The Big Bang Theory

Hey, Leonard, if you're not busy tomorrow,

I have to do a little reception after work.

Oh, I would, but we need to make a push on the air force project.

Oh, are you sure?

We're celebrating our new A.D.D. Drug,

and it'll probably be over in, like, six minutes.

Did you say you guys are working on

the guidance system tomorrow? Yeah, why?

Well, Sheldon said that he was gonna work with me

on our quantum perception project.

We've had this planned for a week.

Well, he reconfirmed with me this morning.

Guys, before this gets ugly, remember,

the winner gets Sheldon.

Hey, raj, do you want to go with me tomorrow?

Are you asking because you want me there or out of pity?

Actually, never mind, don't answer.

I'd love to.

Hello.

Why did you tell Leonard you're working on

the gyroscope tomorrow? Because I am.

But you said you were working with me. Penny: Uh-oh.

Someone's got two dates to the nerd prom.

I have a plan

to work on both projects simultaneously.

And for your information, the summer conference

on algebraic topology at Caltech is nerd prom.

I'm sorry, what is this plan you have?

Well, I'm not needed at both places at the same time.

And I can also free up extra hours with simple tricks,

such as using a minimal amount of words to convey my point.

When does that start?

Soon.

"in the near future," but I didn't say "in the near future,"

'cause "in the near future" is three more words than "soon."

"In" one, "the" two, "near" three, "future" four.

See "in the near future" is four, "soon" is just one,

four is more than one; Saving time already.

Genius.

I was gonna say,

"why does anyone think Sheldon's a genius?"

But I didn't.

Gentlemen, I've got Amy up and running.

Shall we get to work?

Uh, before we do, what are you wearing,

oh, friend who we pretend is normal?

These are hydration backpacks.

Eh, for efficiency, whenever I'm thirsty,

I have access to water.

Eh, when I'm hungry, I have lentil soup.

It's getting harder to pretend.

Anyway, Sheldon, we're at a decision point

to run the xenon stream through the cryocooler

or through the vacuum filter.

Run down the pros and cons of each for me.

Well, if we run the xenon stream through the cryocooler,

it'll be cooled immediately

before it reacts with the conduction.

Oh, sorry, uh, carrot chunk.

You can just feel the time being saved.

Ah, I'm back, you got me for eight minutes.

Sheldon, this is silly.

You can't expect us to do quality work

with you popping in and out like this.

The coefficient isn't lambda, it's lambda sub one.

And over here,

you should consider the possibility

that the brain itself is in two different quantum states.

And lastly, do you have any little soup crackers?

The rate of spinning for the central axis centrifuge

has to be four revolutions per second.

It can't be four revolutions, it's got to be seven.

Seven?!

Look at the board, it's four.

Oh, my god, it's seven!

Four! Seven!

It's five and a half.

Son of a bitch, it's five and a half.

B.R.B., that's short for "be right back."

I'm saving so much time!

The two signals meet up in the corpus callosum

and t equals zero.

And I know a boy who just earned a slurp of soup.

Incredible.

Sheldon, I didn't expect that you could work on both projects,

but I, I was wrong.

You know, I felt the same way about the spork.

Uh, solids and liquids handled by one utensil?

That'll never work.

Spoiler: Works.

I got to admit,

we didn't think you'd be able to do two things at once.

Yeah, I felt the same way about the platypus.

You know, bird and mammal

in the same creature? No way.

And spoiler: Way.

Hey. Hey.

Oh, thanks again for letting me use your laptop last night.

No problem.

Was just doing my taxes.

Okay.

Actually, if I could...

If I could just check one more...

Already cleared the browser history.

You're a good woman.

What you working on?

Trying to catch up on office e-mails before I go back.

Oh, that's right, maternity leave's almost over.

Ah, you excited?

Yeah, I mean, I'll miss halley,

but it'll be nice to get out of the house,

be intellectually stimulated.

Go out to lunch instead of, you know, be lunch.

That's great, good for you.

Yeah, I mean, with you and my parents, she's gonna be fine.

Ah, of course she is.

And that day care is great.

It is. I went to check it out,

and they are very cautious about letting strange men with no kids

peek in the windows.

Plus, I, I think I'm setting a good example for halley,

to show her that women can be mothers

and still have satisfying careers.

Sure, she won't know where I went or if I'm ever coming back.

That'll just make the ten minutes between when I get home.

And her bedtime even more special.

Uh, other than burp you or give you a bottle,

I don't know what to do right now.

It's okay, I'm just being emotional about this.

Can you not tell Howard?

Well, don't you think it'd be healthier

if you told him what's going on with you?

Don't you think it'd be healthier

if you had your own apartment, grown man?

Your secret is safe with me.

Hey, since when do you do laundry on a Thursday?

Oh, I had an accident at work,

I slipped and fell on my soup sack.

You know, there was a time I would say "what's a soup sack?"

But... I'm glad we're past that.

You know, there was a time I would say "god bless you,"

and then you would say "if you must invoke an imaginary deity",

how about Thor?"

And I would say,

"how do you know I didn't mean Thor?"

And then you would say "touché,"

and that there ends the tale

of why I no longer say "god bless you."

Well, we have had some fun, haven't we?

Oh, yeah.

So, Leonard tells me you've had a busy day.

Hmm? Oh, I did.

It hasn't stopped.

I figured out a solution for our navigation system

while I was pre-soaking lentils out of my pants.

Are you getting sick?

Of course not.

I'm too busy to be sick.

Well, you're pretty delicate.

Maybe you shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard.

I'm fine. All right.

Well, we'll just pretend that you didn't catch a cold

watching frozen. I...

That didn't happen.

You also got a nosebleed watching up.

Just do your laundry!

Stuart, you didn't have to make dinner.

Yeah, well, I felt bad about upsetting you this morning.

And to be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of your meatloaf.

Hey, what's for dinner?

Meatloaf.

Oh, cool.

Stuart made it.

Oh, cool.

Hey, I was thinking

maybe we take halley to the zoo this weekend,

get in a little family time

before you go back to work.

Sounds great.

Wolowitz: Speaking of which,

for day care, it'll be easy for me

to drop her off, unless you want to do it.

Hmm, guess it should be me.

Stuart: I can't do it;

They have a picture of me on file now.

You okay?

Of course, why?

Well, I don't know, you seem a little upset.

No, I'm fine. You sure?

Why don't you think she's fine?

She sounds fine, she looks fine.

If I saw her on the street I'd say, "damn, that girl's fine!"

Sheldon, you're sick, go back to bed.

I am fine.

Here, eat your toast.

Sorry.

It's okay, now I don't need butter.

Well, perhaps I am a little under the weather.

It's nothing a little cold medicine and tea can't fix.

You need sleep.