Psycho Wedding Crasher

I still feel like I'm spilling out of here.

Are you kidding me?

You haven't gained an ounce since college.

It's perfect.

Yeah, until my boob pops out in the middle of my vows.

My mom is gonna have a stroke!

This is your day, not hers.

And you look amazing.

Glenn is gonna be blown away.

I'm just glad you decided to give him up.

Give him up?

We had two dates, ten years ago.

It was hardly an investment.

But I did know that the two of you would click.

Thank you.

It's happening!

Another?

No man, one is for nerves.

Two and I'll be slurring my vows.

Better you than me.

But if I ever decided to get hitched,

it'd be someone like Marci...

They would never have you.

They have taste.

Maybe Chelsea?

Come on man, you've been after her since college.

Just give it up already.

I just want to be in position

for when she makes her next mistake.

Atta boy.

Please be seated.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to celebrate the union of Glenn and Marci.

With this ring, I thee wed.

With this ring, I thee wed.

With this ring, I thee wed.

Do you promise to cherish and love him in joy and in sorrow,

in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?

I do.

I do.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Hey.

Hi!

I'm getting tons of compliments on the dress and the earrings.

I told you it looked great on you.

And I got one last gift for you.

Chelsea!

It's in the hotel room.

I know you'd think it's excessive to buy for yourself,

so I got you some lingerie from Cordella.

Does it come with instructions?

Stop it, you're gonna love them.

He will love them.

Now, can I get you something to drink?

Just a water.

Thank you.

Hi mom.

I just wanted to let you know I am really glad you're here.

It means a lot to Glenn and I.

I've come here for you.

I genuinely wish you happiness.

I should let you get back to your guests.

Thanks again for coming.

Auntie, are you there?

Auntie, is everything okay?

Auntie?

Sometimes I'm very, very grateful that I have you.

Me too.

And that I was there to take you in all those years ago,

because it was my brother's dying wish to take you away

from that horrible woman he married.

But apparently that wasn't enough

to make you care about me or him,

the way you always leave whenever the hell you want to,

never doing your work!

I was running an errand and I got, umm,

caught in traffic...

An errand? What errand?

I had to get some fabric from the garment district.

Did I send you there?

Did I tell you to get fabrics?

No, it's for me.

I'm making myself a dress.

A dress, what for?

Who are you trying to impress?

I hope you're not acting up again.

I'm not.

You always lie, so why am I wasting my time?

Just finish the alterations.

Go!

Yes, Auntie.

And be back before the five o'clock fitting!

I will!

Whoa!

You okay?

You saved me.

Let's not give me too much credit.

Thank you.

Is this the Kravitz house?

I gotta drop these off, so...

Yeah...

Yeah, okay.

Stay safe.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hey, it's Marci, right?

I'm so sorry, I'm drawing a blank?

It's Jenna.

I work for Aunt Daisy.

Your wedding dress.

My gosh, yes!

Yes, of course.

If you could've seen how many compliments I got on the day.

Thank you.

It was our pleasure, of course.

Um, so how did the wedding go?

Umm, it was great.

Yeah, I don't know where to begin.

It was good!

How's Glenn?

That's his name, right?

Yeah.

He's fine, he's good.

Good.

Honestly, before him I never imagined myself as a bride.

I had kind of given up on the whole

traditional marriage thing, you know what I mean?

Not really.

I've always imagined I'd meet the perfect man and,

you know, have a dream wedding.

But I don't get the chance to meet many single guys,

especially in my profession.

Well if you can break away from your schedule,

my friend Chelsea - my maid of honor -

is throwing Glenn and I a little honeymoon luau.

There will be lots of single guys there!

I could introduce you!

Yeah!

You scared me.

The only reason a woman exercises

is she's trying to get over a man, or land one.

And we definitely know it's not the former.

So, what's the story?

I'm just, just trying to stay healthy.

We sit hunched over at our desks all day

and the last thing I want is...

...is to become like me.

I didn't say that.

Yeah.

You think you can just find a man

and get me out of your life

and take this house away from me, huh?

You'll always be in my life.

I bet you're counting the days until I'm not,

but guess what missy?

My genes, all the women on your father's side

always live to be octogenarians, okay?

Well then, I should be thankful.

Except you're too much like your mother,

too confused in your head, so I wouldn't count on it.

Face it, nobody would ever put up with you.

Especially a man.

The only thing that you can count on is your work.

So change your clothes and get back to it.

So I was at the gym today

and I ran into the girl who helped make my wedding dress.

I thought you said she was kind of old.

No, not Mrs. Kravitz,

her niece who works with her, Jenna.

She's about our age.

She's really nice, so I invited her to the party on Saturday.

Cool.

She's kind of shy, so I thought about introducing her to Scott.

- Really? Yeah.

You know, someone like him might help her break out of her shell.

You're just asking for trouble if you want my humble opinion.

Speaking of which, did your mom make it home okay?

Yeah.

Did she say anything?

About your dad not showing up?

Nope...

Hey, it's his loss.

Yeah, his loss...

You know maybe if I had just forgiven him for cheating

and gotten my mom to follow suit, but...

but he just devastated her.

We are not your parents.

I love you.

I love you too.

Face it, nobody would ever put up with you!

Especially a man.

You're too much like your mother,

you're too confused in your head.

You being you...

You can't get me out of your life!

Why thank you, Glenn.

It's good to see you again as well.

Just a few more curls...

and then we're perfect.

Yes, that's right...