10 Things I Hate About You

Hey!

I'll be right with you.

So, Cameron. Here you go.

Nine schools in 10 years. My, my. Army brat?

-Yeah. My dad is... -That's enough.

I'm sure you won't find Padua any different than your old schools.

Same little ass-wipe shit-for-brains everywhere.

Excuse me? Did you just say... Am I in the right office?

Not anymore, you're not. I've got deviants to see and a novel to finish.

Now, scoot. Scoot!

Okay.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Patrick Verona.

I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual.

Only so we can have these moments together. Should I hit the lights?

Oh, very clever, kangaroo boy.

Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?

I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst.

Bratwurst?

Aren't we the optimist?

Next time, keep it in your pouch, okay?

Scoot!

Hello! Michael Eckman. I'm supposed to show you around.

Oh, hi. Thank God. You know...

Normally they send down one of those audio visual geeks.

No, I do. I know what you mean.

Hey, Michael, where should I put those slides?

Michael? So... Cameron.

Here's the breakdown. Over there, we've got your basic beautiful people.

Now listen. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother.

-Wait. Is that your rule or theirs? -Watch. Hey, there.

-Eat me. -You see that?

To the left, we have the coffee kids.

-That was Costa Rican, butthead! -Very edgy.

Don't make any sudden movements around them.

These delusionals are your white Rastas.

They're big Marley fans. They think they're black.

-Semi-political, but mostly... -Smoke a lot of weed?

-Yeah. These guys... -Wait, wait. Let me guess. Cowboys?

Yeah, but the closest they've come to a cow is McDonald's.

McDonald's.

These are your future MBAs. We're all Ivy League accepted.

Yuppie greed is back, my friend.

-Hey, guys, how you doin'? -Close it, Bogey!

-Yesterday, I was their god. -What happened?

Bogey Lowenstein started a rumor that I...

That I buy my Izods at an outlet mall.

-So they kicked you out? -Hostile takeover. But don't worry.

-He'll pay. Now, over here... -Oh, my God.

-What group is she in? -The "don't even think about it" group.

That's Bianca Stratford. She's a sophomore.

I burn, I pine, I perish.

Of course you do. You know, she's beautiful and deep.

I'm sure.

Yeah, but see, there's a difference between like and love.

Because I like my Skechers, but I love my Prada backpack.

But I love my Skechers.

That's because you don't have a Prada backpack.

Listen, forget her. Incredibly uptight father.

And it's a widely known fact that

the Stratford sisters aren't allowed to date.

Yeah.

Whatever.

Okay, then. What did everyone think of the Sun Also Rises?

I loved it. He's so romantic.

Romantic? Hemingway?

He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half his life

hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.

As opposed to a bitter, self-righteous hag who has no friends?

Pipe down, Chachi.

I guess in this society, being male and an asshole

makes you worthy of our time.

What about Sylvia Plath,

or Charlotte Bronte or Simone de Beauvoir?

What'd I miss?

The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education.

Good.

-Hey, hey! -Mr. Morgan.

Is there any chance we could get Kat to take her Midol

before she comes to class?

Someday you're gonna get bitch-slapped,

and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it.

And, Kat, I want to thank you for your point of view.

I know how difficult it must be for you to overcome all those years

of upper-middle class suburban oppression.

Must be tough.

But the next time you storm the P.T.A., crusading for better lunch meat,

or whatever it is you white girls complain about,

ask them why they can't buy a book written by a black man!

-That's right, mon! -Don't even get me started on you two.

Anything else?

Yeah, go to the office. You're pissing me off.

-What? Mr. Morgan... -Later!

Undulating with desire,

Adrienne removes her red...

Crimson cape

at the sight of Reginald's stiff and...

Judith!

What's another word for "engorged"?

I'll look it up.

Okay.

-Swollen. Turgid. -Tumescent?

Perfect.

So, I hear you were terrorizing Mr. Morgan's class again.

Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action.

The way you expressed your opinion to Bobby Ridgeway?

By the way, his testicle retrieval operation went quite well,

in case you're interested.

I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls.

The point is, Kat...

Cat.

People perceive you as somewhat...

Tempestuous?

"Heinous bitch" is the term used most often.

You might want to work on that.

Thank you.

As always, thank you for your excellent guidance.

I'll let you get back to Reginald's quivering member.

"Quivering member." I like that.

Virgin alert. Your favorite.

Lookin' good, ladies.

Oh, she's out of reach, even for you.

-No one's out of reach for me. -You wanna put money on that?

Money, I've got.

This I'm gonna do for fun.

-Who's that guy? -That's Joey Donner.

He's a jerk off, and a model.

-He's a model? -A model.

Mostly regional stuff, but he's rumored to have a big tube sock ad coming out.

-Really? -Really.

Man, look at her. Is she always so...

-Vapid? -How can you say that? She's totally...

-Conceited. -What are you talking about?

There's more to her than you think.

Look at the way she smiles, and look at her eyes, man.

She's totally pure. You're missing what's there.

No, no, Cameron, no. What's there

is a snotty little princess wearing a strategically planned sun dress

to make guys like us realize that we can never touch her

and guys like Joey realize that they want to.

She, my friend, is what we will spend the rest of our lives not having.

Put her in your spank bank, move on.

-Move on. -No, no. You're wrong about her.

I mean, you know, not about the spanking part,

but the rest, you're wrong.

All right... I'm wrong? You wanna take a shot, be my guest.

She's actually looking for a French tutor.

Are you serious? That's perfect!

Do you speak French?

Well, no, but I will.

Hey. Your little Rambo look is out, Kat.

-Didn't you read last month's Cosmo? -Run along.

I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be under whelmed,

but can you ever just be "whelmed"?

-I think you can in Europe. -Hi, ladies.

Would you sweet young things like a ride?

Careful on the leather.

That's a charming new development.

It's disgusting.

Remove head from sphincter, then drive!

-You okay? -Yeah.

Just a minor encounter with the shrew.

-That's your girlfriend's sister. -That's Bianca's sister?

The mewling, rampalian wretch herself.

-Stay cool, bro. -Yeah, see you later.

Look out!

My balls! Oh, boy.

Yeah!

Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?

Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.

-Hi, Daddy. -Hello, precious.

-And where have you been? -Nowhere.

Hey, what's this? It says Sarah Lawrence.

I got in!

Honey, that's great,

but isn't Sarah Lawrence on the other side of the country?

Thus the basis of its appeal.

I thought we decided you were going to stay here and go to school.

"U-Dub," like me. Be a Husky.

No, you decided.

Oh, okay, so what, you just pick up and leave, is that it?

Let's hope so.

Ask Bianca who drove her home.

Kat, don't change the... Drove? Who drove you home?

Now, don't get upset, Daddy, but there's this boy...

-Who's a flaming imbecile. -And I think he might ask me...

Please. I think I know what he's going to ask you.

And I think I know the answer. No. It's always no.

What are the two house rules?

Number one, no dating till you graduate.

Number two, no dating till you graduate.

-That's it. -Daddy, that's so unfair.

All right, you want to know what's unfair? This is for you, too.

This morning I delivered a set of twins to a 15-year-old girl.

Do you know what she said to me?

I'm a crack whore who should have

made my skeezy boyfriend wear a condom?

Close, but no.

She said, "I should have listened to my father."

-She did not. -Well, that's what she would have said