Weird Science

Hey, Gunther, what's taking so long?

I'm coming. Don't call me Gunther.

Why not? Gunther's going to get you more babes than Wyatt.

Gunther screams, speed metal, rock drummer.

Hey, can I use your computer?

No way.

- I want to check out this new game. - No. Absolutely not.

Then "No" it is, Gunther.

Welcome to "Virtual Hooters."

Warning: this program contains grap and requires a joystick.

- Are you touching my stuff? - No.

Where's your joystick?

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

Oh... This leather Catwoman suit is making me sweat.

If you'd like to take a shower with me, press F2 now.

I hate to see a woman sweat.

Something's wrong!

Yeah, no hooters.

Where did you get this disk anyway?

This looks like a virus.

It's stuck. It's eating my hard drive!

- Take it out. - Just let me do it.

- Problem solved. - But I had a special tool.

You better pray your disk didn't screw up Lisa's file.

Will you relax?

Where is she?

Don't tell me. I never forget a face.

You okay?

If you'd like to take a shower with me, press F2 now.

She's fine. Now, where's that joystick?

She's sick. She doesn't know who she is or what she's doing.

- Because of the disk? - Yeah, your disk.

- You infected her with a virus. - Maybe it's a 24-hour thing.

- It will get worse. - Any good news?

If I can locate the virus, and if I can debug the program

then maybe she'll be all right but if I can't...

- What? - We may lose her.

You've got to stay in bed till we can fix the virus.

If you feel like throwing up, try to make it into Chett's room.

Can you see the TV okay?

What am I doing in bed? And why are you talking to me like a baby?

- Lisa, you feel better? - I feel fine. Why?

- You blanked out. - We were worried.

Oh, that's sweet. ( Sneezes )

If you'd like to unzip me with your teeth just press F2 now.

Maybe I better stay with her.

We'll be back soon. Try to sleep.

You're very kind, miss.

- Where did you get that disk? - Lubec.

What do you say, guys? Jessica Rabbit video stills.

She's not naked. She's just drawn that way.

You sold me a bogus disk.

I'll make sure someone does something about that.

- We need the original. - I can't help you.

Maybe you'd like your customerso know you've been circulating a virus.

But I heard a dog's mouth was cleaner than a human's.

We're talking about a computer virus.

- Oh, right. - I need the original disk now.

I don't have it. Principal Scampi confiscated it.

# Tingly wet, fresh and clean #

# Crack a smile with gum-tyne #

Somewhere between danger and romance

between love and treachery, there is One Life of Love.

- I don't see him, Brooke. - Maybe he gave up.

Damien will never give up. Do you believe me now, Brooke?

Yes, Michael. I believe everything.

Your amnesia. Your bungled sex-change operation.

Your lactose intolerance. I just hope that it isn't too late for us.

I'll protect you, Brooke.

Even Damien is no match for the power of our love.

I hope your love is stronger than a hollow-tipped bullet.

Damien!

Michael!

I'll always love you, Michael.

I'll always love you, Michael.

Michael!

Oh, Michael!

It's you. You're alive.

- Sorry. Wrong house. - I thought you were dead.

Who are you?

And how long are you staying?

Oh, no. Amnesia!

Oh, Michael. It's me, Brooke. Remember?

The shootout at the wharf? You took a bullet for me.

- Okay. - We have to get out of here now.

Damien will kill you if he sees you alive.

Let's back up. You want me to go away with me?

We can't waste a moment. Gee... I'm a little torn.

On the one hand, you're a babe.

On the other hand you're a complete psycho.

I'll drive.

All right, then, when we get in there let me do the talking.

Don't you think we should beg as a team?

No. I don't. You've done enough with your "Hooter Disk."

It's always Gary's fault. Gary broke the window.

Gary lost the remote. Gary peed in the jacuzzi.

You peed in the jacuzzi?

Gentlemen, you're up.

If we don't get that disk back I could lose all my computer files.

Including one special file that's taught us a lot about life.

Ah, yes. I'm a tetris fan myself.

Boys, I appreciate your dilemma, but allow me to speak frankly.

I am but a cog. Moments after I confiscated that disk it passed

into the hands of another cog in turn passed it

to any one of a million other cogs.

- You don't know where it is? - If I knew that, I'd be a much bigger cog.

If you want to see my tattoo dance, press F2 now.

We'll be safe here.

Damien would never risk shooting you in a public place.

Of course not. Not our old friend Damien.

Now, help me out on this amnesia thing. You and I are...?

- Lovers. - Good answer.

And that means that we, uh... "Rocked the casbah"?

So many times, so many different places.

Hot tub? Mile-high club?

First-class.

Have we ever done it in a restaurant full of a lot of people?

Not yet.

Lisa?

- She's gone! - Relax. She's sick.

- She couldn't have gotten far. - Oh. Right.

She's only a magic genie capable of traveling through time and space.

- We'll split up. - Great! You take time.

- I'll take space. - Flip the computer on and off real fast.

It works on my hair dryer.

That's... That's genius, right up there with jamming scissors in my hard drive.

- Why don't we just whack it with a shovel? - What's your problem?

If we turn off the computer we might never get her back.

You wouldn't know that, 'cause you never listen.

- I listen. - You're Useless. Hey!

That'll be you nickname. You call me "Gunther"

and I'll call you "Useless."

One jumbo iced tea.

See that set of curves over there?

She wants me. She needs me.

She broke into my house just to be near me. Yep.

She's crazy about me... or maybe she's just crazy--

You know, one of those Black Widow ladies

who pick some schmo out of the blue and lures them

into her web with that sweet smile. Then...

Next thing you know, she's feeding on your carcass

- and you never saw it coming. - Michael.

Coming, sweet-ums.

Let me see if I've got this straight. Your stepmother has a love child

by my dad before they escaped from prison?

No. During. But don't worry. You'll get your memory back.

You know what would really jog my memory?

- A tongue bath. - Michael, look at you.

You're not a tough guy. It's just a mask.

You're trying to cover the pain you felt growing up in the barrio.

- In the barrio. - Underneath, I know who you really are.

- You do? - You're kind and sensitive,

selfless, peace-loving and wonderful with small forest animals.

- You see that in me? - You're everything I want, darling?

- You're my perfect man. - So it doesn't bother you that...

I'm unemployed... collect guns and... live with my parents?

No. It shows me that you love your family.