Tumse Na Ho Payega (तुमसे न हो पाएगा)

Shit!

TO FIVE YEARS OF GETTING SCREWED #iHateMyJob.

TO FIVE YEARS OF SHEER BLISS #iLoveMyJob.

Damn!

We live double lives.

One that we are living...

- Good night, sir. - Yes, good night. Good night.

Motherfucker!

And the other that we're portraying.

Sir, you're working pretty late these days.

- I love the job. - You ought to, sir.

Asshole!

But why the pretence?

To impress society.

So that society perceives us as happy, cool and successful.

If you want to grow in this company,

you need to make sure that your targets are achieved, okay?

Happy, cool and successful my ass!

Take social media updates, for instance.

Neerav Shah checked in to the Emirates Business Class lounge.

What was the need for this stupid update?

So everyone knows

that Neerav has gotten ahead in the race of life.

Look at this! "Having breakfast at Taj Lands End!"

Let Mishra and Shrivastav know that I dine at five-star hotels too!

Great!

"Travelling from."

"Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj Terminal to Miami."

This is just the beginning.

He'll post photos

for as long as he's there and make everyone jealous.

What a lovely surprise!

Scrambled eggs by hubby at sunrise!

Here's the close, the mid and the wide.

She's not telling her friends, but rubbing it in their faces.

"Look! My husband loves me to bits."

"Love..."

Scram! Bloody fuck!

Parents think they have a keen eye for talent

and their children are gunners.

In a ya came first in the lemon and spoon race.

#proud moment.

Everyone has a healthy lifestyle these days.

Munching on some soya tikka with nachani roti.

Oh, just drop dead!

Preparing for the marathon.

Running the marathon.

Finished the marathon.

Beat it, dickhead!

I wasn't talking to you.

As you saw, everyone is happy, cool and successful.

This is a lie as well as the sordid truth.

I have 1,567 friends on Facebook, but just 2 in real life.

Malhotra, aka Mal.

And Vaghela, aka Vaghela.

Just these two stood by me in all my troubles.

Not to mention they brought those troubles upon me!

- Boys! - Yeah!

Thank you.

So, how's work going?

Meh, I get by.

- What about you? - Same.

- And you? - Same old.

But if someone else were to ask the same question...

Hey! How's it going, guys?

Devika.

I had a crush on her in grade five.

We became fast friends in the eighth grade.

And now...

I'm just a Facebook friend.

Look, Devika is here!

Shall we see who she brought along?

- That jackass Arjun! - That asshole Arjun!

That butthead Arjun!

As kids, Pythagoras, Einstein and Newton didn't fuck us over

- as much as Arjun did. - On your marks, get set, go!

Arjun was never a step ahead,

but a kilometre ahead of us.

While we clapped,

he strummed the guitar.

We'd be elated if we scored 75%.

He'd cry even after securing 98%.

We sucked on lollipops

while that bugger devoured books.

We role-played trees

while he played the prince.

And ever since that day,

Arjun has been society's gold standard.

Whereas we are categorised as bloody substandard.

Come.

He's headed here.

I bet he needs a favour.

Guys, relax. Devika is with him.

It's not like she's our sister-in-law.

"Devika is with him." Dickhead!

Hi, guys.

- Hi, Devika. - Hi, Devika.

- Hello, Arjun. - Hello, Arjun.

Hi, guys. Can you do me a favour?

Could you drop Devika home?

An urgent meeting just came up,

or I would have dropped her off in my chauffeur-driven Mercedes.

She's with you, so you drop her.

Why should we leave our booze?

Come on, man!

No one's asking you to drop me right now.

Besides, who wants to go home so soon?

Carry on, we'll drop her.

In our driver-driven Ola!

I owe you guys one.

- Sam! - Yes, sir?

- Shots! - Okay, sir.

Put it on my tab.

There's no need for that.

There is, Mal.

It's your chance to have some good liquor, buddy!

- Are you fucking sponsoring, buddy? - Mal...

Okay, come on. Let's take a selfie.

- Let's take a selfie. - Selfie?

He's an asshole. Ignore him.

Nice!

- Babe, WhatsApp me the selfie. Okay? - Okay.

Bye.

Bye, guys.

Thanks.

- Let's get a round of shots. - Asshole.

He'll post this pic on Facebook and show off

that he left an amazing party for work.

You'll engage bots to help him get fake likes.

- Right? - Mal...

I don't help him. I do it for celebs. Okay?

Besides, it's my job.

And hang on.

At least I don't do stupid coding and hack cheap porn sites like you!

- Devika... - Hang on a minute.

What's wrong with it?

This has been the norm for ages.

Earlier, we sought appreciation from the people around us.

Now, we do the same thing online on social media. Right?

Guys, shots.

How long have you been dating Arjun?

Around two to three months.

A few months!

Gosh! Why didn't you tell Gaurav?

He's hurt.

- Guys, will you shut up? - Shush!

Listen, Devika.

Is Arjun your fourth boyfriend?

Fifth.

Shit.

You're not even in the top five.

- Sorry. - Will you zip it for two minutes?

Was Arjun the only guy you could find in the world?

I'm not marrying him; We're just dating.

She's dating a nut!

He's really not that bad.

- Really? - Yeah.

I mean... he's good-looking.

Arjun-1, Gaurav-0.

He works in a reputed company.

- Arjun-2, Gaurav-0. - 0.

He draws a hefty salary.

- Arjun-3 and Gaurav... - 0.

Your dad won't approve of him.

Dad!

He loves him. Dad loves him!

And that's an own goal.

Arjun stands at 4 and Gaurav, a big fat goose egg!

Gone with the wind.

- Double zero, zilch! - Guys, I can hear everything. Stop.

That was the intention, darling.

Fuck!

- Fuck! You guys are impossible, man! - It's okay.

- Bro, we'll win next time. - Piss off.

Tell me more about Arjun.

He's got a great sense of style...

- Bloody Arjun! - How much is it?

What?

Yes. Arjun-21 and Gaurav...

- What's Gaurav's score? - 0.

The fare, dumb-ass!

When life isn't fair,

why bother with the fare?

All right.

- Bye. - Bye, guys.

- See you. - Love you too, Devika.

Fuck off, Mal.

Go.

Oye!

Go, get her.

What the hell, man!

Every mother knows when her son has been drinking.

And every son knows

that his mother is aware that he has been drinking.

But they both act as if nothing has happened.

Please don't stay up late for my sake.

If you're so concerned about me, then come home early.

Wake me up in the morning. I have to reach the office at 8 a.m.

Working on Sundays as well?

Call my boss and ask him