The Middle

Halloween--

the most terrifying time of the year,

where frightening horrors lurk around every corner.

I got my learners permit!

Aah!

I'm 18! I get to pick the president!

Aah!

I signed you up to work at the Halloween fair.

Aah!

Brick, why would you volunteer me at school?

You know the line-- "sorry, my mom works long hours.

We hardly ever see her." I made you memorize it.

Well, I thought it was okay since you're not working now. (Door opens)

You didn't tell people that, did you?

If they know I'm not working,

I'm gonna get calls for everything.

Mike, do not answer the phone.

Never do.

Maintaining safe speed.

Uh-oh. Obstruction in the road.

Checking mirrors. Applying brake.

Beep!

Checking mirrors.

Re-entering traffic.

Enough practicing, Sue!

You're gonna have to learn to drive a real car.

I'm not driving you around forever

listening to one direction.

I'm starting to like a couple of those songs.

You guys...

after my near-death experience

accidentally driving the Donahues' car,

I am not getting behind the wheel again

until I feel completely prepared for any situation.

Hey, Sue. Just a heads up,

traffic in the family room is horrible.

Good tip.

I'll take the hallway.

(Man's voice moans diabolically) Hey, Brick,

what's this I got in the mail that you didn't?

Oh! It's a voter guide,

sent personally to me, Axl Redford Heck,

signifying my readiness to take my rightful place

among the adult,

president-choosing citizens of our country.

Do you even know who you're voting for?

Not yet. I'll wait till I hear 'em all sing,

and then I'll text in my choice.

Good idea. Your vote shouldn't count anyway.

Eh, good enough.

Hi, Frankie!

I see a happy Halloween in your future!

Oh, Nancy, you look great!

Oh, thanks.

I saw it in a catalog, sewed it myself,

and saved 14 bucks.

And you look...

Well, I already got halfway dressed,

and I couldn't find the rest of my costume,

so, yep. I'm raggedy mouse.

(Clinks)

I think it's fantastic. Very creative.

Thank you!

You know, I cannot get it up for Halloween this year.

I think losing my job and starting school--

it just all feels like too much.

I'm supposed to take Brick trick-or-treating.

I just want to open a box of wine

and stay home.

Oh, I'll take him for you.

I'm taking Dottie and Shelly already,

so it would be no trouble to have Brick come along.

Oh, really? I could pawn him off on you?

You don't think that makes me a bad mom?

I don't think that does, no.

We're not exactly moving a lot of fish here.

What happens to all the leftovers?

I know times are tough,

but I'm not eating goldfish for dinner.

Well, apparently, fish mom gets to bring home the fish.

Mm. Fish mom should take 'em down the hall

to porcelain pond.

Check me out. Just read this whole book, cover to cover.

Wow. First "Cat In The Hat," and now this.

Hey, you told me to get informed.

But this is, like, way harder than I thought it was gonna be.

Seriously, sheriff? How do you pick?

I like this guy 'cause he's serious about crime.

But then this other guy's gonna get tough on crime.

(Inhales sharply, blows raspberry)

What sheriff are you guys gonna vote for?

Uh, we haven't really made up our minds yet.

What about the city council?

You liking Paul Delvecchio or Jennifer Farley?

Yeah, I'm leaning toward Delvecchio.

Oh, are you? Are you really?

'Cause they're both people from Jersey Shore.

You guys haven't even looked at this, have you?

Okay, so maybe we don't always vote for the little offices,

but we vote for the big guys, like president.

You know, maybe it's a good thing

that he's studying up on the sheriffs.

He's never gonna meet a president,

but I bet money you're gonna run into a sheriff some day.

Might want to take a look at those judges, too.

You two are what's wrong with America.

Maybe he's right.

Mom, dad,

I have done a lot of driving practice,

and I think I am finally ready to take the next step.

Finally. About time you get out there and--

Picking a keychain!

Which one do you guys like?

I've been collecting them over the years,

and now that I'm gonna drive, it's finally time to choose.

This one's "one direction." "I 'heart' New York."

I've got, like, four "Brown County" ones.

This one says "I'm going commando."

I don't really get it, but I do support the military.

Why don't you take the one shaped like a key

and put it in the ignition?

I just want to be prepared.

I'm not ready.

I can't even narrow my keychains down to a top three.

Sue, you are ready.

Remember when you didn't want to take your training wheels

off your bike, and we made you?

What happened then?

Oh, my God.

This situation is very similar to that situation.

I can do this.

I am gonna go drive a car.

Aah ha!

I'll be waiting outside.

Oh, no.

You're the one that gave the great speech. Get out there.

Rock paper scissors?

I worked the fish booth. Have fun.

I thought mom was coming with me.

Well, we rock-paper-scissored for it.

And you won?

Sure. Let's go with that.

Okay. Start her up.

Aah!

Okay. Now put it in reverse.

Dad, hold on. I have to go through my checklist first.

Mirrors... check.

Signal...

Check.

Wipers...

Check.

How are the weather conditions?

We're not flying cross-country.

We're going around the block.

This is my process.

Hands at 10:00 and 2:00... Check.

Dad, I saw that. You're making me nervous.

I don't want you looking at me. Look away.

What?

Look away.

Is the brake in the right position?

How am I supposed to tell when I'm looking away?

Okay, you can look, and then look away.

Okay, Sue, this is nuts.

You do realize when you're out on the road,

other drivers are gonna be watching you?

That's the deal with driving. Everybody looks at each other.

I just want to be prepared for every single possible situation.

There's a million unpredictable things that can happen.

Well, now you're making me scared.

Well, don't be. When you drive, you have to be confident.

You can't just tell someone to be confident!

Okay, enough. Let's go. You're gonna run out of gas.

Okay, let me just run through my checklist first.

No, no more checklists.

Just go. Come on. Pull out now. Pull out.

- What the hell are you doing?! - Aah!

The car's already going!

I'm s-- it's-- I just thought--

- Aah! - Okay-- mm.

I'm never driving with you again!

Wha--

So the next day, we tried it again

with a gentler approach.

Can I go over my checklist?

Sure, honey, that's a great idea.

Whatever makes you comfortable.

Brakes... check.

Mirrors...

Check.

Signals...

Check.

This is gonna be fun, huh?

A couple of chicks out driving like "Thelma & Louise."

I mean the beginning of that movie, but...

You know what? Don't see it.

All right, then. Here we go.

Why don't you start the car?