Orange Is the New Black

The doctor recommends a bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy.

Who doesn't love a surgery with "ooph" in it?

Yeah, well, uh...

the, uh, DOC has set certain limits on invasive...

It's not gonna happen.

You're not out of options. We'll stick with the chemo.

"We"?

You got cancer in your ovaries, too?

I'm your counselor. I'm here to help you through this.

There is no "through this."

I'm gonna die.

Hey. Come on, now. You could live for years.

- That's a fucking lie. - Language!

Look, I know this is difficult for you.

My cousin had lung cancer. It didn't look good for him,

but he stuck with the chemo and now he's back fixing roofs in Oneonta.

Lucky duck, your cousin.

Me? Dead duck.

You have to try to remain positive. No one knows the future.

Doctors know the future.

They think I need the surgery.

I wish I could help you.

But it's out of your hands. It's always out of your hands.

You're all the same...

useless.

Rosa, I got food in my teeth?

You worried they won't find you pretty? Jesus, Marco.

You're the one who put spinach in the eggs!

Which were delicious, by the way.

Thank you, baby.

Wait, you do got a piece. Lemme...

There. Perfect.

This is for you.

Oh, Jesus, Marco.

You're gonna do great.

Everybody's nervous the first time. But then you learn to love it, right?

- Okay? - Mmm-hmm. Okay.

Don't forget your sunglasses.

Ahora sí?

We kiss before, we kiss again after.

Okay.

Let's do it!

- Suits, on the floor! - Down! Okay!

In the bag.

Just stay down.

No dye packs. Don't want no Smurf money.

Hurry up!

Faster.

Fill the bag.

Let's get out of here.

We're out, babe.

Don't!

Guard!

How could you not load my fucking gun?

What good is an empty gun at a bank robbery?

Makes you look cool.

You don't trust me.

Guns are dangerous.

That's the point!

Aw, baby. Don't be mad at me. Look at all this money.

Smell that.

- It smells wonderful. - Oh, baby. It's amazing.

Better than Drakkar Noir.

Oh, my God.

You're bleeding!

We gotta get him to a hospital!

He got hit?

How bad is it, Marco?

We could take him to that vet.

Where's the veterinarian?

Why aren't we going to the veterinarian, Andy?

Marco.

What do we do Marco, tell me?

First give me my after kiss. We kiss before, we kiss again...

You'll be okay.

You're so strong.

Be strong for me, my love.

Marco?

Looking good, Red. You got a green thumb. Look at this.

It's not rocket science.

What's that?

Oh.

I was thinking I could take a little area for my own guys to bust out a little.

What are you planting?

Vegetables.

Don't worry, I'll take care of 'em myself.

Come in in the morning, I'll sing 'em a little song...

Every morning?

When it gets warmer, I'll move 'em outside.

Are you sure it's not too early?

Because if they grow too big in here, they might not transplant well.

It's just little bitch vegetables like squash.

Broccoli is no pussy.

Don't worry, I know what I'm talking about.

This pot is way too big for this seedling.

You gotta make sure you're getting proper drainage here...

Don't!

That's Jimmy's pot. It's a bean stalk.

She thought she was going to steal a harp from a giant.

It was a whole... just...

Okay.

If you're worried about the drainage,

maybe you could buy me some smaller pots.

Yeah. They'll probably do just fine.

Leave your seeds. I'll get your plants going.

Nah. Truth is, I like doing it myself.

Therapeutic.

See you tomorrow.

Good job.

I have to say, there is something gratifying about this, you know?

Washing someone else's clothes, being of service to another human being.

Well, just wait till you come across some of them period-soaked panties

or the shit stains on the undies and see how gratified you are.

I get what you're saying, Soso.

Taking something dirty, making it not dirty no more.

And speaking of washin'.

You see they got a new kind of deodorant down at commissary?

Powder fresh scent.

- Is that right? - Yeah.

Yeah, I may have to go check that out.

Guys, antiperspirant is so bad for you.

You know, it's completely toxic.

Our bodies are meant to breathe free.

Breathe, yeah.

Yeah. You know, that makes me wish

that we had some windows down here so we could air out the place, you know?

Yeah, they're trying to say you stink.

I do?

We know it's hard to get out of that depression funk thing

when you first get here but...

You reek.

Go take a shower.

All right, Tucky. Lay off.

Excuse me? Leanne, you lay off.

'Cause the Leanne I knew would've told this dirty hippie

to go wash her hairy pits and her parts.

But instead, you're off making new friends now, aren't ya?

Hmm. How's that going?

Can't imagine well,

because a real friend doesn't have to dance around the subject.

And a real friend just tells it like it is.

Watch and learn.

You smell like a fucking turtle tank. Go take a fucking shower.

You try washing an 80-year-old woman

when she's forgotten to shower for a month.

Strange things grow in the folds.

We hid Jimmy's condition for years.

Spent half our days tracking her down when she wandered,

trying to get her back in time for count,

watching her get worse every day.

How is she gonna eat? How is she gonna take care of herself?

She'll end up on the street and then...

My guess, dead in a week.

Oh...

Don't get us wrong, it's disgusting what they done,

and she is, was, a lovely woman.

So compassionate release is really just a dump and run?

More like dump and sidle away like the sneaky, shitty spiders they are.

I know this guy, a reporter. He might be able to help.

"Demented Granny Set Free," ain't a sexy headline and it ain't news.

No one gives a shit about old ladies.

We remind everyone that they're gonna die.

I don't feel that way.

I find it comforting to be around old people.

Glad we could be of service.

My grandmother is dying.

Sorry to hear that.

She taught me how to knit.

I made a blanket for my stuffed monkey.

It took me six months.

And then my mother sold it at a yard sale for a quarter.

Your mum sounds like a twat.

She can be.

But not my grandmother, no.

When Granddad died, she taught herself how to invest in the stock market

and got really, really good at it.

She bought herself a house in Wellfleet and...

she started kayaking.

She always used to say to me, "Go out and eat the world, Piper.

"Don't you get stuck at home with some man."

I may have taken that last part too literally.

Chapman.

Let me guess,

"Dear Miss Chapman, no one gets furlough.

"Not you, not anyone, but especially not you.

"Love, the DOC." Am I warm?

- Got your furlough. - Funny.

Hey, watch the sarcasm.

I made a few phone calls, moved the process along.

You get to go and say goodbye to your nana.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Are you... Are you serious?

Don't ask questions, Chapman. Just say, "Thank you."

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Healy. Thank you.

Okay. You're welcome.

You're welcome, Chapman. You're welcome.

Did... Did he say furlough?