Atypical

Now that I know I want Julia to be my girlfriend someday,

I've decided to look nice whenever I see her.

That kind of thing is important to girls, but looking nice is hard.

Yeah. Look at you.

Cock of the walk.

You know, because of your hair.

That makes no sense.

I look nothing like a rooster. Roosters don't even have hair.

They have a coxcomb, which is fleshy.

Whoa, whoa, that's like what, the...

what, the red thing on a chicken's head?

Yes.

Coxcomb.

That's a funny word.

As far as birds go, chickens aren't as cool as penguins,

but they have some interesting habits.

In a natural setting, a rooster will entice hens into mating

by spreading his feathers and performing a demonstrative dance.

Jeez!

Don't sneak up. You made me overzest. Why so jumpy?

I know. I couldn't help myself.

These lemon squares look delicious. They're not for you.

They're for group. All right, okay.

Okay, they look fantastic.

You may see him dip one wing

and dance around the female in a circular pattern.

Shit, Casey.

That's a grown-ass man right there.

Are you banging, or are you still in handy land?

Yeah, right. Casey's a total prude.

She's never even kissed a boy.

You didn't mention a boyfriend. How could you not tell me you have a boyfriend?

We're just hanging out.

Mm-hmm. Hanging out with his dick.

Are you?

Hanging out with his dick. No. Sharice.

Go away.

But enticing human girls into mating

or just being your girlfriend takes different skills.

It requires research.

You can't just ask a girl out.

You have to learn the important things about her first.

What's your favorite type of lemonade?

Uh, regular?

Do you like movies?

Yes. I love them.

Do you have any fears or phobias?

Nope. What are your favorite winter sports?

Well, we have been snowshoeing a couple times.

"We"? As in you and your mom.

Me and my boyfriend.

Snowshoeing was his idea.

I hate the cold.

You have a boyfriend?

Mm-hmm. Miles.

Anyway, it's great that you're showing so much interest in others.

We've been working on that.

But how about we get back to you?

Now, when Mr. Tavern's voice bothers you...

When I was younger, if I got upset or stressed,

I would hit or bang my head or yell.

Now I try to use replacement behaviors instead.

Sam.

Is everything okay?

Want to talk?

Maybe I should talk to Mom.

That's usually how things go around here, but Mom has her group tonight.

Okay? Maybe I can help.

I like a girl.

Really?

That's good. What's she like?

She's smart, and she's pretty.

And she has a boyfriend... Miles.

Stupid Miles!

Well, that sucks.

But, you know, it's not the end of the world.

Mom had a boyfriend when I first met her.

She did? This guy Gerald Redenbach.

He had a Jeep and a golden retriever

that wore a bandanna.

She thought he was so cool.

And y-you stole Mom away from him?

Something like that.

How?

I just... stuck around,

being my sweet, charming self.

And that worked?

Well, proof is in the pudding, right?

I don't like pudding.

Well, forget the pudding.

The point is, is you're young, Sam, you know.

Relationships, they come and they go.

She might have a boyfriend this week and next week, who knows?

Does that make sense?

Yes.

I should make myself available in case Miles goes away or dies.

Or they break up amicably.

Okay. I'll do that.

You should.

I think this went well.

Me, too.

I know we're always, um...

talking in here about, you know,

taking time for ourselves

and I did.

I took a dance class. Silly.

Um...

The teacher thought I was really good.

Really silly. But she did say that.

And this is nuts, but afterwards,

we all went to a bar, and I met a guy.

I mean, not a guy-guy. I'm married. You all know Doug.

Not really, he doesn't come to these, they're not his "thing."

Whose thing are they?

It's not like we come here for the fun of it.

No offense.

I like you guys.

Marjorie, you.

Um, so, Sam. Anyway. Um...

Sam is... he had a good week, you know?

But the thing is, at this bar,

for the first time since, probably, Sam was diagnosed,

I wasn't worried or scared.

I was just having fun

with a group of strangers

who had nothing to do with autism.

And, again, I love you guys.

But this guy, this bartender I met,

he is so...

his life is so crazy!

And risk-taking and ordinary, you know?

And I just... I realized that that's, um...

It's just a life Sam's never gonna have.

So, um...

I don't know. I just...

I made lemon squares, um...

so don't anybody be shy.

They're overzested.

Your dad's right, bro. A girl is fair game until there's a ring on it.

A wedding ring.

An engagement ring means she's ready for one more mistake.

Okay, this is perfect.

Watch this.

Sometimes I wish I was smooth, like Zahid.

Of all the people I know, he's the best at girls.

And that's how you do it.

Now I'm gonna hide in the back,

'cause that guy said he's gonna kick my ass, and he has a neck tattoo, so...

How's stuff with you?

How's Doug? Oh, we had a date night.

Which was a total disaster. Mm-hmm.

Every time we have a moment, I ruin it.

Stop it! You're doing great, okay?

I have to say that you're a saint for sticking with him, after what he did.

Shh!

That was a long time ago.

How's Christopher? I meant to ask you, since he's been mainstreamed.

He's having a regression.

Aw.

Having anger issues.

Have you tried music therapy?

Because I met this woman last year, at the Autism Walk,

and I think I might still have her card.

She has this whole studio.

She's a little bit punk rock, but cute as a button.

And...

Oh, no. What's wrong?

My credit card's...

Cancel card.

What's going on? Ugh!

I have to cancel the Visa.

I left it at that bar after dance class.

You're wearing that sweatshirt?

What's wrong with it? Nothing.

I don't understand why you do all that working out

if you're not gonna flaunt your cute figure.

Oh, my God. You want me to dress sluttier?

Why are you canceling it?

Identity theft.

Sweetie, it was a compliment. You're adorable under all that bulk.

Bye!

The bar is ten minutes away. Just pick it up.

No. I'm not gonna add another chore to my to-do list.

But all the bills are on autopay.

Switching everything, that's gonna be like ten chores right there.

You want me to pick it up?

I'll get it on my way to work. No!

Um, you know what?

It's my mistake.

I'll take care of it. You sure?

I'm sorry that I snapped at you.

No. I don't even hear it anymore.

Coach Briggs. You wanted to see me?

Yep. Come in, sit.

Okay.

We need to powwow.

If this is about my suspension, I'm so sorry.

I really... This team is very important to me,

and I would never do anything to mess that up.

Gardner, look at this office.