Life in Pieces

_

Come on, Gophers!

Why were you wearing a dress in college?

Because, Sam, a man wearing a dress was funny

before it was brave.

Honey, zip me up.

Yeah.

I know this might

seem odd, but the last time

Mount St. Gary's

made it to the tournament, Tim wore this exact same dress

and they won.

It was a Cinderella story.

Huh?

You look like Barbie's confused older brother.

Oh, leave him alone. Our alma mater's winning.

I'm pretty sure it's all because of the dress.

No, it's not all because of the dress.

There's only one way to find out.

Hey now, what an ugly turn of events

- for Mount St. Gary's. - Mm-hmm.

That turnover just cost them their lead.

Mm...

Wow, look at that.

The Gophers knock down a three

and have regained the lead.

- Whoa. - Whoa.

Not sure I want this much power.

Incredible. The 15 seed is about

to upset the number two seed.

Cinderella Mount St. Gary's

advances to the round of 32.

- That's how we do it! Yeah! (whoops) - Oh, no!

Oh, I ripped a big hole in the side of my dress.

Now I look stupid.

Yeah, now you do.

Good thing I carry a sewing kit in my clutch.

I like that color on you, Daddy.

Thank you.

Ooh!

What a charming tea party. But I need you to get going.

Remember? You were gonna take the girls

to the mall today.

Oh. Saddle up, Soph!

Uh, y-you're not gonna go dressed like that, are you?

Stays on till we lose.

Honey,

in college, you only wore the dress during the games.

Right. And we didn't go all the way. I'm not making that mistake

again. Why else would I still be wearing the dress?

Okay.

Well, that makes all of this a little bit less special.

When my dad had a breakdown,

my mom sent him to the country.

He says it's about basketball.

I don't want to wear it... I have to.

Well, you are giving me lots of material for my memoir.

Oh. Oh, oh.

Okay, okay. Flat tire.

Girls, cover your ears.

Are you working Timmy Sherman's sixth birthday, too?

Oh, no! It's for basketball.

Mount St. Gary's.

A Cinderella story?

Oh, yeah. I get it.

I got them in my bracket, so don't take that off.

- No. - Can I help you with that?

Yeah, thanks. Yeah.

Ow. (groans)

Is this yours?

Yes.

It fits. (chuckles)

It's perfect.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I can't believe it's only been two days,

because your dress is ripe.

All right. Come on, Gophers!

Come on! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

We either win or lose this game in the next ten seconds.

I know. Just think, in the next ten seconds,

this could all be over.

Here, touch the hem of my garment for good luck.

- No, I'm good. I'm good. - Touch it, we need a miracle.

Two seconds to go.

Anderson takes the shot.

- Unreal! - (buzzer sounds)

- From midcourt, he makes it. - Oh! Yeah!

- And Mount St. Gary's is going - (whoops) Yes!

To the Sweet 16.

- (humming) - Great!

Oh! How lucky!

Another five days of this!

I know.

I know. My new driver's license photo's gonna be ruined,

but it'll be worth it.

Oh, wow. It just keeps getting better.

Got a man wide open! The alley-oop to Elbroke!

Oh, Elbroke slams it in! And we got a buzzer beater!

Ooh, we got a big upset here! (chuckles)

He passes it off to Renfro. Renfro shoots it from the...

It's caught at the the three-pointer from way...

Heather!

Where is my dress?!

Which one?

Oh, don't you play coy with me.

You know that's just for buying cars.

Okay. I... I-I couldn't stand

to see you in a dress anymore, so

I threw the dress into the Paretskys' backyard,

their dog saw it, came over, cowered a little,

and then he had diarrhea all over it.

What?! Oh, Heather!

Not much of a watchdog.

What? (sighs)

You... oh, Heather.

Another turnover by Mount St. Gary's,

who's down by 20 with time running out.

It wasn't the same Gopher team out there.

It's as if they lost their mojo.

Not lost, Jim Nantz! Their mojo was thrown out!

- What a heartbreaking end... - (buzzer sounds)

What? I...

What's that, a gift?

You know, you can't buy my forgiveness with a gift.

Unless it's a deep fryer. Is that a deep fryer?

Do you really think a deep fryer could fit into this box?

I don't know. I just wanted something deep fried.

It's not a deep fryer.

But it'll make you feel just as fat.

A new Cinderella dress.

It's for next year. And...

to give us a little extra help,

I got a little something for myself.

This way, we can be ridiculous together.

_

You ever think there'll be a day where the baby monitor

will wake us up by saying, "Hello, Mom and Dad.

I am in need of assistance."

Yeah. Or like, "You know what,

I'll go to work. You guys stay in and wet your pants all day."

: Sign it, Greg!

Also, you have

to give me $14 for the gift.

We got the boss shot glasses

for every day of the week, but Friday's is bigger.

Oh. Uh, no. This is, uh...

Sorry. You're gonna have to come back to me.

It's too much pressure to be the first to sign.

You handle thousands of dollars in crowdfunding every day.

I think you can handle a birthday card.

Right.

Chase is in a bad mood.

He gave up carbs, dairy, and Sugar.

Oh, not sugar the food. Sugar the woman who waters the plants.

His wife caught Chase fertilizing her.

Get it?

Yes.

Just... no pressure.

None.

Just... make it good.

Greg, your birthday wishes

are thoughtful, poignant... and hilarious.

I'm not even sure what I wrote. (chuckles)

Well, it makes me want to be a better man,

and it gives me a chubster in the downstairs area.

Where's Mailroom Mark?

Here, sir.

I got some news for you.

Your mom was Copy Room Janet,

and you're my son.

Dad!

Oh! (laughs)

You're so creative, Greg. I'm tired of funding

other people's stupid dreams here.

It's time you crowdfund one of your own.

W... I-I've thought the same thing.

Of course you have. It's your fantasy.

Greg!

Greg, hurry up.

I've got some tilapia in the microwave.

I-I just... don't want to make it seem like

I'm trying too hard.

Greg, is this your idea of a joke?

I...

I don't remember what I wrote.

That's him. You didn't write anything.

There's just a drawing here of a man with a very large nose

and big, hairy eyes underneath.

Gross.

Chase, this has got to be some sort of...

Oh, clean out your desk, Greg.

And don't bother coming home.

Mom?

Matt was always my favorite.

Dad.

I have no son.

No, Dad...

Hmm? Okay, I have one son.

It's over, Greg. I've moved on.