It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Hey, hey! What do you think of these, guys?

My God, Frank. My God.

You look ridiculous in those, dude.

Dude, why are you wearing skinny jeans? Because they're hip.

And I want to stay young. Well, stay old, bro.

Because that looks terrible. Dress your age.

I like 'em. I think they make me look sexy.

I am getting a tremendous amount of enjoyment watching you parade around in those things.

- So I say keep them. - Yeah? - Yeah.

It's like a Humpty Dumpty vibe going on with those. I don't know if you want...

Yo-oh! Big news, bitches! The ban's been lifted.

And we are back in. Flipadelphia, here we come!

Ohh! Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

Flip! Flip!

Flip- Yeah! Adelphia!

What the hell is Flipadelphia? What is Flipadelphia?

Dude, it's a city-wide flip cup tournament. It's the best.

Yeah. We were the bar to beat 10 years ago until we got muscled out.

Yeah. They very, very unfairly accused us of poisoning our rival team.

Yes. You got framed?

No, we did poison the shit out of them. But they didn't have any proof.

So you have a rival? Oh, yeah, big-time.

This dive bar down the street called Molly's. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. This year we're gonna jam it right up their butt holes.

Ohh! Wow. Yeah, me, Dennis and Charlie will jam their butt holes.

You're not gonna come anywhere near their butt holes. Let us handle the butt holes.

What are you talking about? You guys, I- I'm your number four.

I'm your "Adelphia. " And you can't- Yeah, I know.

But, Dee, I mean, what, do you, like, not remember the past?

You choked under pressure in '98. You blew the whole thing.

We were gonna win. And then you couldn't flip your damn cup over.

I know, Charlie! That's why I've been practicing ever since.

I mean, you gotta give me a chance to redeem myself.

Okay, fine. You will have a chance to redeem yourself.

In the meantime, what do you say we throw a little gas on the rivalry fire?

I thought you said this place was a shithole.

Yeah, it was. But looks like they've made a few renovations.

All right, well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Could be a scheme. Okay, you guys ready?

Probably, yeah. Guess who, bitches!

Are you guys hungry, huh?

Enjoying your meals? Oh, yeah! Whoo!

Oh, everybody have some lemon on it. Yeah.

Honk, honk, honk.

Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!

Will they highest ranking member of the staff please step forward?

I'm, uh, Art Sloan. I'm the owner. Huh?

Uh, you're Art Sloan?

Now see, you look very different from what I remember.

Do I know you people?

Uh, allow me to refresh your memory. Ohh!

Whoa, whoa. What- What the hell is that?

Flip cup. Ten years ago? We poisoned you, dude. Remember?

Oh, wait a minute, yeah. We got really sick. Yeah.

You acted sick. But check it out.

Who's to say we didn't put that very same poison in the drinking water?

Hey, everybody, relax.

He's lying. He doesn't have any poison. No, I don't have any on me.

But I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.

There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles.

What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?

Oh, that's mayonnaise. That's a decoy.

- And the mayo? - That's shampoo.

You're telling me I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?

If you're using the mayonnaise, yeah, probably. I-I'm sorry.

Is there something that I can do for you people?

Yeah! We came to tell you we're reigniting the rivalry, dick worm.

- It's back on, bitch! - You know what? I-I am not your rival, okay?

I never was. And I am certainly not participating in Flipadelphia.

Flip, flip, Flipadelphia!

Flip, flip- Oh! Looks like someone's scared, guys.

Now you're just being childish. Oh, yeah?

How's this for childish, bro?

All right, that's it! I'm calling the cops.

He pissed on your bar! Yeah, call the cops!

See you Saturday. Don't be late.

Three, two, one, go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

No, no.

No, you're doing it too high! Get it! Get it!

What are you doing? What are you doing?

I don't know, you guys. I was...

That was terrible! I'm sorry, okay?

I thought you had been practicing. I have been practicing!

I don't know what happened! You know, it's her bison-sized fingers!

I don't have bison fingers! I don't have bison fingers. Oh, yes, you do.

Your mother had to have a C-section because of those hands.

Okay, you guys are just all screaming in my face!

People are going to scream at the tournament!

That's it. She's off the team. Shut up, Frank!

You're not even on the team! That's true. What is my role here?

Why did you bring that up? Yeah. All right.

You're not gonna be on the flip cup team. No. Definitely not.

Maybe you could be, um, team instigator. Yeah! There we go.

That works. I'll be the instigator. Sure. Yeah.

Okay. I'll instigate. In the meantime, we need to find a replacement for Dee.

We need a replacement. No! No, no, no, no, no! That's not fair, you guys.

Don't replace me! You're being replaced.

Okay. I'll tell you what, Dee. If you can prove to us...

that you can flip 10 cups in a row under pressure, you're back on the team.

Yes! Okay, I gotta practice. That's all I need. All right.

