House of Lies

Previously on House of lies...

I'm out, I will start my own shop.

You want to fuck my shit up? I will fuck

yours up, too.

I was thinking that it was time for you

to run your own pod.

- I thought you were coming with me. - I am.

- I can't do it. I'm calling Marty. - No!

You're gonna go in there,

and you're gonna do this yourself.

Clyde: Because of my connections,

I'm gonna bring so much

after work casheesh to this company.

I'm just saying that the Carlson deal is not even closed yet.

Nate: Is something going on with you and Marty?

Jeannie: No.

Are you breaking up with me?

I don't think you should.

I'm sorry.

You fucked me over, okay?

You played me.

Let's go to Vegas.

Copy of the deal is sitting on my desk.

I'll sign it when I get there.

You motherfucker!

Mr. pincus, fucking over Mike Carlson?

That has got to be pretty fucking exciting.

Kiddies, take a good look around.

By this time tomorrow, we don't work here anymore.

man: Please come with me, sir. Woman: Please join them.

Clyde: All right. Doug: Photo time now?

Great. Perfect. All right, let's do it.

Sarah: Here. All right.

Uh... give me a little smile. You know,

pretend that you're enjoying yourself. Well, no, no, no,

hold on, hold on. This is not what we talked about.

And cue artsy bullshit. What we talked about--

correct me if I'm wrong-- is a stark,

uninflected style, reminiscent of late-career avedon.

You said you knew who that was.

I didn't.

Doug, no one gives a fuck.

I give an "f," okay? Sarah: You know,

why don't we just do bunny ears and say "cheese"?

Why don't we just take this goddamn fucking picture?

Everyone do bunny ears, I'll do 'em on myself.

Doug: I am. Sarah: Well, you know, it's...

Clyde: I still say you're an idiot.

Jeannie? Confirmed. Marty: Kids?

Five minutes, my office, guys.

Doug: "Five minutes, my office." My God.

That might be the last time we ever hear those words.

You think about that? I'm pretty sure

he'll have an office in the new shop, right?

So we're into some endgame shit right now.

We got to finesse this a little.

C-can I just suggest

that this might be a good time to take a beat?

Do a really deep drill-down

and verify that the environmentals are even ripe

for a new shop; They may not be.

Douglas, did someone sprinkle a little extra pussy

in your cereal this morning?

This move

is fucking epic, we get it done now,

correct? Okay. No.

All right. So because

I'm approaching this very significant event

with careful consideration, I'm a pussy?

I was afraid you wouldn't catch on, but...

Do you want to be uninvited to the wedding?

Keep going like this, I will snap my fingers and you're done.

That is the social event of the season,

and I need to be there. (Laughs)

I've already rented my tuxedo. Uninvited.

Everybody who's everybody's gonna be there. Take your tux back.

Us magazine, people magazine... you're not coming.

Hey, team dipshit! Listen.

Okay, here it is.

Carlson is out, pincus is in.

Clyde: What?

We are pulling the deal from Carlson,

and we are taking pincus to the new shop.

Bullshit.

Hold on, wait. No, pincus was out.

The-the paperwork is going to be finalized tomorrow,

maybe even tonight.

We're gonna keep it

business as usual. We get on that plane,

take that flight to Vegas,

but instead of closing Carlson, we close pincus.

Pincus.

And so Carlson...

Dead to us.

Clyde: Okay.

You knew about this?

Um... yeah.

Marty: As soon as that ink

is dry on that contract,

it is buh-bye, Carlson. Doug: Right.

Buh-bye, galweather stearn.

Marty: Are you excited? Doug: Yes!

: Yes!

You know what, buddy? I'm gonna need you

to break that down for me...

How are you holding up?

What?

You know, post-Tamara.

Oh. Fuck that.

Get your purse, I want to show you something.

Here it is.

I don't have to say a word

when I show a property like this,

because it's... I mean, look at this view.

The light, the space--

it sells itself, really, a space like this.

And the building...

I thought you weren't gonna say a word.

Didn't he say there's gonna be no words, (Laughs)

And then words just blah-blah-blah.

I like it.

Do you?

Me, too.

I'm just wondering,

is it a bit big for us?

Well, honey, it's not just gonna be us forever.

Oh, honey.

I mean, we got to think about the little ones.

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Doug.

Clyde.

Oh, my God, those are the exact names.

I picked out!

: Honey.

Doug: I mean... Clyde: You remember?

She turned to me and said, "you ever leave me,

I'll kill myself."

Sarah: I said, "I'll kill you."

Is that what it was?

You do like me, huh?

If I could say a few words, if that's fine?

Yeah. Okay.

All right, shoot.

Well, first of all,

I think after Sarah got over her intense

attraction to me...

...She did really well,

settling for her second choice,

Doug guggenheim.

Thank you. Enough

about my unbelievable magnetism,

except to say to the ladies that I am single

and available for one night only, tonight.

Molly? Okay? Okay.

I'll see you there; Start stretching now.

Doug: Inappropriate.

Clyde: I'll get on track, I'm sorry.

Doug guggenheim...

Doug guggenheim is my best friend.

Fuck. I hate to admit it, but it's true, man.

And even harder to admit is... That I admire him.

I'm gonna throw up.

You okay? Ugh, I can feel it

coming up a little bit.

I might really throw up.

I just have never said those words out loud before.

But you know what? It's true.

All of that is true.

I absolutely admire him.

I mean, in this horrible, cynical, dying world,

Doug's utter lack of irony

and his complete and total devotion to Sarah,

his unwillingness to let his fear of the future

topple the love and desire he has to spend

the rest of his life with someone

that he truly cares about-- someone that he truly loves--

I mean, that is something that is completely

foreign to me.

And heroic.

And I'm really, really happy for him.

I'm happy for both of you.

Wow.

Clyde: Uh, let's go.

Put your alcohol in your hand,

raise it, elevate it...

All right. Here we go.

To my best friend Doug

and his beautiful wife Sarah. Aw.

Cheers.

All: Cheers.

Doug and Sarah.

Oh, wow. Well...

I wish you'd told me...

Hey.

Hey.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

Give me a little smile.

You know, pretend that you're enjoying yourself. (Laughs)