Playing by Heart

I have a friend, a jazz musician, trumpet player.

Really terrific. And I go and hear him jam every month or so.

And he plays this piece I love: an old Chet Baker song.

And he blows the same notes every time, but every time it sounds different.

And we had drinks one night-- when I used to drink--

and I tried to tell him how that song made me feel...

how the music made me feel and how his playing made me feel.

And he just kept shakin' his head, and he said...

"Joan, you can't talk about music.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture."

I just said, "Well, gonna get all philosophical on me.

It's just as pointless as talking about a lot of things.

Love, for instance."

And my friend laughed, and he said, "Definitely. Most definitely.

Talking about love is like dancing about architecture."

So I don't know. He might be right.

But it ain't gonna stop me from trying.

# Ooh, ah, ooh #

# Ooh, ah, ooh #

# Tell me, tell me Tell me, tell me #

# Tell me, tell me Tell me, tell me #

# Woke up again this mornin' with the sun in my eyes #

# We might change the movie script Surprise #

# A Mafioso story with a twist #

# Two more films You know, you are a hit #

# You get your ass out there #

# All right #

# Feeling nothing #

# Absolutely nothing that day #

# And I say what the hell am I doing drinking in L.A. #

# How can you sit there #

I'm alone, and I want to keep it that way.

I lost my wife and son.

- Well, ask the bartender. He can find anything. - No.

They're dead.

Do you wanna talk about it?

Any guys here taking this Viagra? Let's see.

Not one honest guy.

Have you-- Okay?

You know, you have to be-- A friend of mine dropped one of these Viagra pills on the floor...

and his dog swallowed it.

Now he has a pointer. Anyway--

- We have to talk about this. - I know. You're right.

But do you really think we can save this marriage...

now that I've decided I like Leno better than Letterman?

Don't. I'm sorry.

I remember when my jokes used to make you laugh.

They do. I just--

- We have to talk about this. - There's nothing to talk about.

Oh, of course there is.

But I don't want to.

Okay.

What about the party?

Well, nothing's changed. I have a brain tumor...

but I'm going to that party, with or without you.

We've put a deposit down.

Mission accomplished.

I am in love.

In love?

Yes, in love.

But before we go further, let me say this.

Before we go... further--

I can't go any further.

It's almost 1:00, Meredith. 1:00.

- And I got a day job, remember? - Yeah. Phil needs his sleep. He's a postal worker.

All right, slackers. Trot off home.

Good night.

- Settle a bet I have with Phillip? - Yeah.

He claims you have no personal life whatsoever.

I say that's impossible.

I hope it wasn't a large bet.

On equity waiver salary you can't afford to lose much.

No Mr. Right?

Ms. Right?

No inclination for either at the moment. Thank you very much.

But if you're fishing, "mister" is my gender of choice.

You're a wonderful person. You should have someone in your life.

That's all I'm saying.

I can still be a wonderful person and not have anybody in my life.

Look, I'm just not interested in a relationship right now.

You are such a liar.

I am such a liar.

Front desk.

Hold that, please!

Did she not say, "Hold that, please"? Or isn't English your first language?

Any trouble getting away?

He has his acting class tonight.

- You want me to get champagne? - I don't think I have time for that.

In case you're planning on being gentle tonight...

don't be.

Mom?

Welcome to Chicago.

You look awful.

- You should get some sleep. - I'll sleep when you sleep.

It happened three days ago.

The last time I talked with her-- my wife Leann--

It was about 3:00.

She was taking our son Jamey to, uh, soccer practice.

Uh, I had a meeting at a bar.

I'd had a few drinks. No more than usual-- standard four-drink buzz.

Maybe five.

After, I was gonna meet Leann and Jamey at the Pizza Hut.

Every Tuesday night Jamey wants Pizza Hut.

So I was late.

I was driving fast.

Not too fast, I think.

The light, it just turned.

It was red for only a second.

Less than. I swear.

I ran the light.

I saw the car.

I hit my wife's car.

Oh, my God.

I saw her face through the windshield just as I hit them.

She saw me.

She knew it was me.

Oh.

You shouldn't be alone.

Yes, I should.

I should be alone in hell.

That's where I am.

Twenty minutes at 350 degrees is absolutely essential.

No more, no less.

And the delicacy of this fish is best appreciated by its taste...

not necessarily by its appearance.

Once you remove the fish from the oven...

transfer it directly onto a heated plate.

There's one thing that's paramount for every cook to keep in the back of their mind.

Only you know what goes on in the kitchen.

Join me next week: Hannah's Country Kitchen Cooking.

And we're clear.

Hannah, that was incredible! I smell a fourth Emmy.

I don't wanna see any more of these. Hmm?

Tough. Oh, I--

Mmm. It's delicious. What?

Nothing.

You can never stop, can you?

- Stop what? - Organizing things.

- Oh, I'll stop if it bothers you. - No.

It doesn't bother me. It takes me back.

Sit next to me.

It's a hell of a way for you to find out, huh?

- Find out what? - Well, that I'm gay, for one.

Come on. You never suspected?

- You were always so good at sports. - Mom!

I'm really glad you're here.

- And what's the second thing? - What second thing?

You said it was a hell of a way for me to find out that you were gay for "one" thing.

- So what's the second thing? - That I'm dying.

- Don't say that! - Oh, stop! I can't go back into our classic mother-son pattern.

Okay? I can't play the Iverson family game of denying reality...

- where reality is over there, somewhere... - Oh, honey, don't.

and we hide from it over here and pretend it doesn't exist.

Okay? It takes too much energy. Energy that I don't have.

All right. Maybe I don't either... have the energy.

God, that would be good.

All right, we'll start fresh.

Pattern-free.

Within these four walls, reality will prevail.

And if I slip up, you-- you let me know.

You'll-- You'll be the first.

They say first steps are the hardest.

The doctor said you haven't had any visitors.

You know me, Mom. I've never been one to have a lot of friends.

Besides, I seem to be the last of my small crowd.

What about your roommate Jack?

He wasn't my roommate, Mother, and he died a year ago.

Hey, how's the commercial going?

It's on hold for a week.

The geniuses at Pacific Motors have now decided to spotlight the car...

and dumb down the concept.

- No Fellini? - Who? Most definitely no Fellini.

But my play's not falling apart.

- I'm happy for you. - Thank you.

Bosco, where do you keep Theater Week?

Top shelf. Between Psychology Today and Martha Stewart Living.

Uh-oh! Whoa!

Jesus! Meredith?

Jimmy, grab that side! Grab that side. Okay. Everyone. All right, fellas.

On three. One-- Oh. Okay. All right.

- Can we say "lawsuit"? - Uh, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine. I landed on a stack of George.

- Plenty of padding. - Meet the architect.

- Are you sure you're okay? - Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.

- If I can just find one, Theater Week is on me. - And dinner is on me.

- No, no. Not necessary. Truly. - Please. I insist. It's the least I can do. I mean--

- Look, I'm not gonna sue you, okay? - I didn't think you were gonna sue me.

Not that I couldn't, mind you. But something tells me...

that you'd be able to convince the jury that this was my fault.

You know I'm not just asking you to dinner as a preemptive strike against litigation.

- I'm asking because-- - I'll have dinner with you.

- What changed your mind? - Anybody who can say "preemptive strike...

against litigation" with a straight face deserves a dinner companion.

Thank you.

This is last week's.

I'm thinking of putting the show on hiatus.

And I'm thinking you'll do no such thing.

- But, Paul-- - No. I don't want anything to be any different.

- Things are different. - I don't want to have a fight with you.

I don't want a fight. I just-- I just want to talk and make--