Mom

Why isn't that lamp on?

I made that shade for you three sessions ago

and you've never turned it on.

The chemical smell coming off it

led me to do some research on papier-mâché.

The word "flammable" kept coming up.

Flammable, inflammable.

I can never get it straight. Which one are kid's pajamas?

The point is, thin smelly paper and heat

are not two things I want to put together.

Look, I have a spare room.

I've got to do something productive with it.

Doesn't have to be papier-mâché.

It could be something more game-changing,

like, I don't know, driftwood furniture.

I like it. Repurposing.

When Christy was little, "repurposing"

was just a fancy word for survival.

You find a TV set on the side of the road,

you break out the glassand turn it into puppet theater.

Inventive.

Until it gets stolen, then you're stuck

with two potatoes that have wigs.

Uh, by the way, how's Christy doing?

She's great. Did you know how big driftwood furniture was

in the '60s?

I think it's time for a comeback,

like civil disobedience and feathered hair.

You have no idea how great I looked with feathered hair.

I have another client whose daughter went away to college.

It's a big life change.

It's hard to concentrate on what you're saying,

what with it being so dark in here.

Fine, I'll turn it on.

Huh.

Maybe I was wrong.

Really gives the room a nice, warm glow.

Oh!

Say what you will, but that was frickin' cool.

*MOM* Season 08 Episode 08

Episode Title: "Bloody Stumps and a Chemical Smell"

Aired on: February 18, 2021

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Ooh.

How many dating sites are you on?

All of them, including Farmers Only.

I can get a whole lot of house in Iowa.

You have a whole lot of house here.

Yeah, but it doesn't have a sexy farmer in it.

I don't know. I havea bone to pick with farmers.

Why should the whole worldhave to change their clocks

twice a year just because theydon't want to work in the dark?

Bring a flashlight.

Jill, I think it's great you're trying to be proactive,

but you and Andy just broke up.

It's okay to be sad.

Nope. I'm skipping over the "sweatpants,

"pint of ice cream, head under the water in the tub

a little too long" stage.

Hey, what about that guy Davewho shared at the meeting today?

Dave is two days sober. He's still got more meth

in his system than a rodeo clown.

Yeah, what I'm hearing is he can stay up all night

and has laser focus.

Geez Louise, has it been 20 minutes already?

We need to feed the parking meter.

You know, if you put more than 25 cents in at a time, you...

Don't start with me, Tammy.

Here, we should usethese nickels.

I'm going to the ladies'.

Oh, my God, she drives me insane.

I picked up on the whole"we" means "you" thing.

You don't even know the half of it.

I mean, you guys get to seewise, patient Marjorie.

I live with her. I see Marjorie raw and uncut.

She lashes out if things aren't done her way.

She hovers around me going, "No, no, no. No, no, no."

All I can think of is what those "No, no, no's" would sound like

under a pillow.

: No, no, no. That's not how you smother.

No...

Why don't you just stand your ground?

'Cause I'm more comfortable seething with resentment.

On my way, boss. I hate my life.

So I'm thinking I put my driftwood bin here,

my table saw here.

Oh, by the way, we're gonna needto go to the beach this weekend.

No place my wheelchair loves more than the beach.

So you're locked in on driftwood?

I just said I had a driftwood bin.

Yes, I'm locked in on it.

God, see, this is what it was like for the masters.

Michelangelo's husband sat there eating a grape going,

: "I don't get it, why paint on the ceilings?"

Little hard to keep up.

Yesterday you were looking at kilns.

This conversation is over.

How do you stay so cool?

'Cause I know it's not about me.

She's yelling at you. Isn't that about you?

I used to think that, and then I saw her yelling

at a hat blowing down the street.

Was it a fedora? Because a lot of us were lied to

about how fashionable those were.

I'm angry, too.

No, the point is it's not personal.

I just wish I could be that zen with Marjorie.

She's never satisfied no matter how hard I try.

She has 24 different sighs to convey disappointment.

She can even close the fridge in a way that says,

"You've let me down."

You know, all those sentences started with "she."

Because she's the problem.

: Hey, I get it. It took me a long time

to learn how to live with Bonnie.

But I started going to Al-Anon meetings

and that really helped me with this whole

"living with a lunatic" stuff.

I don't think I'm allowed to go to those meetings

because I'm an alcoholic.

Oh, we have plenty of alcoholics there.

We call you double winners.

- Double winners? - Yeah.

I like it already.

No offense,

but I think this wood drifted out to sea for a reason.

You know, if you're gonna complain,

I'm not gonna make you one for Christmas.

Hey, how you doing?

: You see her, too, right?

Oh, uh, wow. Look at that.

Gorgeous, right?

It certainly is a unique shape.

It's like someone spilled something

and that spill hardened into a table.

Are you bringing it just to show me?

Well, it's not going back in my car.

Oh, hi. It's Jill, right?

Aren't you sweet to remember?

- How have you been? - Getting heavy.

Oh, uh, let me help you with that.

Well, would you look at that?

Chivalry is not dead.

No, but something in this table sure smells like it is.

That could be a sand crab.

I probably should've let the wood dry out.

Where do you want it? Here? Good.

This is lovely.

Big upgrade since the last time I was here.

Oh, yeah, no lawn chairs, it's not dark

and there's a plant in the corner instead of me weeping.

Oh, hush that fuss.

It's nice to see a man's sensitive side.

Okay, Scarlett.

Cutting in on my healing time.

Yeah, I should get going back to my big old lonely house.

Uh, let me show you to the door.

It's the door-shaped hole with the door attached to it

right behind me.

That room is just brimming with potential,

but Adam doesn't see it.

He's just not capable of supporting my dreams.

Well, your dreams have been quite the moving target.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, let me see.

Um, I don't have them all, but, uh, florist.

Cobbler.

Cartoon voice-over actor.

Mayor.

Excuse me, y-you've been writing down what I say?

Yeah. What do you think I've been doing?

Grocery list, drawing penises. I don't know.

How about we step back and examine

your recent entrepreneurial impulses?

And where they come from.

You mean like you stepped back to ogle my friend Jill?

What?

Oh, come on, I saw you.

You practically stepped on your tongue.

That is ridiculous.

If you say so.

: Oh, I am, I'm freshly dating.

I'm not ready for divorce.

I-I mean... You know what I mean.

Wow, it's like watching a coming-of-age movie.

Can we please get back to you and your creative pursuits?

Maybe I could photograph babies.

Every phone call with my mom used to be a boxing match.

So I set a boundary.

I talk to her until I hear the ice in her glass,

then I say, "Bye, Mom, I love you."

Detach with love.

I don't go to bed angry, and with all my new free time,

I learned to play the guitar.

"Detach with love." Did she just make that up?

No, no, that's a big one around here.

Wow, it's so weird to hear this side of it.

I mean, technically, I have heard this side of it,

but I wasn't exactly sober at my intervention.

Would anyone else like to share?