How to Be a Gentleman - First Season

You wanted to see me, Jerry?

Yeah. Come on in.

The 25-year-old genius that runs our magazine

is making some more changes.

Please don't tell me we have to use

those productivity scooters again.

Hey, Andrew, I need to talk to you about...

Any idea where the brakes are on...

No, thank God.

But the new owners are

shutting down the Denver office

and firing half the staff.

The other half are being sent here.

So you now have an editorial assistant.

I don't need an assistant.

I'm very particular about the way I do things.

I mean, my files are alphabetized, color-coded,

and prioritized according to relevance.

That's called OCD.

I don't need an assistant.

I mean, the last guy I had

tried to organize my files chronologically.

: I mean, chronologically, Jerry.

You've got no choice here.

I got one, too.

His name is Derek.

Yes, Mr. Dunham?

Ah, hey, Derek. Hey.

I'm good, I'm good. You know what, hey, Derek,

why don't you close the door on your way out.

: Guy scares the hell out of me.

And he's got freakish hearing.

Just trying to do my job.

: I love that guy.

Look, they can't force me to have an assistant.

I don't want one. I don't need one.

My answer is no.

Mr. Carlson, your new assistant is here.

Hi. I'm Amy.

My answer is maybe.

Hi. I'm Andrew.

May I ask, where do you stand on chronological filing?

It disgusts me.

I prefer color-coding and sorting by relevance.

Amy, welcome to the team.

And then someone named Bert called.

Bert's my personal trainer.

He's an artist,

and this... is his canvas.

Oh, I'll get it.

It's kind of my job.

Andrew Carlson's office.

No, this is not Andrew.

I have a high phone voice.

Hold on, Mr. Richards, let me see if I can get him.

He's gonna have to call you back.

Bye.

You just sang the hold music.

Wait, did you used to work for Dick Bergen?

Yeah. How do you...

You're Amy from Dick's office.

I used to call him all the time when I was a fact-checker.

: Oh, my God, I can't believe you're Andy from fact-checking.

Your fake hold music was legendary.

You used to harmonize with it. Eh.

(Andrew harmonizing on last note)

I used to always do that on the other side.

You couldn't see it.

I'm glad I could see it now.

Hey. What are you doing?

I'm at work.

Working. What are you doing?

I was in the neighborhood, buying a new humidor,

so I thought I'd say hey and grab some office supplies.

You can't just come to my office

and take things-- it's stealing.

It's built into the price of the magazine.

I didn't know you collected cigars.

I just have the one.

I'm saving it for a special occasion-- it's a Cuban.

My dad got it for my eighth birthday.

I thought the traditional gift

for an eighth birthday was a prostitute.

No, that's 13.

Oh, here, let me help you with that.

Bert, this is Amy,

my new assistant.

Bert Lansing.

Andrew's roommate-slash-trainer.

Oh, right. My boss is your canvas.

I told you to stop telling people that.

It's weird.

Can I get you anything, Mr. Lansing?

Just a bottle of water.

And a box of paper clips,

and enough rubber bands to make a ball that big.

I'll see what I can do.

Wow, she's something.

Yeah.

She's the new laser printer.

Supposedly prints 40 pages a minute.

I'm talking about the smoking-hot girl carrying it.

Please tell me you're getting on that.

That happens to be my assistant,

and it's completely inappropriate to date her.

Come on, office sex is part of the American Dream.

Why do you think I put an office in my gym?

It is unethical for me to think of her that way.

There are entire handbooks written

to prevent bosses from hitting on their employees.

Yeah, but those books were written

back when assistants were ugly.

Diane, you've done it again.

This tuna casserole is fantastic.

Actually, it's chicken.

Then it might be going bad.

Oh, so, Andrew, I called your office today,

and I love your new hold music.

That's something my new assistant does.

You know what else she does?

She's smoking hot.

All I know is she's great at her job.

Yeah, I bet she is.

How are you making that dirty?

Job?

I don't want to talk about Amy, okay?

You know, this guy is unbelievable.

He's got a ridiculously hot assistant,

and he won't ask her out.

That's right, because a gentleman

does not dip his pen in the company ink.

Well, you know what, Andrew?

Janet and I went to the bathroom where we ate.

He's trying to say we met at work.

Yes.

Never been a problem for us.

What about the time you guys got in trouble

for fooling around in an empty office at the museum?

See? Your sister doesn't have a problem

banging her employees.

: I thought we were never gonna

tell anyone about that.

It was supposed to be a secret.

I just told Andrew; he's my brother.

I should be able to tell him things.

Not secrets.

That's why you call them secrets

and not "tell your brother-isms."

Oh, excuse me.

Hello?

Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, I have the wrong number.

No, Jerry, it's me.

I have a high phone voice.

What do you want?

One of our interviews fell through, and I need

something from you by tomorrow to replace it.

I can't write an article by tomorrow.

Well, fish something out you wrote

a couple of years ago and rework it.

I'll have Amy meet you at the office.

No, I don't need Amy to...

Oh, shoot, Derek's coming.

You know, the guy has a tattoo

of a scarecrow with no mouth.

That can't be good.

Jerry, wait, I need...

Ah, well, I got to go back to work.

Is Amy gonna be there?

Yes, she is.

Oh, yeah...

You know, I'm not like you.

Every encounter with a woman is not a Barry White song.

My relationship with Amy is strictly business.

The business of "Oh, yeah..."

Hey, Andrew.

Hey.

: Hey.

Sorry about my outfit.

I was on the way to yoga when Jerry called.

Oh, is-is that not what you usually wear to work?

'Cause I picture you without clothes.

As in, I don't notice what you normally wear

'cause I see you as just another human working person.

Good, because I see you as a human working person, too.

: Okay, well, I, uh...

get to work.

I need to find a thousand-word

article to recycle by tomorrow.

What about that great article you did a couple years ago?

"Let's Give the Goatee Back to the Goats."

How do you know about that article?

I'm a fan of your work.

You're part of what inspired me to become a writer.

This is embarrassing, but it's kind of why

I asked to be on your desk.

That's not embarrassing.

I'd love to have you on my desk.

Professionally.

Uh, so you want to be a writer?

Yeah, actually I have a couple of ideas