Can't Hardly Wait

Vicky just told me about this huge party tonight.

-No way. Where? -Dude, there's a huge party tonight.

-Cool, we crash it? -No, man, we're just going.

-There's a huge party. -I heard about this party tonight.

My God, did you hear Mike totally dumped Amanda?

I just heard Mike Dexter and Amanda Beckett broke up.

Did you hear? Chris Moore is totally naked under his gown.

What? That was totally my idea.

-Tell me we'll never break up. -There's this party.

If you're not going with anyone, I'm not going with anyone....

You're there, I'm there...

-...everybody's there. -We're there.

If you're not going with anyone and if I'm not going with anyone....

I've had a library book out since the 3rd grade.

I got caught. I'm going to community college.

-My gown smells like blue cheese. -Shut up.

-Whose party is it? -That girl from our French class.

-That girl in our gym class. -The one with the thighs?

-The one with the weird knees. -You joined the Army?

-Serve my country. -You know they shave your head?

What?

I just saw Chris Moore ass-naked.

-I feel so sorry for Amanda. -You are so full of crap.

If you're not going with anyone and if I'm not going with--

-No. -Okay.

Hey, dude, did you hear? I'm naked under my gown.

Yeah, I heard that.

How about that party? It's gonna be huge.

I heard that too.

Then I guess you heard about Mike dumping Amanda?

-Wait, what'd you say? -Where have you been, man?

Mike Dexter broke up with Amanda Beckett.

This is so perfect. Amanda Beckett is single.

And on the night of this party.

A party I'll be attending, a party she'll be attending.

It's all falling into place. It's like-- It's like it's fate.

I thought we weren't even going to this party.

Don't you wanna keep your tassel? For $5 you can keep your tassel.

Yeah, then I can press it in between my yearbook with my prom corsage.

-What? -Nothing.

I mean, nice to tell me that you've changed your plans.

You're only leaving tomorrow but, whatever.

Denise, Amanda and I have to finish what we started four years ago.

You know what the problem is? It's like you're afraid to move forward.

I mean, Preston, we are so out of here.

Why do you wanna go to this party and look back? Don't look back.

-You should never look back. -Dudes, I actually graduated.

-Unless you're that guy. -Freak.

I'm all right.

Look, all I'm saying is, Amanda and I are connected.

We have been ever since the first day she came to school.

-Oh, God, here we go. -It was October, freshman year.

First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus.

If I had arrived on time, I never would have seen her.

But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High...

...to set eyes on Amanda Beckett.

It was her first day of school.

Then, I'm sitting in class...

...enjoying a light breakfast when suddenly...

...out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine.

And where does the teacher sit her?

Right next to me.

Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence.

But then...

...she reached into her bag and pulled out a strawberry Pop-Tart.

The very same breakfast pastry that I was consuming at that moment.

What was I to do? How was I to proceed?

Who would like to volunteer to give Amanda a tour of the school?

I will.

Mike Dexter.

That's where I lost her.

I had a clear shot and I hesitated.

But fate's finally given me a second chance.

Well, have fun tonight and be sure to tell everyone how much I'll miss them.

You're not gonna go?

-I can't believe you're not gonna go. -Why would I go?

What else are you gonna do tonight?

-I can't believe I'm going to this party. -I can't believe he broke up with her.

I can't believe you broke up with her, man.

Well, it's like I always say:

-But Amanda's so hot, man. -So hot, man.

Yeah, I guess. For a high-school girl.

Guys, we're gonna be in college soon. You know who's gonna be in college?

-Girls that used to be in high school. -No, man.

Women, college women.

Women with no curfew, women on the pill, and women....

Women, bro. We're staring into the future here.

And the future...

...is women.

-Women. -Women.

Hey.

Maybe we should break up with our girlfriends too.

That would be sweet. We'd have the whole summer to hang out together.

Party, and get with every chick in sight, man.

Without our lame-ass girlfriends around.

-Yeah, man. They suck. They suck. -That's what I'm saying.

-That's what I'm saying. -You're right, Dex, man.

Beth can kiss my ass.

-Yes, baby, yes! -Yeah!

This is brilliant, man. This is such a good idea.

-Mike Dexter's a god. -Mike Dexter's a role model.

Mike Dexter is an asshole.

For the past decade, he has made a hobby of my pain.

Witness Exhibit A: My 8th grade science project.

