Family Ties

Ripped By mstoll

All right, who did this?

This is the most regressive, childish,

immature thing I have ever seen in my life.

I did the teeth.

I did the mustache.

I did the beard.

Who did the antennas?

I think he always had those, honey.

- (all arguing) -The man was crying out for antennas!

I had a Magic Marker. Who could resist?

Hey, what's going on?

I mean, I could barely hear myself blow-dry my hair.

Well, you wouldn't be interested, Mal;

we're talking about the election.

Oh, really, Alex? Are you forgetting something?

I'm voting this year.

Nick and I went down and registered.

I guess this means

they've abolished that literacy requirement.

Have you decided who you're voting for, Mallory?

- No, not yet. - Well, honey, we've got

some Dukakis literature upstairs, if you're interested.

I have some Bush literature that I think is very helpful

in defining the differences between the two candidates.

Dentists also use it when they run out of Novocain.

- (all arguing) - Can you vote? Can you vote?

Alex, Alex, listen!

What are you...

Sorry to interrupt your quiet morning at home.

Uh, sorry, we, uh, we get a little passionate around here

- come election time. - Well, have you

decided who you're gonna vote for, Lauren?

- Because we have some literature upstairs. - Hey, Mom, Mom, Mom.

Just give me a little bit of credit here, okay?

Lauren and I have discussed the issue,

and I think she feels the same way as I do about this.

Oh, you've really got her under your thumb, son.

Andy, you... you want to get Lauren

another one of those Bush T-shirts?

Okay, but I think we're out of mediums.

I'm not gonna vote for Bush.

For one, I've never fully accepted his explanation

of his involvement in the Iran-Contra affair.

Bush had an affair?

Well, not-not really, Mal.

The Iran-Contra scandal.

Wait a minute, Dad... "scandal" is a loaded word.

Y-You're right, you're right.

The Iran-Contra prank.

- Wait, he had an affair in Iran? - This is the kind of political

- back-and-forth we have here. - (all arguing)

Listen, listen...

Hold it, hold it, hold it!

Wait a minute!

- That is enough election talk. - (arguing stops)

For the past month, it's been nothing

but Dukakis-Bush around here.

And, you know, I think we care more

about the election than they do.

Maybe we ought to get away from

this media hype for a while, huh?

Go somewhere where there's no... television,

no radio, no telephone...

- (gasps) - Oh, I'm sorry.

Breathe, breathe.

Um, look, um...

Do you guys remember those weekend camping trips

we used to take up to the Sandusky campgrounds?

Oh, oh, I loved those weekends.

Friday, we'd leave after dinner,

and we'd drive all through the night.

And my favorite part was in the car.

- We'd play word games and we'd sing. - Oh, boy.

Guys.

I think we know where you're going with this.

Well, what do you say?

Let's do it again, this weekend.

Um, I can't make it this weekend, Dad.

I mean, camping was fun when we were younger,

but that's when I was wearing Earth shoes.

And I have a history report on Ancient Greece

I want to get started on.

Well, okay.

It was just a thought.

Well, hey, just the two of us can go.

We can still have fun, despite these spoilsports.

Oh, come on, Elyse.

It won't be any fun with just the two of us.

I mean, it'll be too much fun with just the two of us.

Coming.

Hey, hey, Alex.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, what are you guys up to, huh?

Well, I'm trying to get Lauren to wear this T-shirt.

Oh, I know that guy. I know who that is.

I... I seen him on TV.

- That's, uh... - (snapping fingers)

Orville Redenbacher.

This is George Bush.

You're voting this year, Nick.

You're supposed to know this stuff.

I mean, how... how are you gonna decide

who you're gonna vote for this year?

Uh, you know, I'm not too sure.

I'm gonna have to leave it up to Mel;

she's the brains behind this couple.

I weep for this nation.

Hey. Hey.

Well, hey, what's going on here, huh?

Oh, Mr. Keaton and Andy and I are going camping this weekend.

Just the three of you?

Everybody else is busy.

It's no big deal.

So, uh, you guys all ready to go?

Yeah, I think so.

Let me just check this list again,

see if we've got everything.

- Uh, tent? - Oh, check.

- Flashlight? - Check.

- Family? - Ooh.

Oh, sorry.

Never mind.

Dad, are you really upset about us not going?

Oh, no!

Don't be silly. I was just kidding.

No big deal.

Anyway, you guys are all busy.

You have your own lives to lead.

What about me? Do I have my own life?

You're too young to have your own life.

The last thing we want to do is make you guys feel guilty.

Absolutely.

Let your conscience be your guide.

Not you, Alex.

Mr. Keaton, could you give me a ride to my apartment?

Oh, sure thing, Lauren.

God knows we've got enough room in the car.

Just kidding! Kidding!

All right, on we go, campers.

- On, you huskies! - You watch the house.

Just take it with you, okay? Just take it.

- All right, all right. - Drive safely.

- Bye. - See you later, guys. Okay.

Bye-bye. See you.

I don't feel guilty.

Yeah, me neither.

They need some bonding time with Andy anyway.

And camping trips are always such a mess.

Hey, Alex, remember that time you got poison ivy

and nobody wanted to sit next to you on the way home?

How could I not remember that?

You don't forget driving 200 miles

strapped to a ski rack.

It's always cold at night,

and the tent's always collapsing.

Yeah, or it rains.

Yeah, you get sick.

That's funny. You know, when I was a kid,

I always wanted my parents to take me camping.

I mean, they took me to the woods once,

but they just left me there and went home.

I...

Anyway, I always imagined sitting out there at night

around the campfire.

Everybody being together, cuddling up to stay warm.

Roasting marshmallows.

Well, it seemed like it could be fun.

Sometimes it was nice.

Yeah, like when Mom would play her guitar.

Yeah, or we'd just sit and look at the stars.

I... I found ten dollars in the woods once.

We should've gone.

I know.

Yeah, it's true.

And, you know, Mom and Dad... they're getting old.

They're deteriorating rapidly.

All they've got left are their memories.

Memories.

Like the corners of their minds.

I think we should go out there and surprise them.

Misty...

water-colored memories.

That is a great idea, Jen.

I'm gonna go get the sleeping bags.

- Well, I'll get the road maps. - Okay.

Alex, do you think we could speed it up a little bit?

I have to be back for my graduation in two years.

Jennifer, I am not about to go hot-rodding around

for your amusement.