The Last Man on Earth

Previously on The Last Man on Earth...

I'm Pamela.

In here, in here, or in here, or in here...

She's all over my husband.

I overheard what you said about cutting me loose.

I'll take real good care of Tandy. Bye!

Look on the bright side.

We have our very own island.

Well, hello there.

Ah, I love this song.

You wish.

Fine, be a song-pooper.

Open your mouth, 'cause I'm gonna put an ear in it.

Sorry, I know that was a little corny.

Well, this guy liked it.

I love that joke, heh-heh-heh.

What's your endgame here, Pamela?

You think if you feed me enough corn,

I'm just gonna suddenly forget

that you stranded my pregnant wife on a deserted island?

Need I remind you, your pregnant wife...

If she is indeed pregnant...

Was planning to ditch me the second they hit land.

Oh, please. If you think you have any kind of shot with me,

you're insizzy in the membrizzy.

Then I guess you've never heard of Stockholm syndrome?

Of course I have.

But, uh, for G-Gary, will you explain it?

Sure.

Gary, Stockholm syndrome is when a hostage

starts to sympathize with their captor...

Uh, uh, with their captor!

Yeah, uh-huh. Know it well.

That's never gonna happen.

Well, it is very common.

In fact, sometimes people even... fall in love.

Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?!

Wait a minute.

She'd love that, wouldn't she?

Gary, call the doctor

and tell him to put on a fresh pot of coffee,

'cause the Tandyman's feeling a little under the weather.

Yeah, looks like I'm coming down

with "Stocko syndome."

Well, I can barely see the yacht anymore.

What do I do?! What do I do?!

There's no time to panic.

Just have to figure out a plan.

Melissa's right. Okay, let's see.

Erica, quick, hand me that fondue pot.

Uh, Jasper, that chocolate bar.

Now, has anybody seen any matches?

Todd, are you sure you're working on a plan?

'Cause it sounds like you're just making chocolate fondue.

It's called brain food, Gail.

I mean, it's like you never made a plan before.

You know. Am-am I alone on this?

What the gol is that?

Hello?

Somebody there?

Ow.

Show yourself!

Stay here. I'm gonna check it out.

Be careful, Todd.

Stop right there.

Okay.

What the hell is he doing?

Good God, he's going right in there.

Oh, I don't like the looks of this.

It's okay, guys!

He just wants to touch everybody's faces.

- No, no. - No, no, no. - Ah...

- Oh, you're real. - Hey, guys,

this is, uh, Glenn.

I-I'm sorry, I just, I...

I never thought this day would come. I... I...

I-I'm being... I'm being rescued.

I'm going home. I'm going home!

When does your boat come back?

Guys?

Okay, Gary, here goes nothing.

Gary...

how long have we been on this boat?

I mean, it feels like months, but that can't be right.

I mean, I'm so disoriented.

Up is down, day is night...

hate is love.

I feel so different in so many ways.

Take, for instance, Carol.

I mean, I care about her,

but it's feeling more like a friendship now.

And you're not gonna believe this,

but you know that woman Pamela from the boat?

Man, I'm crushing on her so hard right now.

Yes, it's a boner, Gary.

You'd get one, too,

if you couldn't stop thinking about Pamela.

Oh, God, I'm so confused.

Look, until I can sort out my feelings,

I'm just gonna keep on pretending like I hate Pamela.

Oh, my God, she's coming, she's coming, she's coming.

Tandy?

You hungry?

Get bent!

Wow, you sound like you're very upset with me.

Duh, duh!

Still thinking about... what's her name?

Her name, for your information,

is Pamela... uh, Karen... Carol!

Oh, that's right... Carol Andrew Pil-Pamela...

Uh, basian! Pilbasian!

Carol Pamela Pilbasian!

Carol Andrew Pilbasian!

Get out of here! Get out of here!

All right, if that's what you want.

That's what I want.

The trap's been set.

Looks like our mouse has a weakness for cheese.

Tandy cheese.

Tandy! Tandy!

So, this is my place.

This is the main living quarters over here,

and I have a seating area right there.

And my toilet's right there, where Todd's standing.

Geez.

What's this?

That is really nothing.

Oh, gosh, I know what this probably looks like to you,

but this is not a sex doll.

Okay, I was lonely, and I created her

to have someone to talk to.

Oh.

And then the lines did blur,

and she became a sex doll.

But she did not start as a sex doll, okay?

And I think that that's an important distinction.

You can probably tell that I modeled her

after Eva Mendes.

Yeah, she was a beautiful woman.

Was? What do you mean?

Oh, no.

She didn't have a bunch of work done, did she?

Uh... uh, Glenn,

how long have you been on this island?

About five years.

Oh, my God.

Is there something you're not telling me?

What happened to her face?

It...

- died. - Yeah.

And her body joined it.

Oh, God, no. How did that happen?

No, no, don't tell me. I do not handle death well.

Gosling must be devastated.

Well, I hope your brows are ready...

Latisse time.

Hey, girl.

I guess you're not mad at me anymore.

Oh, I'm super mad!

And I want to give you a spanking.

Get over here.

This is moving a little faster than I thought.

Yeah?

Well, I haven't even hit second gear.

Oh, Tandy, tell me this isn't a trick.

Trix are for kids, and I'm 43 years old.

I wasn't born yesterday, you know.

Good, 'cause I would never do this to a baby.

Tandy. Tandy.

Yes, my love?

Do you think that there's a chance that...

that I bought any of that?

Bought what, my love?

Stop it!

I was alone in a bunker for three years,

so you'll excuse me if I'm

Michael Jackson's doctor right now...

All out of patience.

Please don't shoot me. Please don't... please, please...

Let me be direct.

You're mine now. No more games.

Do you hear me?

Loud, clear, and wet from urine.

Think, Tandy, think. Every minute that passes,

you sail further away from your wife and unborn child.

Oh, Carol, everything I see reminds me of you.

Your various creams and ointments...

your nipples, of course.

Always giving me grief about my razor-sharp toenails.

Speaking of razor-sharp,

I just need to find something razor-sharp

to cut through these damn ropes.

Wait a minute.

Bingo.

Hey, Glenn?

Hmm?