

It crops up in the news all the time, doesn't it?

Whenever there's something about genes or genomes or DNA,

which, thanks to you, I now know aren't all the same thing.

Sorry.

What is it you do exactly?

Well, you know, it's civil service.

All very boring.

You don't look like a civil servant.

You don't look like a scientist.

You're married.

So am I.

Shall we just skip all that?

I assume neither of us is looking for a parachute.

No.

Absolutely not.

Great.

I would love it if my daughter wanted to be a scientist,

it's just that, at the moment, that would depend on lab coats coming

in totally artificial fibre, being really shiny, and preferably pink.

Carrie, my daughter, was always completely set on it.

Tunnel vision like me, I suppose.

My niece is doing triple science

at A level. Maybe you could give her a pep talk?

Um...

isn't this all a bit...

back to front, maybe, don't you think?

Shoot first, ask questions later.

Yvonne!

Come on, drink.

So how's Gary?