Grey's Anatomy

Meredith: The way kids feel at Christmas

is a pretty close equivalent

to the way surgeons feel walking into an OR.

It's a complicated mix of anxiety and excitement...

...that makes it almost impossible to sleep.

The anticipation is the best and worst part.

Will this go my way?

Will I get what I want?

Will my patient live?

Will they heal?

Is Santa real?

Stepping into an OR is its own kind of magic.

The possibility that on this day, you might save a life...

I'm going to Minnesota. ...or end it.

In one hour.

I have to talk to Amelia, and it can't wait another day.

I want to be with her on Christmas.

I want our family together on Christmas morning,

so I have to -- I have to tell her I love her

and that I don't need her to marry me right this second.

Right?

I have to go?

You have to go.

Yeah, um, I will watch Scout.

Thank you.

Oh, hey.

You won't be alone on Christmas.

You and Luna will be invited.

Always! You will always be invited.

I do not like waiting, especially for David Hamilton.

Well, I've learned he doesn't really care what people like.

Oh, there they are.

They've cleaned up the place since I've been here last.

Not as drab.

Webber, it's nice to see you again.

David.

Richard, this is Kai Bartley,

the lead neuroscientist on the project.

Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Bartley.

Thanks for accommodating our team

and making Grey-Sloan available on such short notice.

The project's already using my surgeons.

Might as well use my operating room.

You know how it is.

Famous patient,

trailblazing neurosurgery,

futuristic equipment.

Not to mention the great Meredith Grey walking the halls.

The people of Minnesota were asking questions.

It threatened the work.

Well, I hope it works, for your sake and science.

I wish you could observe,

but we can't compromise the secrecy of the technology.

It's essential personnel only.

I have residents to teach.

And I've got pre-op bloodwork to do,

so, Dr. Bartley, Dr. Shepherd, I'll see you at game time.

Thanks again, Webber.

Woman on P.A.: Dr. Brooks to oncology.

Dr. Brooks to oncology.

Famous patient? He's not Bono.

In Minnesota, he's about as close as you can get.

Prince was from Minnesota.

Excuse me.

Hey.

Excuse me, but only doctors who actually work in this hospital

are supposed to be in the lounge.

Security risk.

So, we've all been told to stay away from OR 2.

I suppose that's where the super-secret project

is happening?

Can't say. Security risk.

It's good to see you.

It's good to see you.

How are you doing?

Oh.

The holidays are hard, I know.

My wife loved Christmas.

Like collected nutcrackers kind of loved it.

This time of year for the boys, we just...

We miss her so much, you know?

I'm so sorry.

Hm.

You know...

she might still love Christmas.

So this is going to sound completely ridiculous

and very unscientific,

and I always thought of myself as an atheist,

and I did believe that we start and end with the body,

but when I was sick, I had a dream --

or what I thought was a dream.

I dreamt about Derek on a beach,

and it felt so real.

It felt like it wasn't a dream.

I mean, it felt like... he's here.

Like he's been with me this whole time.

Like he might be here with me now.

And today I'm doing this groundbreaking surgery.

And it's exactly the type of thing

that he would have loved to do.

And in the past, that would have made me sad,

but somehow, I think he might just be here,

hovering over me, watching the whole thing,

soaking it all in.

And that makes me happy.

And please don't tell anyone I'm telling you this,

because I am acutely aware of how ridiculous it sounds.

No, not crazy.

Kind.

It's very kind of you to share that with me, Grey.

You know, I could hear you on the beach, too.

Were you talking to me about my children?

I was.

I heard you, and it helped.

PICU.

Good luck with whatever you're doing today, Grey.

Thank you.

And, um, thank you, Grey.

Maybe I'll go pick up a nutcracker after work

or something.

- Bye. - Bye.

What, you scheduled the lawyer for Friday morning? Mm-hmm.

Oh, I have a sleeve gastrectomy,

and then I'm supposed to have clinic.

I'm still on shift on Thursday morning.

Oh, can you get a sub?

It's the holidays. No.

Um, Monday?

That's next week.

Okay, how are we supposed to fight for Pru

if we can't even fit it into our calendars?

Miranda, we are doing our best in a world of uncertainty.

Mm.

And I will look into getting a sub.

Thank you.

But if I do, will you at least consider

- taking it easy at work? - What?

I just think we need to go spend some time as a family.

We could go look at lights or ice-skate.

Come on. Dean loved Christmas.

Oh, oh. We could go caroling.

We are not going caroling, Benjamin.

Yeah, as soon as the words left my mouth,

I knew you were gonna give me that look. See?

Chief Bailey.

Oh, Dr. Wright. Hey. Happy First Day.

Hey, thank you.

This is my husband, Ben Warren.

- Hey. - Morning. Oh.

Okay, sorry.

Coffee?

Regular or decaf.

I wasn't sure which one you wanted, so I got one of each.

They also had this holiday candy cane thing,

but I felt that was a bit risky.

Yeah, well, I have my morning smoothie, so thank you,

but I'm sure someone around here wants it.

Like me. Regular?

I fight fires. I need this.

Well, I don't want to keep you.

I just wanted to tell you how happy I am

to finally learn from you in person.

- So, uh, see you in there? - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Still got it.

Get out of here.

How are you holding up?

Megan, maybe you should take a break.

Get outside, maybe take a walk, grab a nap.

I can sit with him for a while.

If he doesn't make it, neither do I.

If Farouk dies, I go with him.

I'm not sticking around.

Not interested in surviving another chapter

of earth-shattering pain.

I've survived enough in this life.

I'm not willing to survive this.

Megan...

I'm sorry I said that to you.

I-I just -- I needed to say it to someone,

and it can't be my brother and it can't be my mother

and it can't be Teddy.

I just wanted someone to know that I've loved this life.

Or parts of it. I've loved parts of this life.

But...

I'm just not willing to survive this.

Noah's service was nice. Packed.

Yeah.

You know, some of the guys from the support group

are gonna buy a Christmas tree and some decorations for Danny.

I mean, we -- we could contribute some gifts.

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

Owen, Heather and Danny, eventually, they will be ok--

I know. I know, okay?

I think there's already some relief for Heather,

knowing that he's out of pain.

Winston. 911.

Yeah.

What happened?

15-year-old MVC, suffered a catastrophic brain injury.