PariWar

Allahabad alias Prayagraj.

This region has produced seven prime ministers,

an "angry young man"

and two more great men.

The honourable Kashiram Narayan

and myself...

Babloo.

Kashiram Narayan is a sexy, solo-traveller type of man.

But he doesn't travel and is not sexy at all.

He's solo though.

Alone.

He misses his children a lot.

And ever since we got a Wi-Fi connection at home,

he either listens to the radio all day

or pokes his children online.

To America-settled Guddan,

he keeps giving patriotic reasons to return home.

And he keeps inviting his eldest son, Badke, from Banaras

to come over and share schemes to invest money in various ways.

And his other son, Chotke,

a renowned corporate slave in Mumbai,

gets invited to come over for jackfruits.

Babloo.

Why is the radio turned off?

You were listening to...

Although I'm like a son to him,

he has given me the post of a servant.

Babloo!

Call up Badke.

Badke and Chotke

might answer a call from the loan sharks,

but answering their father's...

hell no!

One!

Two!

-Hello? -Three!

Yes, please send the fees with your child.

What do you mean "he's gone to play cards"?

Mohini, why should I come to your house to collect my fees?

-You don't understand! -Boys, scoot!

Dad just keeps calling from different numbers.

Hello?

I heard you filed a police complaint against the developer?

Hello, who is speaking?

You dimwit, don't you have Truecaller installed?

I'll explain in simple terms.

Both funds and farts,

once let out, never come back.

That's why I'm telling you politely to withdraw the complaint.

Or I'll send the boys over

to shove a hookah up your ass

till there's smoke billowing from your mouth.

-But-- -Hey!

Bring me a hookah!

Hello...

What's Dad saying?

It wasn't Dad.

Mummy, he cheats a lot!

-He's lying. -No...

Why are you shouting? What is it?

Mummy, tell me, what is 5-3+2+2?

Tell him, Dabbu.

What is 5-3+2+2?

Speak up!

Mummy, I'm hungry. Can we eat ice cream?

Great idea.

Let's eat ice cream. Order for it.

-We'll eat together-- -Sure, I'll order it.

Do you think you married a goddess with ten hands?

What do I do? Prepare the curry or run errands?

Teach him math or conduct tuition classes?

You just roam about like a prince.

Don't do any work.

Move aside.

Oh, my...

Mummy works very hard, Dad.

Dad, you don't do anything.

You'll get a tight slap from me.

Scoot! Go on!

I don't care.

We have a deal. You've signed on it.

-But I-- -Look...

if we want to maintain this relationship,

then such shady negotiation tactics won't work, okay?

I didn't say any such thing, man!

You did, and I know that you always say such things.

Don't waste my time, man!

Here, take some free coriander and go away.

Now you've learnt your lesson. Don't you dare negotiate with me.

I'm upper management.

Hello, boss. Job's done.

Don't worry. I'll drop it home.

What curry do we make today?

Yesterday, we did red lentils.

Boss, reminder!

Your brother-in-law is visiting today,

and he loves red lentils.

No, don't worry, sir.

I've already booked his return tickets. Yes, sir.

The children aren't visiting anytime soon.

So, Dad is either humming tunes all day

or racking his brains

to come up with new plans to make his children visit him.

Babloo!

Where's the cardiac ward? Where's the emergency ward?

Later. Where did you buy the bananas?

How many times have I told you

to wash your hands after chopping garlic?

I'm dying of stress and you're bothered about the smell of garlic.

Mr. Kashiram, nothing serious. It was just gas.

Oh, Doctor,

Babloo must have fed me something rotten.

I'm looking to replace him.

Let me know if you have any references.

All right, I'll prescribe a few things.

Please get it from the market.

-A helper? -No, the medicines.

And then I'll send you home. You'll be discharged.

No, Doctor. Don't discharge me so early.

Let me stay for a few days.

If I stay here,

the hospital environment will help me stay strong.

Why are you adding to your expenses?

Don't worry about the money, Doctor.

I'm thinking about you, about the hospital.

If I die, the hospital's and your reputation will be tainted.

If I die, the cops will take you away

and there will be debates on the news.

"Doctor or murderer! Doctor or murderer!"

All right, you can stay here.

Please order these medicines.

Keep it aside and quickly take my selfie.

-Selfie? -Yes.

Forget it, sir.

I heard a wonderful new story.

-Wanna hear? -Yes.

There was once a cowherd in a village.

One day the cowherd said,

"There's wolf! There's wolf!"

I've heard this story, and I know the moral of it too.

What's your point?

Sir, the point is

you keep making your children come over

by pretending to be on your deathbed,

but you don't die even once.

Are you waiting for me to die?

Not at all, sir! May your enemies die, not you.

But the day you actually have to go to heaven,

I'm telling you, nobody will come to you then.

Why won't they? Guddan will come.

Both my sons will come.

My Shishupal and Mahipal will come.

They definitely will.

Why are you acting like a damsel in distress, sir?

Does it feel good?

Even if they all come down,

you know that the brothers won't lift your coffin together.

If the elder one lifts it, the younger one won't touch it.

And if the younger one lifts it, the elder one will just walk away.

I'll have to lift your coffin alone like some sort of Superman.

-It'll look ridiculous. Very bad. -Are you their father or am I?

I know them. They'll come down and do everything as per custom.

Click a good selfie of mine quickly.

All these machines should be visible.

You make me do ridiculous things, sir.

One from here; take a video from this side.

And one with a cloth on my face.

There's not enough memory.

You expect the features of an iPhone in a Rs. 2,000 phone.

Stay put.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Can't I meet my girlfriend?

Yeah, you can. You seem happy.

How did it go?

I met Ben. I've explained about our start-up idea.

-Okay. -And guess what?

-What? -He's ready to fund it.

The whole thing?

No way!

That's awesome!

I'm so proud of you.

But...

-But? There's a "but"? -Yeah.

He wants to meet you tomorrow to take things forward.

Yeah, okay, I'll meet him.

I'm your business partner, I want to meet him.

Perfect.

I'll tell him tomorrow at 8:30 for dinner?

-At The Plaza? -Okay.

Wear a sexy dress and your best smile.

You're not coming?

He wants to meet you alone.

Think about it.

That's okay, Mandy.

Thanks, Sarah.

What sort of love is this?

-Hello? -Can all three of you hear me?

Yes, Babloo.

The four of us are on a conference call.

This is something important. Dad's in the hospital.