Evil Bong 420

* No, no, no, no, no

* In the morning or in the night

* When I don't feel so right

* Up through the misty haze

* The green will brighten up my days

* Cloud of smoke to clear my mind

* Just enough to help unwind

* Everywhere I go I take it

* Oh, it's like I can't escape it

* Only thing I need * Thing I need

* Mean, green, wicked weed

* Heaven from the devil's seed

* Fiending for it every day

* You know I want that Mary Jane

* Mean, green, wicked weed

* You've got a hold of me

* Fiending for it every day

* You know I want that Mary Jane

* Light the fire, spark the tree

* Make it a part of me

* Think of all the life it breathes

* Just growing from those little seeds

* I need my smoke today

* Work too hard, get home late

* I just need a break

* Oh, one more toke that I can take

* Only thing I need * Thing I need

* Mean, green, wicked weed

* Heaven from the devil's seed

* Fiending for it every day

* You know I want that Mary Jane

* Mean, green, wicked weed

* You've got a hold of me

* Fiending for it every day

* You know I want that Mary Jane *

Oh wow, that's the good shit.

Now I got the munchies!

Yeah, yeah.

Damn, you girls know what I want

before I even

say it.

Wowzers!

Getting kind of boring to be honest.

I mean, don't get me wrong,

this is great and all.

Every fucked up thing I can think of

happens instantly; boobs, murder,

boobs, weed.

Boobs!

Well you musty old sinkhole,

you're mine, you're all mine!

It's gonna be a grand, grand opening.

I'll toke to that.

Hell, I'll toke to anything.

Hey boss.

Boss?

Boss?

Boss!

Oh, I'm the boss. I'm Rabbit.

Rabbit the boss, hi.

Hi.

I'm sorry Phoebe, I just, uh,

it's all so new here.

I forgot.

What can I do for you?

Do you need help with anything before we open?

Uh...

Beer on tap? Check.

- Snacks stacked? - Check!

- Pin setter jacked? - Check!

Fudge packed?

Okay, that's really gross.

But we actually carry that, so,

check.

My balls whacked?

No, uh, you can do that yourself.

Okay, that's really inappropriate!

Okay, well,

just seeing if you were paying attention.

And you passed the test by the way.

Okay, whatever.

Would you call Darla over here for a moment please?

I'd like a word with the two of you.

Darla!

Get your sweet ass over here.

Boss wants to prove he's the boss.

You wanted to see me, Rabbit?

I mean, Chief. Actually I wanted to speak

with both of you before things get nutty.

I called upon you both because tonight

is a momentous night.

A kick ass night!

One that will set the tone of this establishment

for years to come.

That's it?

What's what?

Your pep talk.

What else do you need?

Just don't screw up.

- We'll try, I mean- - Try isn't enough.

You have to kick ass tonight, okay?

Didn't you learn anything from my pep talk?

What more could a guy ask for?

A little spontaneity maybe.

What the fuck did you just say

day old Gingerdead?

Nothing.

Hey, where's that dumb shit Rabbit?

Hm, all the weed and witty you can handle

and you're asking for that egg headed moron?

We were supposed to be up for a game of Yahtzee

with the girls.

Now wouldn't you rather play Twister

with these hot pieces of ass?

Every time we play Rabbit always pops a boner.

And you like that shit, huh?

Hell no!

It made me jealous.

Been a long time since I was able to do that.

Woah, TMI!

You stay right there, don't you move a muscle.

I'll go look for that bald motherfucker.

He's the only friend I got in here.

Freak better be playing hide and seek.

I need something to cheer me up.

Ah, ah, oh yeah!

Rub some butter on it, girls.

Glaze me. Oh yeah!

Before you get to it I want to go over

a few things with the both of you.

Being the eyes, ears, and...

You, my highly-esteemed gutter sluts,

are the ambassadors to Licky Split's Lanes.

You are the reason they come in.

The fun is the reason they stay.

But just renting up shoes and balls

is not gonna cut it.

We need to upsell.

Make 'em want more.

Like if someone wanted small shoes,

make them get large ones instead?

No, absolutely not!

I don't have the insurance coverage if

somebody slips and falls and it puts 'em in traction!

He means, like, if a kid wants a soda

sell him a beer, or a Harvey Wallbanger.

Upsell the bastard. Exacta-mundo.

Exact-a-mundo.

You're gonna do very good in this business.

Yeah, she goes all the way.

Your brother's a liar.

- He is not. - So are his friends.

Okay.

I cannot believe this place

hasn't changed in over 25 years.

It's fabulous.

Honey, I do all the talking, not you.

Mm.

Uh, what can I help you with fellas?

Guys.

What can I do you for?

Well, as you probably know, I am cult filmmaker

David Decoto. He's so in.

I once shot a movie here.

Sorority Babes and the Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama.

In 35 millimeter, within these very walls.

I don't really like devil movies.

Me neither, I get so scared.

I just have to snuggle wuggle with whatever's close.

Don't make me handcuff you to the toilet again.

Mm.

- I think they're gay. - Really?

Well, that one.

Well this place has so many memories to me.

I must shoot another movie here.

It has to be this place

because of its haunted history.

It's called: It's a Talking Bowling Ball.

You want to feature my bowling alley

in a movie?

Four or five depending on how the day goes, actually.

Well,

the going rate for most Hollywood types that come

through here is...

$25,000.

Ghoul, please.

- I've got 50 bucks. - I'll take it.

Due to unforeseen circumstances,

my previous business was kind of a bust.

What circumstances?

The crazy bitch tried to kill me.

Anyway, I want you to place these glorious

and functional collectibles around the alley

in seating areas, and make sure everyone

knows they can come up here and

they're for sale at the counter.

What's that for?

Sell drinks to the kids in 'em.

Tell the parents they're sippy cups.

Can do.