The Mayor

Don't judge. The taper's when it all comes together.

Hold still. One slip and I'm gonna have to shave your head.

Oh, please don't, Mom.

I'm not really confident with the shape of my head.

- There's a little peanut in the back. - It's all right.

What's more unprofessional...

getting an in-office haircut,

getting an in-office haircut from your mom,

or getting... you know what?

It's all unprofessional.

I gotta look good for today.

It's my first mayoral appearance at Fort Grey Elementary...

- our old alma mater. - That's right,

and as your Communication Director,

I scored us Channel 8 News.

I also called CNN. They said no.

But they were kind of nice about it, so I think they might come.

And as your Director of Constituent Services,

I... will be doing that.

T.K., when a constituent has an issue,

you help them fix it.

Let me spell it out for you.

It's like a combination of streamlining and liaising.

Yes, thank you.

I... I get it now.

Guys, you know what's really inspiring

is that the kids are gonna be able to meet the mayor!

They're gonna know that dreams really can come true.

Or that an attention-seeking showboat

can end up with way more power

than people are actually comfortable with.

- That's a valid lesson, too. - Most importantly,

we have a very important budget meeting later with Vern.

- Who's Vern? - Vern Corker?

He's the biggest stud

in Oakland's fiscal analytics committee.

I poached him

from their Department of Water and Power.

It was a major coup.

The point is

the City Council votes on the budget tomorrow,

so part of me feels like we should know what's in it.

Just call me old-fashioned.

So, a meeting before a meeting?

Do I get a haircut before a haircut?

No, it just doesn't make sense.

There are more important things to your job

than just looking good for press events.

Are you saying I look good? Girl!

I'm saying, it's our first budget meeting!

You should understand the procedures

so that we can actually get some work done.

You don't think a sharp haircut can get things done?

That explains a lot.

Wow, this place really brings back memories.

I learned my first scales on that piano,

figured out some crazy time signatures on those drums,

and, uh, kissed Shawna King by those tambourines.

Eww!

But seriously, I would be nowhere

if it wasn't for the lessons I picked up right here.

Music kept me out of trouble.

It was like a guardian angel looking over me

while my mom was out struggling to put food on the table.

I love you, Ma.

I love you, too, baby!

And you know what else music taught me?

Music taught me that no matter who you are,

you have something to bring to the band.

No matter how small you are, or how quiet you are,

or how overlooked...

just like the triangle.

This thing's the worst.

The worst? What's your name?

Theresa.

I hate the triangle.

Come on! That thing packs entire Cajun beats.

It brings cowboys home to dinner.

I'm sorry, is that thing decorative?

I mean, that man is changing young minds.

Document this!

Give it a try.

Yeah, there it is!

You just had to find your groove there, T!

Y'all, look. You even got Miss Dempsey back here getting it!

But, if it wasn't for music,

I wouldn't be your mayor.

You hear that, Principal Keeler?

Mayor.

Say it with me. May-yor.

And you told me he'd be living at home

for the rest of his life.

I mean, he is,

but as the mayor.

Give me a little dab.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, wait.

Let me see that.

How would you kids like some new instruments?

- Hmm? - Yeah!

Right?

New percussion, new horns,

a piano with more than six keys.

You know what?

While we're at it,

let's get a new digital sound system

and we're gonna name it after someone

we all know and love...

Chance the Rapper?

No, but we'll... we'll figure it out later.

- It's... it's me. It's... - Excuse me, Mr. Mayor.

- May I just have a moment with you? - Yeah.

Yeah, we can't be freestyling promises.

The City Council has to approve stuff like that.

Yeah, but the old way wasn't working,

and, Val, I'm not a politician.

Promising things you can't follow through on...

textbook politician.

And that's why I plan to follow through.

Textbook Rose.

Miss Dina!

Hey. What's that?

Oh, it's my back brace.

It's phonebook week.

I don't know why we still have these things.

But then again, how would anyone ever find

their local Radioshack or Blockbuster?

What's Blockbuster?

- Don't worry about it. - Well, hey.

Maybe I can help you out with that.

I was carb-loading last night.

Fitness is a passion.

Aww, well, that's very sweet of you, T.K.,

- but don't you have a big job now? - No, man.

It's like a pity job you give somebody to keep them busy.

Like how for Thanksgivings, you put Jermaine in charge

of keeping me from the cranberry sauce?

Uh, no offense, T.K.,

but that job is as real as they come.

Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do, Miss Dina,

but come on.

The last Director of Constituent Services

died in 1976 and was never replaced.

Get in the truck.

Don't touch my licorice.

If you take one things from this budget meeting,

it's that third-quarter projections

mirror Q1 and Q2 in qualifying districts.

Vern, no one expects you

to have this on your fingertips,

but can you please just explain the parameters

that qualify the districts?

I know, it's... it's... it's crazy to ask, but...

That was actually the thrust of my next slide.

- I knew it would be. - Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm trying 'gram some pics.

You know, keep the people informed.

#MayorRose.

#ItsAllAboutTransparency.

But, man, you are not giving me

anything that I can work with.

Can we please just jump to a sexier slide?

I think I can deliver on that.

Thank you, brother.

Here are some budget percentages

of various programs as...

pie charts.

Man, our "sexy" s are very different.

Can you just maybe try peppering his name in?

It'll help keep his attention.

Sure.

Courtney Rose.

Maybe just a little bit more seamlessly...

- Hold up. - I stand corrected.

Where is the music program?

There's no music pie slice.

Because, Courtney Rose,

the City Council is proposing to eliminate it.

Courtney Rose.

Are you serious?

I just literally promised to boost music funding.

What am I supposed to tell Theresa?

I hate to be that guy,

but this is why we should have had

the prelim meeting this morning.

Could've seen this one coming.

Okay, first of all, you love to be that guy.

Secondly, you're missing the point.

They're cutting the music program.

For children!

They're like little tiny helpless adults.

What do you suggest that we cut in its place?

Ladders for firefighters?

Raises for underpaid teachers?

Oh, what about we just get rid of water?

That's not what I'm saying.

But really, "traffic flow" gets a pie slice?

That is a fat boy slice.

Reducing traffic is hugely popular.