Peter the Great: Greater Than Ever

PETER THE GREAT GREATER THAN EVER

As I was saying, skinny, baggy-eyed, tired and hopeless,

one day, I felt like going to Europe, to see the world.

So, I took the offer a buddy made me, a great friend of mine,

and I went to Europe to drive trucks.

I spent two years working across all the countries of the Union.

I did pretend to be Spanish, just to avoid problems.

I worked so much, I was coming and going.

I almost died making money.

I'm the best I'm the boss behind the steering wheel

I keep driving until I can't anymore...

The thing is, everything was going great,

until the daughter of one of my bosses fell in love with me. (SCOFFS)

And while I was struggling to make money, she was lifting weights.

You can't even imagine.

She was very strong.

I mean, very big, very strong. You get it.

High-level. Big-boned, man.

Big-boned.

That woman almost killed me.

She would shake me all over the place.

It was rough.

Things got so tricky,

I had to just leave the truck lying somewhere.

I was lucky because an Asian freighter passed by,

and they hired me as a cook.

The thing is, after a few days,

I had all those guys eating from the palm of my hand.

- Pass me the celery, Chinese. - Hey, don't call me "Chinese." I'm Korean.

Let's get this straight.

In my country, we call young people like you "Chinese," daddy.

Don't call me "daddy" either. I don't like being called that.

"Daddy" is like saying "buddy," you know? Like "brother."

Your food is awful.

I will not allow you to disrespect me.

I'll punch you in the nose.

The time has come.

- Come on, I'll show you. - Really?

But wait, the best is yet to come.

I was in the United States.

I was teaching dance classes.

The class for today is the "Pirulinashion."

- (IN SPANISH) It goes like this. - (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

That's it. Shimmy.

This is the basis, man. Stand up.

Of course, I was doing really well with the dance thing,

because I am very good at it.

That's it.

And in the middle of the class...

- Everybody against the wall. ...Immigration came.

Jesus Christ!

I was with a gringa.

The gringa was looking at me.

You know, she was really staring.

Well, the thing is, she got me out.

Thanks to her, I was saved.

So, I traveled all over the United States with her.

And when I say all over the United States, I mean it.

Until I got to Los Angeles.

That place is huge!

It's full of highways, full of traffic.

It's like the Tower of Babel.

All languages are spoken over there.

If you move a tree--

I mean, if you shake a tree, actors will fall.

It's unbelievable. So many actors.

So, I said, "Jesus Christ,

"maybe I have to try that too."

So, what did I do? I got into a school.

But not to study.

Because I had no way to pay for it.

It wasn't a very good school, but there were teachers there.

While I was sweeping and mopping,

I would watch the teachers teaching the classes

and say, "They're doing this."

I saw them doing exercises and so on.

So, I would learn them, you know?

When I was ready, what did I do?

I went to an audition.

What languages do you speak?

Uh, Spanish, English, French.

Uh, I speak Korean very well.

I understand Japanese perfectly, but I don't write it.

I can speak and understand German.

And I know basic Portuguese and Italian.

Can you read your lines?

No, it's not necessary. I know them.

Do it, please.

"Don't tell me how many there are, tell me where they are."

Can you do it in English?

Are you ready to order?

Action!

(IN SPANISH) My character was a waiter waiting on the main characters

in a restaurant scene,

and I wasn't going to miss the opportunity.

So, when they started shooting,

and since I had experience in restaurants,

I made up my own lines.

Lines that were funny and smart.

Are you ready to order?

Uh, maybe you didn't see a wine that wasn't on the menu,

a maximum-level wine.

Uh, a wine that is both French and Spanish,

- (IN ENGLISH) just in the border... Cut!

It's in English!

Miss, I'm so sorry, but I spoke both Spanish and English

to give a cosmopolitan tone to the scene. You understand?

And since you interrupted me, that camera is a little low.

- It doesn't help me. My nose-- - Where did he come from?

You can see--

(IN ENGLISH) Come on!

- What's going on? What the fuck?

(IN SPANISH) They fired me immediately.

My acting career had ended.

But since God shapes the back for the burden,

I ran into my nemesis, Mr. César Luis Freydell.

- Hmm. - And, well, the guy...

The guy was really nice to me.

And he gave me a job there.

I don't know if he actually did it to help me or to humiliate me.

But since I needed it,

two days later, I was driving an amazing car

and driving important people from one place to the other

in a city I didn't know.

And you can laugh. Yes, I know you will laugh,

but my first customer was none other than Mr. Juan Gabriel.

That gentleman... I don't remember. He was from Juárez?

Yes, I know he's dead, but, at that time, he was alive.

And this man gets in my car.

I almost fainted.

But he was more impressed when he saw me.

And he quickly started flirting.

Without offending him,

I explained we could be friends, but that's all.

He was a little disappointed, but he accepted it like a gentleman.

And he was so generous and so kind to me,

that, sometime later, he wrote a song for me.

I couldn't leave the United States, the United States of America,

- well, because... - Uh...

I'm sorry, can you excuse me?

- Of course. Go ahead. - Thank you.

I'll continue when you get back.

She's so into me.

He went to the yard and a dog bit him And ripped his only pair of pants

Pirulin pin pon, pirulin pin pon His only shirt and his only pair of pants

Pirulin pin pon, pirulin pin pon His only shirt and his only pair of pants

Pirulino, pirulino, pirulino, pirulin

Pirulino, pirulino, pirulino, pirulon

Pirulin pin pon, pirulin pin pon...

Sir, we've arrived.

- Um, where am I? - In Bogotá. You have to get off the plane.

- When did I fall asleep? - At the best part. Please.

One second, I'll get my suitcase.

Hello.

How are you?

COLOMBIAN REPUBLIC

DIGITAL PASSPORT DEPORTED

Deported?

No, sir. They confused me with someone else.

Ah.

Don't tell me you're going to deport me too.

- Welcome to Colombia. - God bless you. Thank you.

Next.

We're here, boss.

NERINE RESIDENTIAL COMPLEX

I heard Pedrito had come far,

but I never imagined this.

So many years without seeing my boy.

I wonder how my son is doing, my handsome buddy.

- Hey, did you need me? - Yes, that's right, sit down.

So, I have good news for you.

What is it?

The university gave us the deal to update their entire computer system.

- I told you! That's great! Yes.

That's great!

You know what that means, right?

- Uh, I don't know. A raise? Hmm? - (SMACKS LIPS) No.

Better than that.

As of today,

you're the company's Research and Development Vice President.

- Really? - Of course! I'm serious.

- Fernanda, are you serious? - I am, Pedro.

Thank you. Thank you! Thank you very much!

- Much deserved, Pedro. Much deserved. - Thank you. Thanks!

I told you already. Mr. Coral isn't here.

And I'm telling you that I am Mr. Coral's father.

Yeah, right.

- Do I look like a fool? - No, sir.

You look like anything but a fool.

Why don't you call the house

and say I'm Mr. Coral's dad, and that I'm waiting.

- You'll see it's true. - I won't.

So, can I wait for him here?

Sure. Would you like some water?

Take one more step and I'll have to use force.

Let me in and I'll wait on the grass.

No.

- Can I use the bathroom? - No!

Why don't you understand that I'm telling you the truth?

Why don't you cooperate with me and leave before I call the police?