The Boondocks

In retrospect, it really was my fault.

This is all your fault, granddad.

If we die, I ain't never gonna forgive you.

Please, don't turn over! Aah!

Oh, no. What are we gonna do?

First thing you need to do is get some clothes on.

All right, think. We got to think about what we're gonna do.

Huey, what do we do?

We go home. This way.

What home?

We have no home. We have no future. We have nothing!

Granddad!

Granddad, come on.

Nope. This is it. End of the road for me.

Granddad, we don't have time for this. They're coming.

You guys go. I'm not coming.

I'm going to stand in the middle of the road in my drawers

with this gun until the man comes.

Then I'm gonna go out like a G!

Granddad! You the real gay.

***

Boy, what the hell you doing in here?

I told you... I'm working with very unstable material.

It would help if you would knock.

It would help me if you shut the hell up.

I have that appointment with the financial planner,

and you're both coming with me.

Man, why we have to go?

Now that our situation has changed,

we need to start thinking like white people...

all of us.

I told you I have to finish my chemistry project.

Are you sure you're just doing a chemistry project

and not making no bombs?

Yes, granddad. I swear. I'm not making a bomb.

What is that...

That pink stuff right there?

Isn't that what terrorists put up their Booty hole,

then they put a match up their Booty hole to blow up the whole plane?

You'd better not be making no Booty-hole bombs around here.

It's not a bomb, granddad.

It's... wave cream.

I've been thinking about going with the Billy Dee look.

Good. About time. Come on. Let's go.

Don't hold back. Give it to me straight.

I've been giving it to you straight for a half-hour, Mr. Freeman.

According to this, every one of your credit cards is maxed out.

You're broke. You've got zip, zero, zilch.

I'd say you have six months

before you and your grandchildren are homeless and starving.

Do you really need cable, high-speed Internet?

I see a lot of money on restaurants.

We don't go to restaurants.

That's granddad going out on dates and feeding bitches again.

You'll probably also need to cut electricity, water.

How many kidneys do you have, Mr. Freeman?

Do you have any friends who traffic in drugs?

Can you think of any way to make some quick money?

Mr. Freeman? Mr. Freeman?

Look at that.

Oh, how the high yellow shall be last,

and the last shall be high yellow.

Leave me alone, Ruckus. I'm working as fast as I can.

Ah, yeah, nigga.

Oh, this ain't nothing like the movie "Car Wash," is it, nigga?

Oh, no. Unh-unh. Unh-unh. Unh-unh.

Ain't no singing, no dancing, no Richard Pryor... nothing.

Oh, by the way, that lazy Mexican sumbitch chico canceled,

and I need you to stay till closing time.

But I had plans tonight.

Plans? Plans? Ain't no nigga make no plans!

Niggas just react to outside stimuli.

Now, I got some plans, too.

I plan to keep your black ass here.

Sumbitch!

You heard that man, granddad.

We don't have the finances to be feeding these bitches.

Everything's fine. It's not that bad.

It's just one dinner.

Huey! Granddad's taking bitches out to eat again!

I'm out of Nap-B-Gone!

I might still have time to run to the store.

No way, granddad.

We ain't got no money for wave gel.

You ain't got enough hair to worry about, noway.

Ahh. Pretty boy. Player.

Hey, cutie pie. Sorry for the late date.

My, uh, corner office was packed full of meetings.

Um, anyway, you all set for tonight?

Where you want to go, baby? Mr. Chin's?

That... I, uh, don't really like Chinese food.

Hey. Here's an idea.

Why don't we skip the fancy dinner and just do something... free?

You know, like watch a movie on basic cable,

pop some popcorn, make some ramen noodles!

Well, you see, to be honest, I'm a little short on cash.

Hello? Hello?

Whew. That was a close one.

What's for dinner?

It's just not fair.

Truth is your granddaddy has always had a hard time with women.

I'm not very fit. I'm not very funny.

I'm not particularly good at conversation.

Lord knows I'm not good in bed.

But I had money, and as long as I had money,

I could have a moderately satisfying sex life.

Ugh.

No more.

Well, did you try it?

We're gonna be rich.

Yeah, my hair's so silky smooth.

I like your hair.

It's like you kind of got that J. Lo thing going on...

you know, kind of like the white girls.

I like that. I like that. It's pretty hot.

I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.

I'm so happy for you, Robert!

This is gonna revolutionize the whole black-hair-care industry.

You're sitting on a gold mine.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

I always knew if I pretended to believe in you,

it would pay off someday.

So, what's the plan?

Yeah, how do we get paid?

Uh...

Now, now. There's a lot that has to be done

before you can bring something like this to market.

You need a business plan, lawyers, distribution.

How much more of this stuff do you have?

I'm not sure. I got it from huey.

Well, where did he get it from?

Hey, granddad. Have you seen that container of pink gel I was...

Hey, Huey. How much more of that wave cream do you have?

Granddad, you didn't.

This wave cream you made

is way more than just wave cream.

It grows hair overnight.

It does what?

It grows hair...

Long, straight, beautiful hair.

Granddad, that was a highly explosive compound for a bomb.

A bomb?!

But you told me it wasn't a bomb.

You specifically said it was not a bomb!

Boy, come here! Come here!

You want to make a bomb?

I'm gonna bomb your narrow ass with this belt.

You got to wash that out right now... all of you.

No! You'll never take my hair! No!

Mine, either!

Damn it, boy, why do you have to ruin everything?

What are you making bombs for?

To kill Ed Wuncler II and get our freedom back.

That's your plan?

You know, for a smart nigga, you come up with some dumb-ass plans.

Now, how much of that bomb wave cream do you have?

Hey, that should be the name... "Bomb wave cream."

Good idea.

Write it down before we forget.

Did you not hear me?

One spark, and heads could actually explode.

"Bomb wave cream...

an explosion of beautiful hair."

Ohh. I like that.

Granddad, you're gonna kill people.

We'll put a warning label on it...

"Warning, flammable."

Moral dilemma solved.

Solved, nigga.

Hey, stop!

Get off me! I need it! I need it!

Don't you see, Huey? This... this is our freedom.

I agreed to help granddad find a buyer

if he agreed to wash his hair.

This is Boss Willona,

proprietor of a black beauty salon we found on yelp.

Supposedly, she knew everything there was about black beauty products,

although I started to suspect her operation might not be completely legit.

This is a tough business.

Normally, I try to talk people out of it,

but you guys... you got something special, very special.

This isn't just hair relaxer.

This is art.

You niggas are some real artists.

We used your gel on the left half of Hot Chocolate's hair.

Bitches be hatin'.

This is better than white-bitch hair.

This is damn near virgin-Cambodian-bitch quality.

So, I can presume you're interested in placing an order, Ms. Willona?

Boss Willona.

Excuse me?

I'm a businesswoman, Mr. Freeman...

An African-American entrepreneur.

You don't think I've earned the right to be called "Boss"?

Huh? I mean, yes, of course.

You're the boss... Willona.

Whoa!

All right, all right, all ri-i-i-ght.

I'll take all of it... Whatever you got.

Boss Willona, could I advise my grandfather briefly?