American Dad!

Can I get a what's up?

Can you get a what?

No time for pleasantries, Steve.

I've unsleeved the pudding pop.

That's right.

A lot of stuff has been going on around here without my comment,

and I think it's time to...

tell it like it is.

That's right. I tell it like it is.

I call it like I see it.

Do I pussyfoot around?

I can't.

It begins now.

Hayley, you know what I'm going to say.

The bicycle shorts...

The bicycle shorts you wore last week.

I didn't see a bicycle.

Was it a fashion thing?

With a baggy sweater, I thought...

It looked bad.

Francine, I saw on the credit card statement

you got a subscription to Master Class?

Doris Kearns Goodwin does one...

You're going to become a DKG-level historian?

That'd be the first time anyone in this family

followed through on something.

Remember how you all saw the movie Nightcrawler

and you all wanted to become Nightcrawlers,

selling pictures of car accidents to the news?

How many of you are Nightcrawlers now?

We... We could... We could be Nightcrawlers...

Big mistake piping up, Steve.

The other day, your hair came down into your face?

No.

I was getting out of the pool!

You don't have a face where you can ever let your hair

come forward like that.

It's your nose. Just telling it like it is.

Talk to me about hair.

Of all people. Good gracious.

What's that, son?

Is it a hard truth you're muttering?

Hit me with it. I can take it.

I said it's funny for you of all people

to criticize someone's hair!

You're bald!

Bald... bald...

Dad?

Bald! Bald! Bald!

Bald! Bald!

Pretty good Steve impression,

Now do Klaus!

What's up, dudes?

Klaus usually says "bros."

There I was, blasting them with the truth,

one of my best tell-it-like-it-is-es-es,

and Steve just knocks the wind out of me with... with...

The truth?

Yes.

Ya know, Stan, to tell it like it is freely,

you must remove all your weaknesses.

Baldness is my only weakness.

You know, there's a hair transplant technique

I read about that's very cutting edge...

hair seeds.

"Cutting edge" is intriguing.

If you did it, I could arrange to have your new hair

styled by none other than...

get ready for this...

Josay Bosay.

Who?

Are you serious?

Josay Bosay?

He's my most celebrated hair stylist character.

I have never heard of him.

Back in the '70s, Josay gave Rod Stewart

what would turn out to be his forever haircut.

You know what, Roger?

I will get hair seeds!

I'm so excited, I have to journal!

Is Stan right about us?

We were so excited about being Nightcrawlers.

It's all we talked about in 2015.

But how many times did we actually go out on the prowl?

Not even once.

Look, did you all like the movie Nightcrawler?

- Yes! - More than anything.

And do you still think about it every day?

- Yes! - Morning to night!

And do you think that taking pictures of car accidents

and crime scenes seems like easy, fun money?

Yes!

Then get out there!

No one ever uses the fireman pole.

Not even me.

With my proprietary hair seed technology,

giving you a big, beautiful mane of hair

is as easy as one, two, three.

Now, let's take the wig off and see what we're working with.

I can't do it.

My... head's under there.

I'm right here.

I'm too nervous!

What if I hold the other hand?

And now...

I'm a monster.

It's okay, Mr. Smith.

As a professional, I see this sort of thing every day.

Pamela, bring me some Dramamine.

I'm looking at something that makes me queasier

than any roller coaster.

These hair seeds are gonna go nuclear

when they touch down on that cueball melon of yours.

Let's gas this Kojak.

I thought this was an outpatient surgery.

It's gonna be a breeze.

Stan, things are going very badly.

Your body has rejected the hair seeds,

and something went nuts with your kidneys.

They swelled up and got very big,

then they shrunk down very small,

then they made a hissing sound,

then they just flat-out vanished.

I saw the whole thing on ultrasound.

I was like...

What does this mean for my hair?

We need a rare double donor...

both a kidney and a hair match.

Fortunately, I already found the right person.

They're here, they're excited to help,

and they're right behind this curtain.

Looks like Tuttle.

I'm going to insist the donation be anonymous.

This is an outrage!

I'm a hero!

Stay behind the screen. It is my wish.

Prep for surgery!

Let's get hairy!

He's dead again?!

This is a nightmare!

My anesthesia's not working!

My anesthesia's not working!

Shut up! Shut up!

Stan, open your eyes.

It worked.

- Hair? - Oh, yeah.

And it was easy as one, two, three

months in a coma.

I was in a coma?!

It's time to remove this towel

and send you out into the world,

a man who has hair,

but no towel.

The fruit...

of the hair seed.

Oh!

Oh!

I look like the Beast from Beauty and the Beast!

Now I get to bring you to Josay Bosay

for your first-ever haircut.

I can't keep my hands out of it!

I love seeing you so happy, Stan.

Anonymous! Anonymous!

Stan Smith, here for Josay Bosay?

Naughty boy!

Trying to read my unfinished memoirs!

There's some juicy stuff in that memoir.

When Morgan Fairchild reads what I have to say

about our hot affair, she's going to be so very angry.

But she gets horny when she's angry,

so more sex for me, right, gorgeous?

Th... These are scribbles. Not writing.

Oh, I can write. And I can read, too.

I read a book that was one majillion,

but let's talk hair.

I want this haircut to be good.

Rod was nervous, too,

before I gave him that.

Make me look like me.

The most me.

Et voilà!

You just became...

a butterfly.

- I hate it. - How's that, gorgeous?

It's a horrible haircut.

It's Rod Stewart's forever cut!

It's an out-of-date hair-do.

It's a hair-don't, frankly.

I gotta tell it like it is.

Josay Bosay, you're obviously

nothing but a washed-up dinosaur.

He looks horrible.

You look horrible.

We all look horrible!

This fool only knows one haircut!

It's official... Josay Bosay is finished!

To the hat store!

Stan, what have you done?!

I'm ruined!

Josay Bosay is ruined!