Mr & Mrs Player (爛滾夫鬥爛滾妻)

Playing the field is the happiest thing to do in the world.

There is a saying, a player must possesses good health.

You're not a man if you ain't a player in your 20s.

You're dumb if you ain't a player in your 30s.

You must be broke if you ain't a player by 40.

God won't forgive you if you ain't a player in your 50s.

Just go to hell if you ain't a player in your 70s.

Honestly, what is so attractive about this lady here?

Pretty good at this time of the night. Considering how light her skin is.

Her skin is just way too light.

Let's go.

Hey!

Where else do you wanna go?

Nowhere else. You've picked up the hottest ones anyway.

We have to go.

I will sleep alone tonight.

Come on,

you wanna leave with such a hot lady here?

You bastard

We are in the public.

Your lost...

Let's have us some sex.

As you like.

Wonderful!

According to a medical research,

If a person performs something repeatedly

for over 21 days,

It becomes habit.

Being a player is my most important habit.

I am Carson. Being a player is the most important thing in my life.

So you ask, Carson, when did this habit begin?

Actually, I was a pervert since I was a baby.

What the hell, the baby just...

What happened?

May be he wants some milk?

No he was squeezing my tits...

As a kindergartener,

picking up became my regular homework.

Hey, babe! Wanna come to my pool party?

Sure.

I invited her to my place to play

before the chubby girl's mom returns home.

I just wanted to get her naked and take a bath together.

Take a look-see.

Who would have thought...

Oh my God, you have a cock?

I picked up the wrong Chubby today. Damn it.

When I entered high school, I fell in love...

You have to rip it off...

With my hands?

I'll do it, I have long nails.

To be precise, it was the unrequited kind of love.

At that time, I adored girls with pony tails.

Karen Ho was my goddess.

I will make Karen Ho my girlfriend one day.

What a coincidence!

Yeah.

Just got off school?

Yeah.

Actually, I want to...

Go out on a date with me.

Same here.

Thinking about you keeps me up at night.

When I think about you, my heart starts pounding...

Oh, me too!

I can't sleep when I think about you.

Do you think about me when you jerk off?

How do you know? I jerk it at least 3 times a day...

Why are you getting a chubby right now?

Thinking about it won't happen, you need to make it happen.

You are very right.

Oh, what a coincidence!

Hey, you are Carson?

You are...?

It's me!

Sweetie Pie, we use to take baths together.

I think about you every night.

No way.

My asshole gets itchy everytime I think about you.

Hey, I don't know him. Gee.

You ungrateful ass, I don't wanna talk to you any more.

You better check yo-self before you wreck yo-self!

Hey, let me explain.

Karen Ho...l am not gay. I love girls

I love...

I ended up in the hospital...

Both arms and legs broken in 18 places...

Luckily my cock was not harmed.

I think the reason I recovered so quickly is

because I haven't had a wank in days...

My porn dealer was right,

one drop of semen is worth three drops of blood.

With my new body, I can carry on my work as a pick-up artist.

Goodbye, Winnie. Thank you.

He has a really huge...

I don't believe you...

Karen Ho?

Is it really you?

Hey...

You go ahead. I can crawl up by myself.

Karen Ho is holding my hand...

That asshole...

He got you pregnant then disappeared on you.

I will kill his family then rape his mother!

Don't be rude.

I like polite and gentle guys.

Let me put it in a more polite way for you.

The man deserves a slow death...

He procreated with you and you conceived.

And now he is playing hide-and-seek with you.

I will wish his family a one way ticket to heaven.

Then I will have non-consensual intercourse with his mother.

Never mind, I chose wrong, I can't regret it now.

But I don't have the courage to do the operation.

Why?

My baby Daddy isn't here...

I feel...Humiliated!

What if I am willing to be your baby daddy?

Don't be afraid. You will be fine. Don't worry.

Thank you.

No problem.

Let me treat you to a movie after I recover.

Are you the baby's father?

That would be me!

Sign here please.

You are the baby's father?

You bet your sweet ass I am!

I am Karen Ho's father.

Uncle, it's not what you think!

Then what am I thinking?

Hey, Mister. Don't hit my cock.

Hit him only on his cock.

I thought I could handle it

but her dad finally broke it.

Luckily the doctor reattached it, it's now longer than before.

So in the hospital I stayed for three months. By the time I got discharged,

Karen's dad sent her for College in the states.

She never did watch that movie with me.

I would like to become a gynecologist.

Why?

Because every woman I meet

will open their legs voluntarily...

Shit, you just want to screw some hoes...

I would like to become a film director.

Why?

Because all men or women

will strip naked

whenever I want.

Shit, you just want to screw some hoes...

I would like to become the Chief Executive.

Why?

To serve Hong Kong.

But no one in Hong Kong will let you screw them.

They would end up group screw you instead.

That sounds whack! I don't wanna be Chief then.

After my buddies Jingo Wong and Thirteen Chan set me straight,

I gave up pursuing my career as the Chief Executive

A Chief Executive can lie,

someone always drops a dime.

But my job is safe.

A mediocre Feng Shui master will bleed you dry for 8 to 10 years.

That's right. I became a Chinese Feng Shui master.

My followers call me...Master Car.

My almighty, please empower me at once!

Maiden Yoyo Siu is possessed by a sick,

relentless demon.

I pray to all the Buddhas to cast out this demon!

So that I can finally shoot some semen...

Uncle, Auntie.

I advise you both go to the diner downstairs...

Because when I take control of your daughter's body

The 3 demons will come rushing out.

And bite your face off...

No, I am staying, for Yoyo.

I gave you a chance to leave...

You are gonna be sorry.

Get the hell out of here!

What did you just vomit?

Campbell's Cream of Corn...

Just take off those contact lenses. lam afraid of demons.

Why is the room shaking?

Yeah,

I got my earthquake subwoofers on.

Let's jack it up to Eleven on this bitch.

You sure are quick on your feet.

Otherwise, my parents would never let me out.

How will you reward my efforts?

I will you a blow job that took generations of Siu's families to perfect!

Those damn demons sure are sick...

Yoyo never go out at night.

How could this happen?

The demons sure are relentless. I hope Master Car is alright.

Can the Master handle it?

I can't handle it!

The entrance is not facing West,

facing a construction site.

This is a bad luck spot

Haunted...this place is horrible. Don't buy it.

Oh Master Car

Are you trying to cock-block me?