Call the Midwife

'The people who were reclaiming their city

'from the bombs of an old war, there was now a drive to cleanse,

'a desire to build anew

'and a need to forge a world

'that was worthy of its citizens.'

A gentleman's convenience ain't what you'd call handsome,

but it's places like these

that will become our temporary centre of command in a nuclear attack.

They will withstand the heat, blast and fallout of the H bomb.

They are slap bang in the middle of where people need us

and it's from here that we will organise

the distribution of provisions such as tinned food, drinks and the like.

They putting supplies in for babies? Milk powder and that?

Don't worry, Tony. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

SCREAMING

You've got more to worry about than rats, old son.

Give me that stick, Fred.

~ THUD, SQUEAK ~ Filthy little things.

Spreading disease.

Fred has put down rat poison for a reason.

Poplar is in the middle of an infestation.

As a herbivore, you cannot condone this cull.

The rat is a vehicle for disease.

Poison the rat and through clouds of time and space, you poison man.

We are all essentially the rat.

Speak for yourself.

I've had enough of hearing about the wretched things.

It's quite ghastly.

The rats concur.

So he says to me, "Arthur, I dunno what's up with me windscreen,

"it don't matter how much I cleans it, it's like a fog."

So I says, "Don't worry about your windscreen.

"It's your specs want cleaning."

What a chump.

He'll be back every week now to get his specs washed.

~ The last of the beef. ~ Where's mine then?

You get spoiled enough, Dad. Don't pretend different.

How do you stay so clean in here?

He don't do nothing, that's how.

We don't all need to make a song and dance of an oil change.

I am a model professional.

I like him clean and tidy, Dad, so don't go upsetting me now.

Not in my condition.

Thought I might find you here, Mrs Amos.

If you don't mind, gentlemen, charming as your garage is,

it's not quite the environment we recommend for our mothers-to-be.

Can't stay away, can I?

How are you getting on, Mrs Amos?

~ Morning, Nurse Crane. ~ Baby at the surgery?

Thank you for coming.

I was called out to see George Sitwell last night.

He was in an appalling state, delirious, high fever,

dehydrated from diarrhoea, which was bloody and full of pus.

Dysentery.

That's nine cases in two days.

Campaign Fever's what my father called it.

Said it wiped out whole battalions.

You've quarantined him, Dr Turner?

Of course you have. Spreads like margarine.

Which is why he's quarantined.

Sooner we spot it, sooner we contain it.

I'll notify the Ministry of Health of each case.

Perhaps you'd furnish me with their telephone number?

Nurse Crane, I simply wish you

and all at Nonnatus to be extra vigilant.

Home visits, clinic - we can't risk ignoring

what might seem a simple case of diarrhoea.

We don't have the resources to cope with an epidemic.

Weekly visits now. We're getting rather close.

And I come bearing gifts. Delivery pack.

Needs to be kept somewhere spotlessly clean and close at hand.

The parlour then, Tony's pride and joy.

Tony bought it last week.

He says it made him feel sad,

the way she looks down like she don't really want to be there.

But the painter, well, he's sort of making her be there,

on account of how she's so beautiful.

Imagine seeing all that in a picture.

Pop it here, Nurse.

I don't know what he's on about half the time.

But he loves this room to be just so. Most chaps wouldn't care.

Who plays?

Tony'll take lessons, when the garage's making enough.

"A piano's the mark of a gentleman," that's what he says.

Well, do I need bed rest and waiting on hand, foot and finger?

Achingly normal, I'm afraid.

Gently now, lads.

More Paddies. Getting like lice.

Ladies, if I might have your attention.

We have an outbreak of dysentery in Poplar.

SHOCKED MURMURS

Don't be alarmed. We can stop its spread with very simple hygiene.

Washing our hands.

Are you saying we don't wash? Cheek.

Mrs Turner is suggesting you don't know your enemy.

Poor hygiene and cramped conditions, both of which aid its spread.

Taking carbolic soap and hot water, we soap up beyond the wrists.

Nails are ideally short and neat.

No nail brushes. Bacteria do so enjoy a damp, dense home.

I don't wish to hold you up.

