The Grounds

Get up, come on.

Come on, go.

Get out of here.

Get out of here!

Hey you!

Yo!

Calvin?

- Mark. - Holy shit, man.

How are ya?

I'm good, I'm good. What are you doing back here?

- I needed to get online. -

This is closer than the library.

- Nice. - Yeah.

Man, you're still working here, huh?

Yeah, yeah, you know.

I mean, what have you been up to, man?

Ah, you know, I've just been,

I was working at this golf course

and then, you know, they found out I was living there, so.

Damn.

Dude, you haven't changed a bit, man.

Well, why would I want to?

- I don't know. - What are you doing?

Let's go, uh... Let's go grab a drink.

Ah, no, no, I can't, man.

Oh, you got plans?

No, I just, I quit drinking.

It's like two year now clean and sober.

No fucking way.

Yeah, it's the truth.

Well, you know, to each his own, I guess.

Well, you know, I feel good

but I still smoke though, man.

You want to go have a smoke?

I always got time for a smoke.

Yeah, I got coffee brewing in the back.

I can smoke some pot, too.

Hi.

I'm calling in regards to the grounds keeping job.

My name is Calvin.

Any fucking longer.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Calvin. - I'm Julie.

Nice to meet you.

This is quite the place you have here.

Oh, well, thank you.

It's not my house, though. I just work here.

We can just go this way.

Alright.

Calvin.

What experience do you have as a grounds keeper?

Uh, I've worked at a lot of different places,

like country clubs, golf courses, um, schools.

Okay, great.

And where did you work last?

Golf course.

Golf course. Alright.

And what was your reason for leaving?

Sexual harassment.

Yeah.

My boss was a real pervert.

Mm.

Do you have a résumé?

No. Short answer is now. I... not on me.

Uh, look, this is...

this is what I do, this is my thing.

Um, you know, I have all the work experience,

work ethic that you're looking for,

and if you give me a chance to prove it,

I promise you, you're not gonna be disappointed.

It ain't over yet.

Yo!

- Uh, hey. - Hi.

You, uh... You here for the grounds keeping job?

Oh, yes, sir, I am.

Well, I'm Calvin.

And, uh, this is... this is my place.

It's beautiful, man.

It's all right.

Have you, uh, ever done any grounds keeping work before?

Oh, uh...

That's the résumé. Yeah, pretty basic stuff.

Take off your shirt, please.

What? What, like...

Don't make it weird.

Okay, yeah, right.

I wouldn't want to make it weird.

So you've grown weed before, right?

- Excuse me? -

The sticky icky, Maui Wowie, the boota.

The good green, the hashish.

The marijuana. Got it?

That's what I need you to grow. I made you a list.

- You got the job. - I got...

You got it.

That's... yeah!

Unh-unh, unh-unh, unh-unh, no man.

I don't feel comfortable with this.

Just don't tell anybody about it.

I'm a free spirit.

I like to live free.

I really like to let it all hang out, you know?

Run.

Run! Get out of here!

Get out! Get out! Get out of here!

Okay, so you will be staying here in the pool house.

The kitchen is just over there.

The laundry is through that door.

And the bathroom is round the corner to the left.

I was surprised to get your call.

Well, none of the other applicants

bothered to show up, so.

That's odd. What's up with the sheets?

The owner, Jack, bought this place furnished,

and I don't think he's ever bothered to come down here.

In your ad you said, "Various jobs."

What did you mean by that?

Well, Jack doesn't really like to deal with people

so you'll make sure that anyone else

who comes on to the property does their job

without bothering him.

Oh.

Is Jack here? Can I meet him?

Yeah, Jack... Jack's here. He never leaves.

What do you mean by that? He never leaves?

Well, I've never seen him leave

since I started working here.

That's weird.

Yep.

This is the kitchen.

You're welcome to help yourself to most of the food in here,

just don't touch the gummy bears.

Gummy bears?

Jack survives on coffee and gummy bears.

Is he 5 years old?

He just likes them.

Obviously.

You know, Jack caught the last grounds keeper

touching his gummy bears, and he fired him on the spot.

Sorry, ma'am, for gummy bears.

Mm-hmm.

Just stay out of his way, and you'll be fine.

This is Jack's car,

but you can use it to run errands if needed.

And all the tools that you need are in the shed

at the bottom of the hill.

Any questions?

Do you live here, too?

No, I don't.

Anything else?

Are you single?

Look, this is a good gig.

Just keep the grounds in order and don't talk to Jack.

Cool. Is there any way I can get an advance on my pay?

Shit.

Like a freaking ninja.

I didn't see you over there.