American Dad!

Why do we have a damn bell?!

This is a college!

Sorry I'm late.

The dean is getting his ass kicked

in the parking lot.

It's so messed up. Nobody is stopping to help.

Yeesh. So this is old Corpsey herself?

What'd, they leave her out in the sun?

Oh, I didn't miss anything, did I?

I was just trying to catch a little catnap

before class started.

Going on is what?

Hayley, this is our new lab partner.

She's a SNAB.

A Student of Notable Age or Background.

And her name's Anus.

Eunice.

Yahh!

Dammit!

98 years old,

and you're going back to college.

You're never too old to follow your dreams.

I find that so inspiring.

I'll tell you what I find inspiring.

The student bodies.

Sweet Georgia Brown.

I happen to have an interest in the fellas and the gals.

Damn, old lady!

And another thing about my new friend Eunice...

another thing is, she is so funny.

Check out this hilarious picture of us

pretending to hump the tope-liary animals

out front of the Women's Center.

You didn't tell us she was an old age person.

Barf City, population no thank you.

Now, Francine,

I too was once put off by old people,

but then I had an adventure about them

that changed my mind.

I'm always having adventures

and learning life-changing lessons from them.

This week, I'm converting our mud room into a man cave.

I wonder what I'll learn from that.

Well, I say, "Go young or go home."

No old-o.

Well, I think Eunice is a deeply inspirational SNAB.

And I hope I'm just like her when I get old.

Oh, you're not going to be like Eunice.

You're going to be like... your mom.

Pff. Sha-yeah-hah right.

It's fate.

Every woman eventually becomes her mother.

- Will I become my mother? - No.

Every man marries his mother.

Noice.

Hayley, think of all the ways

you're already like Francine.

Laid-back, except for quick bursts of anger.

Lazy.

Heavy substance abuse.

For you, weed.

For Francine, collectible Guardians of the Galaxy

Big Gulp cups full of white wine.

You should consider yourself lucky, Hayley.

This is Francine we're talking about here.

I'm an icon.

I'm sorry, but me become like you?

Gross.

It's like, Barf City, population no thank you.

Oh, see, right there?

Francine just said that like two minutes ago!

No, she didn't. Barf City,

population no thank you.

Roger, why were you recording us?

I'm recording everything these days.

I'm afraid the political atmosphere

inside my improv team, Pizza Party Weekend,

has me... a bit paranoid.

There's snakes in the grass.

Certain members want me out.

- Which ones? - All of them.

Every single one of them.

Well, Hayley, too bad for you

that you're gonna end up being like me,

whether you like it or not.

Now, I see it's time for my 10:00 AM nap, so...

Here comes another one

of your obnoxious little sayings.

Give Momma some sugar

so she can have them sweet dreams.

Barfsylvania...

Population nothankyula.

Oh! You don't have a big squiggly mustache!

For the last time, Jeff, we are listing the ways

I am different from my mom, not Wario.

Oh, Hayley!

Looky what I found in the old picture album.

You can barely tell us apart.

Yeah, only because you were always trying

to make me a frilly, princessy little clone of yourself.

Oh, excuse me for ever trying to bond with my daughter.

Bond?!

You just wanted your own personal Mini-Me.

Like that Halloween that you went as Mini-Me

and you made me go as Mini-Mini-Me.

But I didn't wanna be Mini-Me.

I wanted to be Minnie Mouse.

Or at least Mini-Minnie Mouse.

But that's what Dad and Steve got to go as!

But it's okay.

Because I couldn't be more different from you.

Oh, yeah?

Why don't you check my old senior picture?

You...

wore a headband, too?

Face it, Hayley.

There's too much of me in you already.

My genes.

My cooking.

My double-jointedness.

You're double-jointed?

Yes.

And so are you!

Toodle-oo, Future Me!

Well, Steve, through ruthless cunning,

I seized control of Pizza Party Weekend

and fired all the other members.

Had to be done. It was a nest of vipers.

A den of... vipers.

Plus, none of them could do characters for crap.

But now I gotta find a whole new team!

What about me and my friends?

Our drunk driving skit got big laughs

at the pre-prom assembly last year.

How was the prom?

It was a bloodbath.

Drunk driving was way up.

I don't know.

Maybe we could do a trial practice,

test the chemistry, play a little Splooch Magooch.

What's that? Classic improv warm-up game.

You don't know Splooch Magooch?

Oh, my God. This is not gonna work.

No way. But I'm up against it.

You're in. All of you.

Full member status. Welcome to the big leagues.

We practice in a public park.

Gotta get rid of my headbands.

No, wait! Mom got rid of hers!

But does that mean I need to keep mine?

CannisterCo?

That's Mom's brand!

Babe?

Are you all right?

No, Jeff! I am definitely not all right!

I have to get rid of anything related to my mom!

What about that dress?

I hereby sentence you to become...

your mother!

If you just had a nightmare,

please don't tell me about it.

No need for both of us to get scared.

Wait a minute. That's it.

A way I'm not anything like my mom.

You.

Oh, she would never marry someone like you.

Almost nobody would.

Thanks, babe.

I'm not becoming my mother.

I'm glad, too.

No offense, but being married to Mrs. S?

Barf City,

population no thank you.

Laid-back except for quick bursts of anger.

Why is this mother Junior Jumble so hard?!

- Gaah! - Lazy.

Oh, man.

I sure am tired

from that quick burst of anger.

Heavy substance abuse.

Oh, my God.

I'm not becoming my mother.

I married her.

Now, give Momma some sugar

so she can have them sweet dreams.

Mrs. S, can I sleep with you and Mr. S tonight?

Hayley realized it's actually me who's like you,

and now she's madder than Wario!

It's you who's like me?

Aren't you happy?

You're not going to become your mom.

Yeah, but I sure as hell don't want

to be married to her, either.

Jeff needs to be de-Francine-ified.

Starting with those beloved golden locks of his.

- Say, where is Jeff? - No idea.

I've been working like a dog

on my man-cave all morning.

That's right. I'm still doing that.

Brother, I need to hydrate.