Puppy Star Christmas

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together

to celebrate the union of two of my favorite pups.

Is this a fairy tale?

Is it love that I'm feeling?

Oh, pull it together, you two. It's a wedding, not a funeral.

- -Oh, here. Ida, here.

-Gracias. -It's gonna be okay.

Gracias.

So, come on, everybody, get on up,

and let's show these two just how groovy puppy love can be.

Hey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See you soon. We love you.

Hey, yo, be easy, fam.

Let there be love.

-Yeah. -Hallelujah.

Come on.

All right.

What time is it?

Uh... Two fifty, still.

-They've been in there for hours. -It's been five minutes.

Look, these things take time.

Okay? Just breathe.

Remember Lamaze class. Hee, hee...

-Good. -I'm bugging out here.

-Wait. -Tiny, I'm coming.

Just calm down, okay? Here, have a cigar.

What? I don't smoke.

-Yeah, I don't either, actually. -I don't get it.

-Why do we have cigars? -I don't know.

I got the call that Tiny's having the puppies,

I ran to the car, fell, hit my head,

I was driving by a cigar shop, and bought a bunch of cigars.

I have no idea what was going on, okay? I'm on autopilot right now.

Would you just please...

calm down, P.U.P.?

Lou, Lou, Lou. The puppies.

-Are they--? -Can't talk. Getting towels.

Shep, I'm dying out here.

-Tiny, is she--? -Steven.

I'm sterilizing. I don't have time for your melodrama.

-But wait-- -You're killing me.

-That goes for you, too, Papa. -What--?

Ida, Tiny.

Tiny's doing great, Mr. Steven. And the puppies are coming soon, too.

I'm already flipping my fur.

We can't bring the puppies into this world to meet esta gente loca, can we?

-No. Yes. I mean, no. - Cuckoo.

We're not loca. We're fine.

We're normal. We're not crazy.

-You're more cuckoo than that clock. -Okay?

Cuckoo.

-Towels, incoming. -Water to go.

-We have hot water. -Hot.

-Hot water. -Hot water.

Ah.

I need a nap.

Cuckoo.

Time to wake up, Papa.

Hmm?

The puppies are here.

What happened? What--? Where--?

-Three adorable girls. -

Rosie, Charlie, and the tiniest one, Cindy.

And a very handsome boy, Brody.

Aren't they the most beautiful puppies ever?

Yes, they are, old pal.

Oh, my dog.

Tiny? Is she okay?

-Um... -Well, come see for yourselves.

Come on.

How you doing, darling?

I can truly say that I've never, ever been better.

We're going to be good parents, right?

We're gonna be awesome.

Those orphans have foiled Julio for the last time.

Say it.

Say the line.

Holy frijoles, mi amoeba.

Evil just got a lot better-looking.

Cut.

Cut.

Finally.

Please, tell Julio he can start acting, any time now.

Ai-yai-ai.

Lo siento, everybody.

The gringo is still adjusting.

If I'm so bad, why am I here?

Ratings, idiota.

You're like a car crash.

You miserable little imp.

I can't do this anymore.

Get these amateurs off my set.

This show won't last two episodes without me.

Do you know who I am?

Yes.

An out-of-work gringo actor.

Somebody get me Casting.

I need two dogs.

One a medium, one a Chihuahua.

There is only one Julio.

How hard do you think it will be

to find a Chihuahua?

This is Mexico.

Uh... Wait, what?

What just happened? This is bad.

Julio is confused.

Wait, wait, wait.

I can play both parts.

I'll work for scale.

Come on, scaredy-cat. Get in there and stamp it down.

This is so gross.

-Hey. -

Wait.

Kano. Something's moving in here.

Better keep stamping.

What the...?

Hey, you. Turn that camera off.

Oh, you think this is funny?

How's this for a headline?

"Hack reporter gets free ambulance ride."

You're watching DMZ.

Way to take a hit.

Glad it's you, and not me, Micky. Looks rough.

Worth it.

You're a true journalist.

Mean Team, you're the ultimate losers.

Trash taking out trash, right?

And how do you get fired from your own show?

Am I right, guys?

Just when you thought you couldn't sink any lower than daytime TV.

I guess crime doesn't pay.

You said-- What do you mean?

-Charlie, Rosie, Cindy. -What's up, Bro?

You will not believe what's going on in the kitchen.

-Breathe, Brody, breathe. -Come on, come on.

- -Mm. Turkey time.

-Mm. Yes. -You know, when I first came to America,

I thought you were all loco with the Thanksgiving.

Pero now... Whoo.

I love the pumpkin pie.

Yes. Mmm.

Oh! Mr. Steven. You will spoil your dinner.

Okay.

Okay.

Hot.

Oy, no, no, no.

It says right here in my Julia Child cookbook,

you cannot start carving for 15 minutes.

Okay, okay.

- Mm-hm. - Let's set the table.

Yes, I love the Thanksgiving table.

Bro, I think you just found the mother lode.

It smells so delicious.

Forget how it smells, Rosie. I wanna know how it tastes.

Brody, we can't do that.

What if it's poisoned?

What are you even talking about, Brody?

I know. What if I take a bite, and test it first?

If there's no poison, it's just a teensy bite, right?

But if there is, I'm a hero.

You know that doesn't make any sense, right?

Come on.

The puppies' first Thanksgiving.