Mike & Molly

Door!

Door!

Anybody hear that?!

Mike, I was upstairs.

Well, that's why I yelled.

Hey, thank you.

Oh, not that you deserve this,

but I think this is your present.

Okay, I'm not even gonna try to fake it.

I forgot all about whatever special day it is,

every day with you is a gift.

No special day, but...

I just wanted to get you something.

I know how you love the gadgets.

Oh, is it one of those new Dick Tracy phone watches?

Me and Carl been dying to get 'em.

Better.

It's a step counter.

Oh.

Huh?

You know how you're always talking about taking more walks

and getting into better shape.

Eh, doesn't sound like me, but go on.

No, w-with this, you can track every mile you walk every day.

Ah, you mean you can track every mile I don't walk every day.

No. No.

I mean, I can.

But that's... it's not why I'm getting it.

I mean, I'm getting it so we can do it together.

Look.

It's got a twinsie.

Wow, that is so cute.

I don't want to wear it.

Well, listen.

I know I can't make you do

anything that you don't want to do.

Yes, you can.

No.

No, I can't.

'Cause you are too smart and too handsome

and... and too powerful.

Just give me it.

32, 33, 34, 35,

36, 37, 38, 39, 40.

All right.

So it's 40 steps from the car to here.

What's your total for the day?

52.

What? How the hell

did you only walk 12 steps at the station house?

Well, easy, our desk chairs have wheels.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Our freezer broke, so the soup of the day is ice cream.

Uh, just dry toast for me. Really?

Well, I may not be getting in as many steps as I want,

but I am still trying to watch what I eat.

Oh, good for you. Uh, I, on the other hand,

ran six miles this morning, so I'm-a have the BLT

with pistachio... "gazpach-io."

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Now, make sure that that's wheat toast and not white.

White bread is mostly sugar,

which we all know is basically poison.

Got it, hold the poison.

Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on.

Uh, I did read somewhere that butter is now good for us again,

so, uh, a little bit of butter, but no jelly.

So just bread and butter?

And bacon.

Yeah.

Because I need protein for energy.

And, you know, I should probably have some vegetables.

Perhaps lettuce and tomato?

That could work.

So one BLT and one order

of toast with bacon, lettuce and tomato.

And butter.

What?

Have you noticed how good your wife looks?

Yeah, so?

I thought the two of you were supposed

to be on the same program.

Look, she's had a head start.

She's been walking for weeks.

Besides, we're not gonna share the same results

due to my thick blood.

Your thick blood?

Yeah, it doesn't flow through my veins

as quick as other people,

so calories don't burn off at the same rate.

I can't fight science.

How do you think Molly feels

when she's out there stepping up her game,

and you're in here buttering your bacon?

I guess she would like it

if I showed a little more effort. That's right.

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for the ones you love.

Samuel!

You're always bellyaching about being on your feet all day.

See what kind of numbers you throw up.

I'll pick it up after work.

Seriously?

Like you said, it's for Molly.

Nice walk, ladies.

Ooh, two miles, 33 minutes.

Let's see if we can get it under 30 on the way home.

I'm pretty sure I will 'cause I'm taking a cab.

Oh, come on.

You got to admit, once you start moving, it's kind of fun.

Hey, marching band, at ease.

In a second.

I don't like sitting down

until my numbers end in an even number.

And...

got it.

Oh, wait, no, not got it.

And... got it.

No, I don't. Okay, wait a minute.

Got it! Got it.

You don't think you're getting

just a little bit obsessive about that gadget?

Yes, and that's the beauty of it.

I want to please it and make it proud of me.

I'm proud of you.

Oh, see, that does nothing for me.

You know, I was thinking, maybe we could take

one of those walking vacations.

Like hiking the hills of Tuscany

or climbing Machu Picchu.

"We" who?

Me and Mike.

Mike who? Mi...

Mike Mike, my husband.

Sweetie, I don't want to pee on your parade,

but I don't see him as the climbing type.

Yeah, I see him more as a burrowing creature.

No, he's coming along. You know, at his own pace.

He's just a little slower 'cause of his thick blood.

Thick what?

I don't know.

I mean, it's a whole thing.

He'd have to explain it to you.

I think it's sweet that you believe in him. Thank you.

Even though he's given you no reason to at all.

Oh.

Ooh, the boss is buzzing.

Okay, ladies, take those to go.

We got to get a move on.

Ooh, she is in a mood!

Vince, is Molly home?

No, she's out walking with the girls.

What do you know about electronics?

Let's put it this way:

I pushed the wrong button on the remote

and been stuck watching Law & Order

with Spanish subtitles for the last hour.

Damn it.

¿Que es su problema?

It's this damn step counter. I got to figure out

a way to change the numbers.

You're not gonna like my suggestion, but how about walk?

No, I need to make the number lower.

I-I put it on Samuel and apparently he never sits down.

The son of a bitch logged seven miles.

That is not a believable number for you, my friend.

Don't you think I know that?

No, that's why I got to roll back the mileage

before Molly sees it.

Well, unless it's a '67 Buick on your wrist,

I can't help you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey!

There they are. The street walkers.

Guess who just walked 8,213...

No...

14 steps?

Wow, that is great. I'm so proud of you.

Yeah, how'd you do today? With what?

With your walking.

Oh, that is a very good question that has a very sad answer.

I... I lost the damn counter

and I am sick about it.

Oh, that's okay.

And I was doing so good, too. It's true.

He sure was sweating when he came in here.

You know what, just give me your phone. Okay.

Why?

Oh, you just go to the app

and you hit a button and it'll find your wristband.

No, don't do that.

Why not?

Well, because, I mean, maybe whoever found it

needs it more than me.

Oh, God, that poor, poor man.

The call's coming from inside Vince.

Sit up.

never give a broad your phone.

You walked seven miles?

Mike, that is amazing.

How did you find enough time to walk that far?