Swinging Safari

Hey, check out the Wurlitzer!

How 'bout a bit of Australiana, eh?

This is the Drumtastic 9000.

Auto chords. Yeah, baby!

And now for my big finish -

fire up the Leslie and the subwoofer.

Hey, Gale! Did you hear any of that?

The whole thing's just dynamite!

Oh, I wonder what the poor people are doing today.

Oh, no, you've gotta screw deeper. You gotta screw deeper.

- She'll be right. - Here. Hold this.

Oh, here we go with the umbrella business!

He's parasol paranoid, I'm telling you.

Terrified of umbrellas.

What the hell happened in the 1970s?

A decade with too much time, too much money

and way too much cask wine on its hands.

Stop.

Thanks to a birthday present

that would go on to make me a dishonest living,

I captured everything in the hope that one day

I could edit the madness together

and answer the question -

what was going through our poor misguided heads?

My big home movies starred a bunch of ratbags

who all lived on the same block - Wyong Place.

Wedged in time somewhere

between Penny Lane and Wall Street,

meet three rudderless families who lived, surfed

and spectacularly crossed the line together.

A lot of people to meet in the next few minutes,

but it's not a test.

Just enjoy the slideshow.

One, two, three.

Open your eyes.

Rack off!

The Hall house was a disaster movie in the making.

Gerome Hall was the coolest kid in school.

He was also my stuntman.

And cut!

If this water goes pink again, I'm gonna cop it!

We're fucking on it, alright?!

- Die! Die! - No, don't! Stop!

Arggh!

Gerome's dad couldn't win an egg and spoon race.

Keith Hall rapped his knuckles raw

trying to feed six hungry mouths

with nothing between him and their next meal

but a mangy encyclopedia.

Are you dreaming of a better world?

I'm Keith Hall from Funk & Wagnalls Encyclopedias.

Yours to take home

with only the common cents jingling in your pocket.

With every overly abundant currency vestibule,

you'll receive the next gold-embossed,

cliff-hanging tome that will be delivered...

Gerome! I'm on a bloody call with Mrs. Darlington of Dapto!

Kaye, my sweet?

Please set the table for luncheon.

With her husband going pink in the wash

and her kids' hair going green in the pool,

Kaye Hall didn't leave the house much.

Agoraphobia, like skin cancer and political correctness,

hadn't been invented yet.

Mum!

Kaye and Keith were

the sunburnt centrefolds of Nobby's Beach.

Then... a light went out.

Keith turned to classy porn magazines

like Inspect-Her Gadget,

and Kaye turned to drink with a deafening silence.

Action!

Keira Hall loved the water

and bluebottles loved her back.

That's 'cause her dad said she was special.

Not quite the full quid, are ya?

But you are Daddy's favourite. You will come good.

But they're black ones. I don't like black ones.

Nobody likes the black ones, love.

Nah, that was terrible. You're going down there...

OW!

Ow! Unfair, Liam Jones! That really hurt!

Not as much as it's gonna! Suck eggs, grogans!

If the Jones boys were gonna experiment,

they may as well do it at home.

So said their parents, Rick and Jo Jones.

They said Rick Jones was the most fun you could have

with your pants on.

Somebody's gonna get hurt and it's not gonna be me!

The Joneses were the big kahunas on the block -

the biggest house, the biggest car

and the biggest hair.

Rick sold drugs - groundbreaking drugs,

like tanning tablets and Valium.

Drugs that made their way

straight into the gob of his wife.

Jo owned a specialist travel agency.

Travel Exotica.

She didn't have to work. She chose to.

Tahiti looks nice.

Simon? Tahiti!

Jo knew the world was changing

and she didn't want to miss the gravy boat.

Let 'em learn the hard way.

Naaaaahhh!

If you had to pick a superpower -

to fly or be invisible -

which would it be?

The first great love of my life, Melissa Jones,

chose invisibility.

She was the lost girl that only I could see.

Our fates were sealed by secrets so terrible

nobody dared talk about it.

We were the first generation to wear fully synthetic fabrics.

We were also... the last.

Shit!

Oh, my goodness! The kids!

That famous election night left us both scarred for life.

Melly and I were the flammable children.

If Melly Jones picked invisibility,

I, Jeff Marsh, chose flight.

One, two, three.

Not too hot, not too cold.

My family was stuck

right in the middle of the cul-de-sac.

For cryin' out loud, Gerome!

You're soarin' poor bloody Sandy!

Mr. Marsh, you're gonna need a bigger boat.

Nick off, will you?

My dad, Bob Marsh, loved playing the organ - badly.

He worked for a successful American gadget importer -

K-Tel.

Order now and you'll receive a bonus set of steak knives

absolutely free!

Needless to say, there were no surprises on Christmas Day.

Gee, you shouldn't have.

Trace-0-Matic Mark 2!

Uh-oh. Foot odour.

Oh, here she comes. Welcome, Sleeping Beauty.

Oh, I wonder who this is for. Oh, it's for me!

Thank you, darling.

Not on the carpet! It stains.

But wait - there's more!

Hey, Mum?

- I'm talking to the girls! - Mum!

Clean your room! The cleaner's coming!

Let's go.

My dear mum, Gale, was outgoing.

She kept herself busy doing...

...well, actually, we don't really know what she did,

but we did know that she loved three things especially.

You cannot be serious!

Tennis, shopping and chatter.

I mean, John McEnroe!

My big sister, Bec, was also 'outgoing'.

The family doctor said she was very... active.

Evonne Goolagong is an Aboriginal.

She's just a young native.

But she's just fucking gold! It's extraordinary.

After the boredom of a six-hour shopping marathon,

Kmart kryptonite appeared

in the form of important, life-changing foreign cinema.

Come on down and chum some of this shit!

That stupid shopping centre gave me something

I didn't even know I was getting -

an education.

My superpower exploded

in the form of a mighty Super 8 camera.

I was armed with a weapon so powerful

I could make boys like Gerome do anything I wanted.

And these three families collided every weekend

in the sand that time and taste forgot.

Bluebottles in the water!

Want a top-up, ladies?

- Oh, yes! - Oh, yes, please!

Oh, you've gotta love a wine box.

You never know how much you've drunk!

Well, you know what they say, don't you? A happy wife...

A happy, long life.

Ooh, mate. That's good.

That's good.

Rooster? Sweetie, could you pick that up for me?

- Oh, sure, no worries, Mrs. J. - Ooh!

Now we know why they call it baby oil.

Yeah, you could pop it in the oven.

Eat as much as you can, boys.

Kentucky Fried Crumble!

Boys, get in!

Don't do that, boys! You know they're deadly.

Muuuummm!

Muuummm!

Urine counteracts. Toilets!

- No! Please don't pee on me! - Come on!

Please don't pee on me again!

No! No going in the water

till the whole drumstick goes down, alright?

Oh, stop being a water Nazi.

Go on. Off you go. Knock yourself out.

Love you, Dad!

What now?