I gotta warm up. You see, I went into this cold. I came in here cold.

That's what my problem was. One mistake and you're off the team.

That oughta keep her busy for at least a week or so.

I don't think she'll ever get that. Okay, in the meantime,

let's find a replacement. Yes. And I know just the place to go.

Where? Same place I learned to hone my God-given flip cup skills.

The Delta Omega Lambda fraternity house at Penn. Wait.

That was, like, 15 years ago. I don't think you'd have any clout there.

It doesn't matter, man. I was the king of that place. I'm a legend over there.

Oh. This brings me back.

Got the alumni's up here. Nice.

Oh, man.

This is the class. Oh, man. There's Ritter.

Oh, that's- "I chug dick"? No.

What? I never- I don't chug dick. That's crazy.

Why would you even put- That's not funny.

Come on, that's homophobic. I mean, come on. What the hell?

Bitch! Pick it back up!

No, shake the ass! Shake the ass!

Yeah, there you go!

- Like this! - Frank? What the hell are you doing, man?

I'm recruiting these guys for the flip cup thing. I almost got this, Dennis.

Whoo-whoo-whoo! Yeah!

All right! That's real funny shit, Frank!

Step out for a second and let me handle this. All right, guys-

I'm Brother Reynolds, class of '98.

Dude, we were cruising in sixth grade in '98, man.

Oh, sixth grade? Cool, man. Well, I guess I kind of blazed the trail...

for these sorts of shenanigans you guys got going on in here.

- What's going on with this kid? - Oh, he's a pledge.

And we're zapping his nuts with a stun gun every couple of hours.

- Oh! - Look at him, man!

That's brutal, man. Wow. Let me- Let me get in on that.

You- You want to get in on this? Yeah.

I'm sort of a legend when it comes to this kind of shit. So, yeah.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Cool. Here, man. -

- Down he goes! - Oh, shit! That really hurts!

Dennis, these guys are badass shitheads! Oh, man! You got any ludes?

Ludes? I don't think they make those anymore, man. No?

We got Ritarall. Ritarall?

Yeah. What's Ritarall? Oh, snortski. Ohh. Mmm.

Ooh! Ooh, that's tasty stuff.

Uh, God. Zap him again.

Huh?

- It's that- It's that easy. - Don't do that shit again, you little idiot!

Okay? Have some respect for a brother, okay? I'm a legend around this place.

So don't zap me again! All right, listen. I came here for a reason, okay?

I came here to recruit you for a flip cup tournament.

Flip cup? Flip cup? What are you, a freshman? That is so lame.

Take a look at how loose his jeans are. Okay. Okay.

Let me have it a minute.

No more zapping.

All right, all right. No more zapping.

We're done. Stop, stop, stop!

Get outta here!

All right, focus. You can do this.

One more time, just- Oh, Dee. Dee, it's getting hard to watch.

Really. I can't stop grinding my teeth.

I don't know how these kids study on this goddamn Ritarall.

Yeah, I don't know either! And I don't give a shit!

Hey. So how did the recruiting go? Oh, it was bad.

We both got punked. Yeah, we both got punked, Frank. We both got punked!

That's right. These kids these days, I'll tell you what.

They're nothing like we used to be back when we were in fraternities.

They have no respect for anybody, okay? They're like stupid little goddamn savages.

They're bitches! They're bitches! They're little bitches.

I came in there, right? And I was polite, and I was nice to them.

I was cordial. And they completely goddamn disrespected me!

Little idiots! Idiots! Yeah.

I was completely respectful. They're supposed to be my brothers, right?

They're my brothers? No, no. That's not fun.

What they were doing wasn't fun. They kept zapping us and zapping us.

Idiots! Savages! Idiots! No, zap, zap, zap, zap.

Idiots! Jesus Christ, dude. Calm down.

Man, that's- All right, I'm just...

They disrespect- I am a legend over there!

I know you're a legend. Charlie knows you're a legend, you know?

Yeah. That's just the viciousness of youth.

That wasn't fun! It's not fun! It's not fun!

Savages! I'll tell you what, dude.

Maybe you should step down from the fraternity thing.

Look, we haven't gotten Art Sloan to sign up yet. He has not signed up.

Why don't you focus some of that weird rage on him?

- Charlie and I'll handle the frat kids from here, okay? - Yeah, yeah.

I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids...

and that'll put 'em in their place. How are you gonna do that?

Well, you've seen the movie, right? Yeah.

So all I gotta do is I'll ask them some like big shot, like, math or science,

history-type college question...

and then I'll totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.

Yeah, in that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor. You're just a janitor.

Right.

You stumped me with that one. That's a good point.

You didn't have a comeback for that.

How are you gonna have a comeback in the frat house?

Then you ask them the math or history-type question...

Ah, but you're not a janitor. Don't do that.

Just, please, please take care of those little savages. Got it.