Nothing Left to Do But Cry (Non Ci Resta Che Piangere)

What did the doctor say? How's she?

Look at this haircut! My hair's messed up.

See? He left it too long.

I'm forced to go back there and have it cut again. He's hopeless!

That barber can only shampoo.

He can make your hair fluffy and all, but he can't cut it!

I don't know who put the scissors in his hand!

What an idiot!

To ruin someone like that, in the bloom of youth!

Such a wonderful girl. She set that idiot on a pedestal!

He came to the house: "Nice to meet you, I'm Alfredo"...

She stayed with him six years! Six years aren't six months.

Then, disappeared! And now she's a wreck, the poor thing!

Listen, but what did the doctor say? How's she?

I don't know. The usual.

When the doctor saw me, he asked: "Are you her boyfriend?"

I said: "No, her boyfriend's an idiot! An imbecile!"

"I'm her brother"

Then the doctor said: "If you see her boyfriend..."

"...tell him this girl should have some fun, she needs to be relieved...

"...relieved."

...Relieved.

But of course she needs to be relieved! He left her three years ago!

She hasn't... for three years... I told the doctor: "Maybe you could relieve her!"

I can't do it for I'm her brother.

Her boyfriend left her three years ago.

She doesn't go out anymore and doesn't want to see anybody.

Sometimes I tell her: "Meet some of my friends"...

"Would you like to meet some of my friends? Just to be relie..."

"If you want to meet some of my friends..."

- Mario, would you marry my sister? - Well...

Then be honest and say "You make me sick: you, your sister and your relatives!"

So I won't ask you anymore!

It's impossible to speak with you.

When we talk about school, cars or other things you're adorable.

When we talk about Gabriellina, you change from here to here!

- You become another person! - Alright. Thanks anyways.

Enough with that. Bye.

With all the men in the world, you want me to relieve your sister?

No, I'll do it. Don't worry. You're right.

It's not as if I'm trying to sell you cherries!

- However, my sister... - Not again! You got out of the car for that!

I can't even talk to myself about my sister?

You were talking to me!

No, I wasn't! I was thinking of my sister and said my thoughts out loud.

I got here, you followed me and talked about your sister!

I only asked if you wanted to marry her.

You don't understand. We're friends, that's embarrassing!

Alright, end of transmissions!

The train's passing by, I'm going. You're playing the victim.

I can't even talk about my sister...

The end.

That's it!

If the bar doesn't go up it means another train's coming. Don't sound the horn.

I see that.

Hey! Crossing keeper!

- How many trains pass by daily? - How many? Many.

- Hey! Crossing keeper! How many "many"? - Five, six, seven... more!

They're shunting.

- They're shunting! - What's that?

I don't know. They hired an idiot for a public service!

How do I know what 'shunting' means?

- You want to know what 'shunting' means? - No I don't! Calm down.

It couldn't get worse!

- What are we going to do? - We'll wait for all the trains to pass by.

We can't trespass. But maybe...

we could take that path and see if it takes us to the other side.

- You know it? - That path there...

- You know it? - That path!

- I know, but have you ever taken it? - First of all calm down.

I'm not the keeper, okay?

What I'm saying is, perhaps that path could take us beyond the level crossing.

But you've never taken it... I'll go all the same.

No! You might as well wait for all the trains to pass by.

- I'll take the path. If you know it... - I don't know it. We can only try.

- Could it be that way? - Wait.

- What does the sign say? - "Legnano".

- Go straight ahead. - I'll go straight ahead.

- Go straight ahead! - Yes. Straight ahead.

- What the heck? - Straight ahead, I said.

Straight ahead my arse, the car stopped!

Do you think that water's drinkable?

I don't know.

Maybe it's for the sheep.

- "Perepè"? - For the sheep!

You sounded like a trumpet, "perepè".

No, I said "FOR THE sheep"!

My Lord, what a day!

- It's raining so hard! - My God!

And then you don't realise... Let me tell you something, since now you're calm.

You know I like you, but you don't realise

how unpleasant you become when you're upset.

Moreover, it affects your job as a teacher.

I know because I see you kick out the pupils...

and then they come to me and say: "The teacher's got problems at home,

"and then he gets angry with us. But why?"

I know, it's a bad period. Apart from my sister...

