Can We Take a Joke?

I'd like to apologize

if I hurt anyone

with anything I'm going to say

or if it's an opposing viewpoint

to one you might have.

And if I look like I'm thinking

about something that might be offensive,

please, I apologize for hurting you.

And I'm very sorry

that I bothered you or upset any of you.

I genuinely...

am deeply sorry to anyone

who's ever been affected by that term.

I'm sorry I did that.

I want to apologize

for a comment that I made on last night's Fashion Police

about Zendaya's hair.

I'm embarrassed that I did that.

I've learned it is not my intent that matters,

it's the result.

And the result is that people

are offended.

I did a bad thing.

I cannot spend every night apologizing.

I'm here to apologize.

I'm sorry.

I hope you'll accept my apology.

-Are you ready? - Yeah.

Then light your torches and go.

It doesn't take much to rile up

the outrage mob these days.

If you're a comedian, there might be calls

for your show to be cancelled

if someone takes offense at your joke.

You might have to kiss your big,

new gig good-bye.

You could get fired or get death threats.

You might even get attacked on stage.

Most people just give into the mob's demands,

but some comics are brave

or stupid enough to fight back.

I think people like to be offended because there's like

a really weird sense of empowerment

with being offended.

I think it's an attention-seeking device.

If you think you have the right

not to be offended,

either change your parameters

of what offends you

or just realize you're wrong.

Those are your two choices.

Jim Norton devotes a lot of his act

to raging against outrage.

Why is comedy the only form of the arts

where people think that they have to agree with

or approve the content?

Why is that?

You don't walk through a museum with a towel

and throw it over paintings

that you don't like.

I don't want anybody else seeing this

because I didn't quite enjoy it.

Someone will find something about every jokes

down to the most benign subject

till we're all like five year olds

and can't say anything.

If comedians avoided every topic

that might offend someone, there's nothing to talk about.

Pressuring the person to make a fake apology

over whatever it is that he's said

that got your panties in a bunch.

I don't know why we look at this as progress.

If you're easily offended, please don't come

to a comedy show.

When people are outraged by something,

they're also patting themselves

on the back,

like, "Hey,

I'm a good person, I was outraged."

People just love

to be offended and they love to talk about it.

More and more comedians are getting fed up

with outrage.

They say it's time for the mob

to learn how to take a joke.

We don't have a legal right

to not be offended,

but you have a social right to avoid things

that offend you.

So, your feelings got hurt,

it's not the end of the world.

I've always refused to apologize for a joke.

There's a lot of people out there whose job is to be

offended for other people.

It's almost like people have gotten soft.

The Marx brothers

were rebellious.

Nowadays, you'd watch them and you go,

"Oh, he's advocating smoking

and the other guy is anti-Italian

and that guy is making fun of people

-who can't speak." -I get offended.

And we're getting to the point where

outrage is a powerful political tool.

There's plenty of things that have offended me,

but that's where it begins and ends.

I'm offended, who gives a fuck?

But people, like, wanna take it

a step further and go,

"I want you to know I'm offended

and I'd like something done."

Comedy's lovable queen of mean,

Lisa Lampanelli.

Context in comedy is the be all and end all.

If I'm making fun of every single nationality,

race, height, weight, et cetera during my show,

the context is that

we're all the same,

we're all gonna get made fun of.

Thank you homos for skipping a night

of watching Bravo TV.

Oh, my God, that one who jumped up,

this big queen right here.

Oh!

He is so gay, he jerks off to Antique Roadshow.

By the end of the show the white guy

who got made fun of for being gay

or being, you know, blind,

or--I had a deaf guy a couple of weeks ago

who was amazing.

He suddenly goes,

"Oh, that's what black people feel like.

That's what the Asian people feel like."

So, I think that's what brings people together going,

"We all the same in this bitch."

My only line has ever been, if I can't make it funny

I'm not gonna do it.

Rape can't be taken off the table, AIDS, everything.

Every time I do an AIDS and a rape joke,

it kills and you know what,

it's because we're scared of it.

And if you're running away from it

and you're not confronting it,

you're a pussy and you're not standing up

to it.

So, I think that's why

you have to make fun of those subjects.

I think it's very hot that we have such sexy blacks

and spics at this show.

If I can't get raped by the end of this night,

I want my money back.

No, I mean, come on, man,

if this guy jumps me after the show,

that ain't a felony, that is lawful entry.

Lisa Lampanelli markets herself

as an insult comic, but even she can't escape

the outrage mob.

If we as comics steered clear of every topic

that might offend someone, we would never open our mouth,

I mean, literally, because I have made a joke

about the band Journey once

and a guy almost stormed the stage.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Look up the funny and sue, you ugly fuck.

I'm like, "Really?

You didn't mind spic, chink, kike,

Jew bastard, cocksucker, but Journey?"

That's Steve Perry, motherfucker.

So, what's a comedian supposed to do these days,

play it safe?

George Carlin once said

it's the duty of a comedian

to find out where the line is drawn

and deliberately cross over it.

I, of course, always like that line

because he says duty.

There so many times that, you know,

we get the wool pulled over our eyes

in society by, you know, certain powers

that be who wanna get away with stuff.

And I see the role of comedians

as the torch bearer.

You know, we shine the light

on what's really going on.

It's an amazing lineage of people

who've taken on that responsibility.

Richard Pryor took on that responsibility.

And before him, George Carlin.

But today's stand-up comedians

trace their lineage back to Lenny Bruce.

Now, ladies and gentlemen

here is a very shocking comedian,

the most shocking comedian of our time,

a young man who is skyrocketing to fame,

Lenny Bruce.

Here he is.

There are words that offend me.

Let's see.

Governor Faubus, segregation offend me,

nighttime television offends me,