A working rainforest that Mike threw out a third-floor window.

It rains here no more.

Witness Exhibit B:

An eye patch I wore for a month...

...after Mike beaned me with a raisin in Home Ec.

My parents took me to a 3-D film festival.

I saw no third dimension.

And of course, how can I forget the pudding incident?

I know no one else has.

Well, gentlemen, tonight Mike Dexter will know humiliation.

Tonight, Mike Dexter will know ridicule.

Tonight is the night we fight back.

Tonight is our independence night.

Hello? Get this off your head. You're acting like a....

Look, maybe we should go over the plan again.

All right, we will set up behind the poolhouse. Right there.

This is me.

You are Grand Moff Tarkin and you are Boba Fett.

-How come he gets to be Boba Fett? -Really, it doesn't matter.

Fine, you're Boba Fett, you're Grand Moff Tarkin.

I don't wanna be Grand Moff Tarkin.

You know what? Fine, you're both Kiss dolls.

You set up here.

Now, I will lead Mike and one of his random jock friends...

...behind the poolhouse to here and here, where you two will be waiting.

You then jump down on them...

...rendering them unconscious with the chloroform we mixed in Chem Lab.

Then we strip off said jock's clothes...

...and take Polaroids of them in a lurid, naked embrace.

Do you think there'll be any girls there?

Are you kidding? People may even be having sex.

Cool.

Yo, I gotta have sex tonight.

I mean, peep this. It say here 92 percent of honeys at UCLA...

...are sexually active. Ninety-two percent of women in L.A. at UCLA...

...are walking around going, "Class or sex? What shall I do?"

Ninety-two percent, yo. You know what that means, don't you?

That means I got a 92-percent chance of embarrassing myself.

I roll up on that shorty like, "What's up, yo?"

She be like, "You don't know 20 ways to make me call you Big Poppa."

-Because I don't, yo. -Rest in peace.

Hey, what's up, man?

-Who'll be the lucky honey? -I ain't decided yet.

I figure, all the bitches in the class gonna be at this party.

I gots to give them all an equal opportunity to Special K.

It took me all day but I narrowed it down to a list of 10 very lucky finalists.

-Well, what's up, man? -You wanna see?

-Yeah. -Check this out.

Observe.

The love kit.

-Damn, man. Our boy is a fag, yo. -Who's a fag?

Yo, both of y'all.

That is a "fragrance of love" scented candle, bitch. Damn.

You think you're gonna hit this party packing a pleasure chest...

-...and some girl just gonna give it up? -Watch me, G.

-Wait. -What?

I have the letter.

-You're not gonna give her the letter. -Why wouldn't I give her the letter?

Because you haven't had the chance to revise it for the 4 billionth time.

All great writers revise. What--?

"Dear Amanda:

Now that you're finally single, I can finally give you this sappy love letter...

...that I never had the guts to give you during all four years of high school."

-Listen to this. -What?

-This is Barry Manilow. -Yeah, I know.

Why do we have a radio station on that plays Barry Manilow?

Just listen to the words, Denise.

Amanda. Mandy, Aman-- "Mandy" is short for Amanda.

That's it, that's my sign.

Preston...

...I hate to interrupt this alternate universe you've wandered into here...

...but, like, I heard that song's about his dog.

It's not about a dog. It's about a woman named Amanda.

Who the hell names their dog Amanda?

My cousin named her dog Samantha.

Look, shut up about the dog, okay?

That's my sign.

That is totally my sign.

Consider me ready.

Hi. Oh, my God, you guys, come on in. Don't let the dog out.

Susan, you look so cute. The drinks are in the back, okay?

Oh, Preston, I'm so glad you came.

And you brought a friend. Hi.

No, it's okay. Just come on in. Just, you know, drink and be happy.

Preston Meyers, not one step further until you sign my yearbook.

I'm gonna be the first Huntington Hills student to get all 522 seniors to sign.

My, how ambitious of you.

Don't think you're getting away without signing.

I saved a special space for you to sign in the back.

Why didn't you get your senior portrait taken?

Specifically to avoid moments like this one, actually.

Thanks, you two. Go, Huntington!

Hey, guys, wait up. I almost fell out of my dress.

-Let's go, boys. Time is honey. -Oh, yeah.

Cool, a key party, bro. We don't drive home drunk.

You look so pretty. Christie, Jessica, thank you for coming.