It's all right. I've a good few minutes yet.

Then perhaps you'd distribute the soap?

We have several bars of soap here from our own supply.

Not enough for everyone, I'm afraid, only for those most in need.

It's them meths drinkers.

Hot weather brings 'em out, the horrible lot.

Thank you, but we're not in need.

I know, I know, neither a nurse or an expectant mother.

Or an infant.

I've just had a telephone call from the rector.

His wife had a fall last week. She's broken her ankle.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

With rest it should heal, usually about eight weeks.

Mrs Hibbert was in charge of the Rose Queen.

Now she's out of action, the rector wants me to take charge.

Quite apart from the fact I don't have a clue about this sort of thing,

it's in two weeks.

He even suggested I involve you, as my fiance.

I... I told him how busy you are...

Organising the Rose Queen?

Exactly. I'll tell him it's out of the question.

You'll do no such thing. It's been part of Poplar for generations.

I'm going to be your wife, Tom, I want to support you.

And, quite frankly, it'll make a glorious change from giving enemas.

Shoes off and up onto the bed.

I won't be stopping, Nurse. Sure I'm only here about the hospital.

I'd like to have him there, please God.

We can discuss it all at your home visit.

You're in Menston Street, aren't you?

If you'd raise your dress up, Mrs McEvoy.

The examination.

You appear to have become the prey of fleas, Mrs McEvoy.

The lads took on a kitten.

Try not to scratch.

If I had one wish, it'd be she was around to see her grandchild born.

When I look at you and Marie, I see Maureen and me 30 years ago.

Keep it simple, son, life don't get any better.

You'll do all right, you know. Fatherhood.

Don't think I don't know what's going on up there.

It don't come natural to any man.

Maureen said I held Marie like she was the crown jewels.

But sometimes I dunno what comes natural.

It's like I have to pinch myself, you know,

say "This is my house. This is my... life."

It's like I'm one of them Little Green Men.

And nothing outside the flying saucer makes any sense.

There. See? Thinking too much.

Keep it simple.

There does seem to be rather a lot left to do.

It appears that Mrs Hibbert was rather more focused

on note making for the Rose Queen.

"The dresses and capes have been under attack from moths,

"but from a distance in a poor light are passable."

Not to me, Mrs Hibbert.

In Pagan times the Rose Queen was put to death.

Anti-Pagan sentiment, of course.

Nurse Franklin, your shoe receptacle has gone to a most worthy cause.

Board and lodgings, for those rats surviving this extermination.

Now, this year's Rose Queen is...

Joan Musson, and she'll be crowned by last year's queen who was,

Marie Amos.

Oh, there's going to be a little more Rose Queen than I'd imagined.

~ Oh, lads. ~ Dad, Dad!

Good to see you.

Did you miss your dad as much as I've missed you?

Don't be getting them dirty now.

~ You not having any? ~ Sure I'm grand. I had some earlier.

There'll be more at the end of the week.

I can't hold on, Dan. I can't.

Don't be saying that now.

It's too much. I want us under the same roof.

I feel so alone in that place. They treat us like animals

and I'm starting to believe I'm no better than one.

I promise you, soon.

When? When?

I'm doing everything I can.

Put your trust in the Sacred Heart.

I put my trust in you.

ZIP

WHISTLE

No. For Christ's sake, look, look...

I'm married. I've got a baby on the way.

~ I'm arresting you for... ~ It was a mistake, all right?

I've got a... I've got a wife!

~ Please, don't do this. Please! ~ I'm arresting you for Gross Indecency.

Oh, God.

The dress is going to have to be rather forgiving,

~ but I think we'll manage. ~ KNOCKING

I'll get it. I should be going anyway.

Thanks, Nurse.

'Hello.

'Trixie. I wasn't expecting to see you.

'I'm here to see Mrs Amos. Her husband's been arrested.'

Mrs Amos, please sit down. Sergeant Noakes needs to speak to you.

Police?

Try not to worry, Mrs Amos.

I'm here about your husband.

Oh, God, he ain't hurt? Tell me he ain't hurt.

He's been... He's been arrested.

We found your husband in a...