The Middle

Graduation--

the pomp, the circumstance,

but at Orson Technical Institute,

utility room C, there wasn't much of either.

Congratulations to the class of first quarter 2013!

Class of first quarter 2013 rules!

Aha! Way to go, mom!

Aw.

I'm really proud of you, Frankie.

Well, I think I can speak for all of us

when I say you're a true inspiration.

And if we can achieve...

You're not getting a car.

God! But-- ugh. You're gonna get a job.

I'm sorry. I'm so confused. What was all this for?

Okay, turn into the kitchen.

To the right. To the right.

Okay, stop. Watch your head.

Darrin lost at crazy eights,

and now he has to carry me everywhere today.

Now that Sue and Darrin had graduated to full-time couple,

Axl decided for the sake of their friendship

he'd suck it up and swallow his feelings.

Mind if I talk to my friend,

or is that not allowed?

Oh! (Blows raspberry) Please.

I'm not one of those girls

who has to be with her boyfriend 24/7.

So what's up?

Well, while you've been busy giving dorkyback rides,

I've been out marketing our band,

and guess what-- I got us our first paying gig.

Avert your eyes

or risk being blinded by my awesomeness.

You're kidding. That's great!

Now get ready, 'cause we are on a rocket ship to stardom.

We are playing at the Orson Dollar Days!

The one they do in the parking lot every year

behind the shoe warehouse?

Not only that, but they're paying us $50,

or 100 Dollar Day dollars.

No expiration date, discount merchandise only,

- all sales, final, blah. - This is awesome.

Maybe I could use my cut

to buy Sue those imitation Ugg boots she wants.

Yeah, I think Ugg boots would be the perfect gift for Sue.

What? They would.

So what do you think of this?

I like it.

Well, how 'bout this one?

Yeah. Like that one, too.

Mike. You're just trying to get out of helping.

Did it work?

Oh, I can't believe I actually have to go on interviews now.

Maybe I should take a sip of wine before I go in.

People always say I'm great at parties.

Don't know how many dentists

are looking for a drunk Beyonce impersonator,

but worth a shot.

Brick, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm earning my family life badge

for Prairie Scouts.

You-- you're in Scouts? Since when?

Joined a couple weeks ago. Did I not tell you?

You did not.

Well, who did I tell?

Well, I think it's great that you've joined something, Brick.

But Scouts? Really?

I checked out an old handbook from the library,

and I found it very appealing.

And it has an interesting font-- Menlo Bold.

Menlo Bold.

Now can you please sign this,

saying that I completed the task in an efficient manner

with a first-rate attitude?

Mm-hmm.

There you go.

Oh, and I'm going to need $40.

Hmm.

I'd hold off on that check. You know he's just gonna quit.

You know, you should be thrilled, Mike.

Your odd son wants to do a boy thing.

Yeah. I've been burned before, Frankie.

Remember basketball? All he did was count the dribbles.

I don't know. He seems to be really into it this time.

This could be his thing.

It's not his thing.

Oh, yeah? You don't know that.

He made our bed.

Packin' it in and hittin' the road?

My Scout troop's going camping this weekend.

Camping? You remember what that is, right?

When we slept in a tent, outside with the bugs?

I know. I'm gonna get my camping badge.

But I can't go if I don't get that check.

So...

Yeah. About that, look, Brick,

we can't afford to just fork over 40 bucks

for something you're just gonna quit.

I get your concern.

I understand I've been a quitter in the past.

That's mom's influence.

- Yeah, probably. - But not this time.

I'm committed, dad.

I'm in it till the end.

Okay. Well, you realize the end is not tomorrow.

We're gonna get our 40 bucks worth of fun out of this

no matter how miserable you are.

It's all good, dad. I've got this.

I didn't get the job.

Aw. Well, don't worry.

You'll get 'em next time. Right?

I'm not so sure, Mike.

Apparently, in order to get a job,

you have to know who you are.

Well, I know who you are.

You're someone who needs a job.

Well, that's not enough anymore.

It's a whole thing now.

You gotta be able to sell yourself.

I wasn't even able to sell a car.

How the heck am I supposed to sell myself?

That's true. That is why you got fired.

I was not fired, Brick. I was let-- ugh.

Anyway, the whole way home, I'm thinkin',

"I don't know. Do I even know who I am anymore?"

I mean, okay, help me out here.

Come on. Just give me something.

If you had one word to describe me,

what would it be?

- Lazy. - Angry. - Tired.

Hey, hey, hey. One at a time.

- Lazy. - Angry.

Tired.

Actually, "lazy" and "tired" are kind of the same thing.

Yeah, but I still think she's more lazy than angry.

I don't know. If you call her on being lazy,

- she gets really angry. - Mm.

That's not fair.

Thank you.

She's only angry because she's getting older,

nothing turned out like she wanted,

and now at this late stage of her life,

when she should be able to kick back and relax,

she's stuck grabbing at her one last chance

to try and make something of herself.

Wait. What about naggy?

- Good answer. - Oh, good answer.

- Very good answer. - Good answer.

Okay, that's enough.

The reason your mom is tired, lazy, and irritable

is 'cause of you guys.

No one... said... irritable.

Okay, fine. You're not irritable.

You know what? Forget it. You people are useless.

We were only trying to help. God, she is so ungrateful.

Ooh! Ungrateful!

- Good answer. - Good answer.

- Good answer. - Good answer.

Whoo!

This'll be, like,

our Axl And The Ax Men signature pose.

We should seriously try to patent it.

Uh, yeah. I've been thinking...

our name sounds a little... '50s, or whatever.

What are you talking about?

Well, Sue had an interesting idea.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Well, we were hanging out,

you know, and talking and stuff,

and I thought maybe it did sound a little... blah.

But then we thought what if it had all your names--

Darrin, Sean, Axl--

Daseanax.

What?

Daseanax?

Huh. That's actually pretty cool.

Oh, my God. In what universe?

We are a brand--

Axl And The Axmen.

And, yes, my name's on it.

But I'm the one who started the band,

I'm the one who got us this gig,

and I was the one who was up all last night

working on a new album cover!

No, you didn't.

You watched "Titanic" with mom and then you went to bed.

I think he was crying. He cries a lot.

Let's just play.

One, two, three, four!

Dude, dude, you are killing the song.

We need more egg.

I can't drum and play the egg at the same time.

I'm not an octopus.

Uh, I'll do it.

I-I played the tambourine for Reverend Timtom.

And I don't wanna brag,

but I was pretty good.

Nope. No way! Not happening.

My sister is not in the band.