The Righteous Gemstones

I want to do things, too.

Why does Daddy always overlook me?

Ni hao, Daddy. That means "hello" in Chinese.

I studied so much, even though

I wasn't allowed to go with y'all.

That's wonderful, baby doll.

That operation you're building there, that prayer center.

We're scared you're gonna run us out of own hometown.

I'm Aimee-Leigh's little brother.

As children, we had a singing duo.

My sister's gone, you over here drownin'.

You're trying to cash in on her name every chance you get

and were nowhere to be found when she needed you most.

It's our daughter.

Kelvin here specializes in youth ministry.

What time's youth group Wednesday night?

It's my parents.

All right, buckle up, bitch.

What in the Good Lord is going on?

Nothing. Them just some fellas I play car pranks with.

Oh, really? Does Dad even know about this?

Uh-uh. Doesn't matter if it scrapes

the side of the house... just pull it in.

- No! - I don't think

you're appreciative of what I've done here.

Why does it have to be my house?

- It should be in your house. - You found 'em?

Yeah, you bet your ass I found 'em!

- Stop. - I chased those motherfuckers

down and captured their vehicle.

This is my van now!

Aah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Why'd you do that?

- Let's murder it! - What's...

Oh! Judy!

Put that down. You're being reckless.

Almost sent a shard almost right in my eye.

Hey, y'all.

What's going on?

Keefe.

Sickening.

That shirt is not as long as you think it is, bud.

Ah, cool mushroom tip.

Just... just go back inside, buddy.

Very sorry about that.

Well, we tried to give y'all everything you needed.

we don't have a smoke machine

or a fancy sound system.

Don't have a climbing wall for the youth

or preachers who seem to think

they're some sort of famous movie stars.

My wife and I will continue

to hold prayer meetings every Wednesday night at our house.

And, uh...

we will find a space that is more suitable...

to our numbers.

Oh, God help me! Jesus, please!

Amen.

I'm sorry about how all this has turned out.

Maybe you could take comfort

knowing that this is all, somehow, part of His plan.

Wish I understood that plan.

He's gonna have some purpose

for bringing them Gemstones here.

Oh, boy.

I can't possibly imagine.

Hoo-hoo! Look at that shot.

Just like the one I gave Johnny Seasons...

took all them fools down.

Took 'em downtown.

Well, results come easy when you love what you do.

So true; if you love your job, it doesn't feel like work.

Aw. BJ made that up. He's really good at sayings.

I don't know much about you, BJ.

Eli never really brings you up much.

Well, that's 'cause BJ and Daddy

are still kinda forming their friendship.

I look forward to growing closer to you

over the years, Dr. Gemstone.

In an organic way, of course.

Great.

Well, how you make your money, BJ?

Uh, I work at Low Country Optical.

Thought you worked at the grocery store.

No, Daddy.

He doesn't work at the grocery store.

He works in the grocery store.

Well, what about you, Judy?

What's your Daddy got you doing these days?

I'm just, uh, working with Martin.

With Martin? What, doin' secretary shit?

She helps in the entire organization.

Yeah, but she's a Gemstone.

Seems strange to me she's not front and center

like everybody else.

I don't know, maybe that's just me talkin', now.

No, that's not just you talkin'.

I've been wondering about it.

Been hearing a lotta other people wondering about it.

Tons of people talkin' about it, and...

Less chitchat, more play.

That was a beautiful shot, Tiff.

Hey, come here.

- What? - You and I?

We deserve a lot more than we get.

Now, we both have gifts

that we are more than willing to share.

Yet for some reason,

somebody's always standing in the way.

You got a church. You get more than I get.

Yeah, Judy, I got a church.

But when you got star talent like this right here,

a little Jesus house in the middle of Shit Town

don't seem so hot.

That was a great shot!

That was a beautiful shot.

There's plenty of qualities that your mama had

I see plain as day in you.

- Like what? - I see your hair,

your face.

I mean, it's all... I mean, it's similar.

It's different, but it's similar.

And beautiful, like her.

You got a lotta good things.

- Mm-hmm. - Lot of 'em, lotta things.

Seems a sin to let all that talent go to waste.

Tell my daddy that all the time.

But he don't listen, does he?

- Mm-mm. - Let me tell you something.

Ol' Baby Billy's listenin'.

Why don't you come by the prayer center tomorrow?

I'd like to talk to you more about this, now.

Come on, tryin' to figure out that one.

Well, are we gonna talk about what's going on

with that red van?

What?

Come on, you're being silly now.

This ain't one of your podcasts.

This ain't "Serial." It's not some Lifetime movie.

Don't get all wrapped up and try to solve the mystery.

- There's no mystery. - But baby,

you were in a high-speed chase last night,

and now that van is parked over there in Kelvin's garage.

I mean, in what part of the world

- is that normal? - Well, I told you,

we do elaborate pranks.

I mean, like George Clooney and the Impractical Jokers.

We go big. I mean, come on.

H... how is that even a prank?

Th... just, like, a van flippin' over?

Yeah, that just... seems dangerous.

Look, I didn't pull off that prank.

That was a prank they were doin'.

I mean, obviously, that wasn't really that good of a prank.

The counter-prank is gonna be where the big laughs are.

Maybe I'll put shaving cream inside that van.

Put a bunch of Chinese food...

Szechuan, fuckin' wontons all inside that van,

maybe cram some crickets

- in the glove box. - Mm.

That'd be funny, right?

Yeah, I guess so.

- Morning, baby. - Morning.

What's with them glasses?

Oh, cool guys wear 'em. Haven't you heard?

Lemme see your beautiful face.

- I'm kinda in a hurry. - Gideon,

- take them glasses off. - Mom, I can't, I gotta go.

Glasses off now.

Go on, take 'em off, Michael Jackson.

Oh, sweet Lord.

Baby, what did you do to your face?

I just wiped out on my dirt bike.

I didn't wanna tell ya. I knew you'd freak out.

No, baby, you need to go to a doctor.

- No. - We... yes.

No doctors. It's all good, I feel good.

I'm gonna be late for work. I love you, okay?

I love you.

Well, I guess that's the one good thing

about him being a stuntman... knows how to take a hit.

Keefe ran the tags... stolen from a Chevy Camaro.

He got fired 'cause of it.

Eh, DMV's a shitty job anyway.

Damn, with the VIN number scratched off,

there's not gonna be any way in hell

we can figure out who this van belongs to.

So sickening to think about somebody living in here...

making coffee, clipping toenails.

When'd you get a fried chicken and soda machine?

The Nancy's gave it to me as a gift

for turning their daughter's life around.

It's awesome. It makes like... like every soda.

Pffft. What a stupid present.

No, it's not.

Regular people can't even buy this.

You gotta, like, own a restaurant to have one.

God, don't be all cocky about it.

You have had a big fuckin' head lately.