My Three Sons

I don't.

Have to call you Mr. Douglas anymore, Dad.

And this is the first time in my life I've ever used the word daughter.

Hey, that's right.

Well, I look at it like this.

I may be losing a brother, but I'm gaining a room.

Honey, I just want to go thank you.

Okay.

Oh, Dad.

I just wanted to say thanks, Dad, for everything.

Well, Mike, there's nothing to thank me for.

The bride's parents saw us pay for the wedding.

All I did was stand around and nod.

No, Dad, I mean for everything, for putting up with me, especially in the

last few years with the guitar lessons and hot rod cars, everything.

It all comes back double, Mike.

Who'd have thought my number one son would turn out to be an assistant psychology instructor back east?

I'm proud of you, Mike, for a lot of things.

Sally, I want a shot of Mike taking you to the car.

Come on, Mike.

Come on, Muriel.

Come on, now, big smile.

Big smile.

Come on, come on.

Everybody follow.

Come on.

Hey, I think we're supposed to take the rice out of the bags.

I want them to feel it when I hit them.

Here they come.

I've got some great pictures I did.

Oh, good.

Come on.

Come on, Jeff.

I've got more.

Well,

that's one less kid I'll have to clean up after.

Yeah, I suppose you could look at it that way.

Come on, Ernie.

Let's go get something to eat.

How can you fellas eat again?

You just had four pieces of wedding cake apiece.

Well, Charley, it was a nice wedding, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Pretty soon now, Chip and Robbie will be uncles, and I'll be a great-great-uncle.

And we'll be calling you Grandpa.

Oh, Grandpa.

Yeah, that's what they call a guy when his kids have kids.

No, you don't.

Unless you want to go high class and have them call you Grandfather.

Grandpa.

You lose your nose or something?

No, no, I was just, uh, what were you saying, Charley?

I was saying this little Ernie is a bad influence on Chip.

He got him giggling in church practically right on top of the I do's.

Well, I guess giggling in church has been going on for a long time, Charley.

And it probably wasn't Ernie's fault anymore, it was Chip's.

It's one of those things where you get started and you can't stop.

I know, but just the same.

Yeah?

Yeah, Chip.

Is it okay if Ernie stays here a couple of days?

Well, yes, I guess so.

How come you're asking?

He usually walks right in and picks out a bed.

Well, he can't anymore.

A bunch of junk's going on at his house.

What do you mean, a bunch of junk's going on at his house?

What kind of junk?

Important junk.

Oh, now we know.

Hey, Jasper, if you want to dust the floor, go get a mop.

Not your best suit.

Oh, I'm telling you, these kids now, they...

What are you looking at in that mirror?

An aging man, Charlie.

An aging, aging man.

Hey, Ernie.

Hi.

I'm still stuck here because there's a sign of papers and junk in the house.

How come?

It's a thing that's going on.

Ernie, come here.

I've got to go.

Come on in.

There's some cake in the thing.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Miss Coulter.

Hello, dear.

Hello, Ernest.

Now, I have something to discuss with you.

You know Mr. Thompson's firm has transferred him to the Orient, don't you?

Yes, ma'am.

And I know I can't go along, because the county doesn't allow foster kids out of the county or something.

And that's why we can't take you with us, dear.

But Miss Coulter's going to find you some nice new foster parents.

Where will I live this time?

We'll find you a wonderful family.

Around here?

Well, we'll try.

Will you write to me in junk?

Oh, Ernie.

Excuse me, Mom.

Hey, boy.

Yeah.

Hello, uh, Googie?

How are you, Googie?

This is Steve.

Uh, Steve Douglas.

Oh, you...

Well, I'm fine.

Yeah, I guess it is kind of a surprise.

I haven't called you in some time.

Has it been 20 years?

What happened?

Oh, you were getting ready to bathe your what?

Your grandchildren?

And they just ran out the front door without the clothes on.

Well, sure, sure, sure, I understand.

I can call you back some other time.

Yes, of course I understand.

Goodbye.

Twenty years?

You don't have to look so rotten.

I only had them for a little while.

You got other parents?

Sure.

People get paid for taking care of kids like me.

And they're always real nice.

Who pays them?

A thing called the county.

They try to give us kids without folks to people instead of putting us in a big building.

I saw the building.

It's pretty neat.

You think that lady will find out?

And the other frosted parents around here?

So you get to go to the same school?

Foster, not frosted.

Anyway, how do you know there's somebody around here that'll let you live with them?

I've been thinking.

There isn't.

The only people that like kids are those two old ladies clear over on Lester Street.

And if I lived over there, I'd have to go to Susan B.

Dorsey School.

And I'd rather get shot in my stomach than go to a creepy school like that.

Yeah, I remember.

They got girls over there that kiss you for no reason at all.

Yeah.

Anyway, you better not tell that lady from the county that you're going to be staying at my house for a couple of days.

Okay.

Well, as I remember, she had light hair.

Well, she was a blonde.

And she wasn't too tall.

You don't.

I see.

Thank you very much.

What's that you just hid?

Hmm?

Uh, nothing, Mr. Charley.

Well, when somebody ducks something out of sight the minute I walk in, I'm interested.

A little black book.

It is not a little black book.

It happens to be a book I have with some addresses of old friends.

I've had it for years.

Shirley Massen, Angela Downs, Flora McBride, Googie Dutton.

Goopy.

Yes, Goopy.

Hey, you're not calling these tomatoes, are you?

What's wrong with renewing old friendships?

Nothing, but by the looks of this book, I think you picked the right word.

Old.

You know, there's an old Chinese saying I learned on the Kowloon Ferry.

When the ink turns brown, the girl is over the hill.

Hey, how many times have I told you guys to use the back door?

I just cleaned the rug.

Yeah, but you said guests could use the front door, Uncle Charley.

What guests?

All I see is you and our star boarder.

You saw her because we're not at school today.

Yeah, I know.

And those shoes on the sheets.

And I want to show you something.

I bought a black towel yesterday, and when you wash your hands, I want you to use it.

Dad, uh, could I talk to you for a minute?

Sure, Rob.

What's on your mind?

Well, Dad, I, uh, I overheard a couple of things, and I, uh, I saw you look into the

mirror a few times, and, uh, well, Dad, I, I think we ought to talk it out.

Well, I, uh, appreciate your great concern, Rob, but, uh, I'll survive.

Well, sure, Dad, you'll survive, but, uh, Dad, all I'm saying is you're a young man.

You don't have to go around and call all these old girlfriends.

Rob, I told Charley and I'm telling you.

I was merely trying to renew old friendships, that's all.

But, Dad, why worry about renewing old friendships when you can go out and make new ones?

Dad, stop taking those ladies to crop duster lectures and round table discussions.

There are some great spots in town, like the Giggle-A-Go-Go.

The Giggle-A-Go-Go?

Rob, that might work for you, but can you see a man of my age going to a place called the Giggle-A-Go-Go?

Dad, I'm not saying that the Giggle-A-Go-Go is the only place.

There are other places.

I could write out a whole list of other places.