- I know. - I also have personal problems.

But I understand you. I'm not telling you off.

Tell me something. Who told you that? Giachetti?

What, that you're upset at work? No. ...I can't remember.

- Was it that idiot of Giachetti? - No, it wasn't Giachetti!

- I'm going to fail him. - But it wasn't him!

I won't fail him for that, I made up my mind at the beginning of the school year.

I have an instinct for certain things.

Had it been Giachetti, I would have told you!

- It wasn't him. - Alright then.

You kick them all out, even De Luca.

I had to tell him: "Even the grown-ups make mistakes".

Don't play the philosopher with the children. Just do your job,

there's no need for a philosophical caretaker! "The grown-ups make mistake"...

So, what shall we do?

I told you before, let's go and check on that light.

I saw it too.

- Let's go there. - Maybe it's a hotel.

- "Inn..." - Come on, it's raining!

- Wait! - What should I wait for? It's raining!

Let's see if they have a phone. Knock.

- Knock, I said! - I'm knocking!

Good evening. Our car stopped nearby.

We're all wet with rain. We came here running.

Do you have a phone? We have to make a call because the car...

- We're all wet with rain. - Telephone!

You think we could stay for the night?

To sleep? Upstairs.

- Shall we? - She said yes, hurry up!

- Upstairs? - Upstairs.

Damn you! "Go straight ahead", he said! Go upstairs!

- Hey! - Don't you dare say "hey", now!

- Go upstairs! - Upstairs where? I don't know!

- Upstairs where? - Upstairs.

We're so wet we won't be able to sleep.

- Thanks. Go upstairs! - I can't see anything. Sorry...

- The lights are off. - Where's the switch?

- The power switch! - Quiet. The lights?

- The lights? The candles are upstairs. - Is everything upstairs?

- So the light's off? - Go! Good night!

Good night.

Hurry up, you're as slow as a 90 year-old man!

- I can't see anything. - Then I'll go first.

- You want to go first? - Yes!

- Ha! You stumbled! - Of course, there's a step.

What are you doing? Slow down.

Mario! A man's sleeping there!

Leave him alone. Who knows how many others are in here...

- She sends everyone upstairs! - Let's place ourselves there.

- There's a piece of wood. - The beds are here.

I'm dead tired.

I'll sleep all dressed. It's full of bugs here.

- What? - What is it?

- Which bugs? - Where?

You said it's full of bugs! They make me sick, don't make fun of me.

These are old beds, they're usually full of bugs.

Then I'll sleep all dressed too.

I prefer to catch the bronchitis. Bugs make me sick.

- What was it? - That man's snoring.

He won't let us sleep, he'll stop if I do that.

Mario.

- Mario. - Won't you get some sleep? Aren't you tired?

- Yes. - Then sleep!

- Will you stop moving? - Why can't I move?

- Because I'm afraid of bugs. - Then I'll stay still.

Can't you stay still? Do you have to move at all costs?

Can't I change position?

Do I have to sleep like this?

- Find a position! - No, I'll sleep like this.

- I want to see it! - I like this position!

Find a comfortable position! One that makes you comfortable.

I don't know what makes me comfortable.

- Are you comfortable? - Yes.

A. D. 1492

Hey! You're in my bed!

Of course, I moved.

- He's pissing out of the window. - What?

Quiet! Indeed!

Quiet.

Hey what's that?

It can't be real! Excuse me...

He snored all night.

- That's real blood. - Don't show me your hand.

- The friar! - We didn't do it! We were sleeping,

then we saw him ...using the bathroom...

- then all of a sudden... PAH! - There's blood on his hands.

What do you mean? You know I've touched him!

- Why did you say that? - And then he kept snoring all night.

- He kept snoring and... - My God!

- Damn friars! Remigio! - He was in the bathroom and...

They've killed the last of my brothers! Damn them!

Remigio, you knew you shouldn't come to the inn! You knew that!

Damn people!

'Morning.

Upstairs, someone was in the bathroom...

and suddenly... TAH! Something hit his...

and he's dead. But it's a joke, I think.

Oops, it's late, we have to go.

We're... There's a dead man upstairs!

- But it's a joke... - A joke? I'm scared!

- But where are we? - In Frittole.

- Frittole? - Frittole!

Why are you dressed that way?