Rasbhari

Meerut.

Tell me, Nand from Meerut.

What's so special about that place?

Dude, I myself am special.

Really?

Have you done anything special in Meerut?

No, I haven't.

But something special happened to me over there.

Care to know what happened in Meerut?

This story is about Meerut and me.

So, let me begin the story from my house.

Mother of Nand...

...your superstition has no limits.

Doing this every morning...

...has not prevented any untoward events from happening.

We live in a dangerous city.

You sell lingerie for a living.

What if a school girl or a college-going bombshell...

...or any other lady bewitch you with her beauty?

We've been married for 17 years now.

If I could have been bewitched, I would have by now.

You've no idea what sort of a city this is.

It's Meerut.

Meerut.

Like every other small city...

...Meerut too, is very laid-back.

Guruji, greetings.

How was your journey?

Son, may you live long.

Guruji, did you find a solution?

Did I find a solution?

Of course I did!

I picked a black crow from a burial ground...

...and rubbed the hair from a black dog's tail on its beak...

...to prepare this powder.

Take it.

Mix this in a cold drink and offer it to the woman of your choice.

Then within three days...

...that woman will...

...completely surrender herself to you.

Guruji, I feel blessed!

But the men from Meerut...

...get a kick out of only one thing.

Scoundrels!

The Delhi intercity train isn't a girl from your class...

That you can ride on whenever you want

Hold on, sir.

This is my ear, not your wife's skirt...

...that you can tug it whenever you want

You...

Their minds and eyes can be distracted by only one thing.

And only one thing can blow their minds away.

Now that thing had arrived in Meerut.

the women of Meerut are cursed...

...that their house will be ruined by another woman.

- You shouldn't have done that. - Shut up.

When Vipul said "I love you" to you...

- ...you ran off! - Yes, but Nand is a good boy.

Tell me, why would someone wear a designer panty...

...if they didn't intend to show it?

I swear, my pen was on the floor.

When I went under the table to pick it up...

...I spotted it.

- And then? - Then what?

After taking a good look at Mickey, I got up...

...only to find her staring at me.

I was too shy to look at her.

We don't get to see that every day!

But Priyanka saw the whole thing...

...and she ran to the Principal to complain.

I told the Principal that Nand has crossed the line.

Priyanka, you're so mean.

He took admission in our school for your sake.

Nonsense!

He was in an all-boys school before.

Since he was desperate for girls, he joined ours.

I'm sure he must have hit on a thousand girls before me.

You don't have a girlfriend, Nand

I don't believe that.

Your dad owns a lingerie shop.

A lot of beautiful, young girls must be visiting it every day.

Yes, but that doesn't mean...

...I get to take their measurements.

Forget it. Priyanka is like your sister, right?

Yes, she was.

To get close to her friend, Rupali...

...I let her tie rakhi on my wrist, three years in a row.

And also gifted her a "Dear Sister" card.

That too bought from Archies.

But Rupali fell for a 12th grade student...

...and I got stuck as Priyanka's brother

Stop laughing!

Look at him, must be bragging about the skirt episode.

What's so funny?

All the love stories at high school...

...begins by tying a rakhi, followed by a fight, and then...

I know he's a pervert.

Vipul, mark my words.

If I fail to have sex before I complete my 12th grade...

...I'll stay a virgin forever.

If you fail to do it...

...get "Loser" tattooed on your forehead

When you can't help me get laid...

...at least stop f*****g with me. Get lost!

Let's go from here.

'Okay.'

Hey, why did you do that for?

Nand, is it true?

Of course not, I didn't peep into her skirt deliberately.

I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about the fact that you want to do it.

Do you really want to get laid?

Yes, I'm quite serious about it...

...but I've run out of ideas and hope.

- What if I help you out? - Ask me anything you want.

- One thousand rupees. - What!

Don't take it so seriously.

I can do it for 100 rupees in Delhi.

What if you contract a disease or something?

I'll pay you Rs. 300. Arrange for it.

You will be in heaven!

If you turn right after the old market...

...you'll find a house.

A woman lives there.

She's extremely gorgeous.

But I've heard that she doesn't speak much.

'Hello. Yes.'

Don't you know, I can't answer my phone when I'm working?

She is he!

- I told you not to call me... - 'B*******d!'

Tell me what is it quickly.

H*******e... Ram Khilawan!

Why didn't you tell me that the path to heaven goes through the legs of hell?

I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

I'll teach you a lesson.

Here.

Give it here.

Take it.

Uh-oh, I'm folding my cards.

Well, as you all know, we are done with Navratri.

Now let's plan for Karva Chauth for our husbands.

There is no scope for Karva Chauth in Meerut.

Even Mandodari performed this ritual for her husband King Ravan...

...but he went after Sita.

It was Mandodari's mistake!

She failed to satisfy King Ravan.

Really, Pushpa?

When the husband is a monster...

...how can the wife satisfy him?

Four or five years into the marriage...

...we wives cease to be attractive.

That's why husbands go hunting...

...for a new partner.

What say, Sushma?

You seem lost in thoughts.

Your husband is not sleeping with you or what?

- Sushma! - Coming.

My limbs are cramped because of the daily chores!

Come on, massage my body.

What about you, Sneh?

Does your husband 'massage' you in the morning?

- Dear, get the cold drinks. - 'I'm on my way.'

I have made a cold drink for her.

A special drink!

Keep an eye on your husband.

Now you eat only bland, tasteless food while fasting for your husbands.

Next year, you won't even get to eat that.

What do you advise us to do?

Put some make-up on your face.

Leave one of your blouse buttons open.

You won't die of pneumonia

Go to Pinky Parlour and get a facial, you fools.

If you can't take good care of yourselves...

...some other woman will take your husband...

- Are you crazy? - Listen! Calm down!

Calm down, students.

Ma'am, you can come in now.

As the saying goes...

"The clouds won't shower down..."

"...until the land goes bone dry."

My adolescence was in a similar condition.

But it showered before the famine could hit me.

She's Mrs. Shanu Bansal.

I know how good is your English.

It's quite poor.

Therefore, from now on...

...she will teach you English grammar.

Greet her!

Hello, ma'am.

Ma'am, they are all yours.

Hello, 11-C.

Now you know my name.

But let me introduce myself, properly.

'I'm not like your other teachers.'

One instance of stupidity...

...and you'll fail in this class.

And the most important thing...

As long as we are in school, we'll talk to each other only in...

...English.

Understood?